~MoRe tHaN A mEmOrY~

2009-07-21T21:30:00.002+08:00

*****~~~Crawling In The Dark~~~*****

14 February 2007 - 21 July 2009

Here lies a beloved blog once belonging to Hyder.

A treasure trove of intricacy, satire and expressionism.
A fusion of simplicity and profoundness.

There's nothing like it.

;)

Close

2009-07-21T21:25:00.001+08:00

Well, this is it.

Change is inevitable, and we all carry on through life by going with the flow.
So here I am, finally posting after a seemingly endless hiatus, only to return, to declare an apparently, the start of my endless hiatus.

In short, I'm quitting blogging.

.....

...

****

My Past

I'ts been one heck of a journey since my first post. All those senseless, immature and immensely idiotic cries for attention in the beginning.. then we moved on to a more overemotional and pathetic first-class loser, and then slowly, yet unsteadily, more changes continued to unfold. Here I give a rundown of my journey in CrawlingInTheDark....

I never liked person I used to be. I must have wasted half of my life trying to find the answers to the questions.... that never really needed to be answered. It's excruciating if I were to look back on the previous posts. I want to go back in time and kick the crap out of the 07' hyder so badly. At least, beat some sense into him.

He's the biggest loser I ever knew. Whatever they said about him, it must've been true. Come on, let's face it: half the shit I wrote in the past never really made any sense to you, did it? In the past, I've always succumbed to everyone around me because I had no confidence in myself. I saw myself as the weakest link, an outcast. I failed to realize my true potential.

In life, there'll always be people better than you. Yes, that's true, and you'll continue to be a loser if you compare yourself to them. You don't compare yourself to others.

You only compare yourself to who you were before.

****

My Change

Just to enlighten you guys on where am I and how I'm doing presently, I've never been better in my entire life. I practice Silat at least thrice a week. I go for weekly runs and gym workouts with my best buddies. I'm currenly living my dream course and I enjoy studying the subjects I take in Polytechnic. I have new friends that believe in me. I still have old friends that I value more than anything. I still continue to hone my writing skills. I still do my best to lend a listening ear and help out my friends.

See every day as an opportunity. See every challenge worth taking on. See every moment is worth living.

We all make mistakes. When we do, we make amendments to better ourself. Hence, besides my progression, I've also left a lot of things behind me. Such things include being excessively emotional, ungrateful, immature, uncertain, timid, and WEAK. I've also given up on videography, movie making, anime, and a lot of television.

Sadly, I've also abandoned a trait of mine which had brought glory and reputation to my life during my early years - drawing. And here I add one more to the list: blogging.

Just thinking about this tears me apart.

In the past I've played around with a familiar word: metamorphosis. I was so obsessed with it, I even used it for my email address: hydemorphosis. When I look at it now, it sounds pretty lame. How true does it relate to me, actually? I'll have to admit I've underestimated the meaning of the word. I was wrong. Declaring it became an excuse for me in the past to better myself. The truth is - I didn't.

Much of the more recent things I write about revolve around this topic of 'change'. Maybe not directly at times. Ironically I never understood it myself. At least not until now. Change is a strong word. Barack Obama rose to power with this word - and he succeeded. This very post is a cornerstone of change - the change I'm going through. There's no stopping me now.

****

My Blog

So let's take this as a 'funeral' for my dear blog. I've always liked it. It was different.

It's not just any ordinary blog. It doesn't have an over-enthusiastic, flashy blogskin. It doesn't have a flooded tagboard. It doesn't play a tune that nobody wants to hear. It doesn't have a oversized link list of people whom I never really knew.

It doesn't live on the number of hits. Neither does it live on the frequency of posts.

It's just a simple, black blog, with brightly coloured words. Expressive pictures adorn every post. Ambiguous titles conceal my true intentions for writing.

A treasure trove of intricacy, satire and expressionism. A fusion of simplicity and profoundness. There's nothing like it.

I love it.

Words have always been my favourite way of expressing myself. It works every time. I'm not quitting because I don't have anything to write anymore. I'm quitting because I don't see it as a necessity to my life anymore.

If it's unnecessary, it's unproductive. If it's unproductive, it's irrelevant. Whatever that is irrelevant, is negatory. Whatever is negatory, is a waste of time.

I don't need to flush away despair by whining on my blog. I don't need to broadcast my happiest moments to the world. I don't need to blog to remain in the 'in' crowd. I didn't use this blog as a journal, it was more like a tool to get rid of stress. No wonder I don't need it anymore.

The most important lesson is that words can only take you so far. No matter how bombastic your vocabulary, no matter how incredibly persuasive your remarks, no matter how honourable your intentions, no matter how flawless your language skills...
you can only make a true impact on the world if you step up and take action.

****

My Thanks

For a long time, there's been a list of names displayed on the sidebar. There's a reason for that. Before I end this, I'd like to thank the following people. Though this may seem a little corny, and it's like I only have two weeks to live, just bear with me okay. I'm not leaving Earth -.- but my emotions are undeniable. So here goes, in NO particular order:

Dun Ping
Thank you, for being CrawlingInTheDark's number one fan. Thank you for being an awesome writing partner. We work excellently together, if only the writing could last longer. Just like the comics we used to make together. As we grow up, we continue to share the same passions. There's no other friendship quite like this before. I look forward to training with you one day. =)

Carmen
I've always liked your alternate name (I wouldn't stop using it!), even you prefer to be known as Jam. Your tags are a lot more appreciated than they seem, thank you so much! Things will look up for you, you're way too valuable to the world. And I know, just like Dun Ping and Mai, our friendship will continue to blossom even in the future. =)

Maisarah
Thank you. Even though I've never told you, you made me feel extremely special at times. Wish we could talk as often as we did. I look forward to our next reunion. Believe in yourself, because a lot of people believe in you. I believe in you. One day you'll be living your dreams. Until then, take care of yourself okay? =)

Nasha
You never fail to bring joy back to my heart whenever I needed it (or even when I didn't, hahaha). It's always been loads of fun talking to you, even though sometimes I seem kinda mean. You're just full of surprises. It's adorable, in a painfully annoying kinda way. I didn't lie when I said you're one in a billion. Thank you so much. =)

Cheng Wei
Dude, besides being a best friend, I've always considered you a role model. You're terrifically talented, both aesthetically and academically. I enjoy every conversation we have, whether casual or online. And I've always been a fan of your art, and your JOKES!!! I miss working with you. Thank you, and stay awesome. =)

Oliver
Only you and Cheng are the ones from Tendays who still keep in touch with me after all this months. I know we've heard this a million times, but I can't resist saying it: I miss the good ol' days. Oliver, I've always seen you as a person worth respecting. Thank you so much. Stay cool. =)

Sharil
You're absolutely not just an average Joe (Jonas.. HAHA), and I am deeply honoured to be your best friend. Are we still best friends?? Where are you, man? I miss chatting with you online. I miss your old blogs. I miss your annoyingly witty remarks. I miss your cooking. I MISS PICKING ON YOU!!! We seriously need to catch up. Thank you for everything, Sharil. =)

Joanne
I've always been a big fan of yours. Your language skills are so inspiring, your blog has always been my personal favourite. Besides that, I always enjoyed our long online conversations because I can relate to you so well. Your personality stands out for itself, and that earned a great deal of my respect. Live strong, okay? And thank you for everything. =)

Khairin
I'll always treasure the memory of those days when we hung out together. Apparently we moved on pretty quickly from what we used to be. You're one of the rare few who can actually understand me when I'm at my lowest and couldn't turn to anyone else. So thank you. I'll value our benevolence forever. Miss you a damn lot. =)

Hau Yan
We'd been through so much together, I doubt I could ever find the words to describe how much impact you've made on my life. It's been a pleasure seeing you grow up, you've become so independent now. I'm really proud of you. Though things have changed, I wish to uphold the promises I made to you in the past. Promises are meant to be broken? I'll prove it to you that it ain't true. And like always, I'll be here for you, now and forever. You can count on me. Thank you. =)

Hau Yee
It's been a ridiculously long time since we talked. I really have no clue of where you are and how you've been. I'm sure things have been going well for you. I mean c'mon, your life rocks. Haha.. I'm grateful for your compassion and everything you did for me. I still miss you. Will we meet again one day? Until then, thank you for being a sister to me.

Tzu Ying
You write excellently and that's a trait of yours I've always admired. Your posts are a joy to read, kudos to you! Thank you for your generous tags. It's been a real pleasure knowing you. Remember, I'll still be here if you need advice. Best of luck for your upcoming O's. You'll breeze through it. I just know you will. =)

Zach & Luke
Well, what can I say? We're so close, we can practically read each others' minds. I'm forever grateful to you guys.

....

There we go. I wish I could thank everyone I knew. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends. But only you guys mentioned above are the ones whom I really feel deserve my upmost gratitude. All of you are invaluable to today's society and heroes of tomorrow. Trust me on that.

The blog isn't going anywhere. Feel free to leave me comments or tags. Oh just do whatever you want. I don't care anymore. I wanna turn this blog into a relic. Maybe I'll visit it every once a decade or so. Hahahaha.

Here's Hyder, signing off for the last time!
Carpe Diem!

See ya~

Malevolence

2009-06-05T10:08:00.011+08:00

*Click*

Warm Up

Have you ever had those days when you are completely confused of what you are feeling? Sorrow plus happiness plus thrill plus exasperation... equals? I may sound kinda crazy but that's just the way it is. Puzzled thoughts cram your mind and you become weary and have migraines.

Your brain is like a blender and the outside world continuously throws in different emotions which whizzes and whirls and winds up... sucking all the sanity out of your soul dry until you are just a heartless, icy zombie who leeches on the goodness of the hearts of others.

*GASP*

That was quite a mouthful. So much for the 'warm-up'..

Anyway, back to reality.

Well, recently, Zach, Luke and I have been hanging around with each other a lot. Long story, so I'm leaving out the boring stuff. Lots of weird stuff happened to us recently when we were together. I'll zoom in on two particular situations, whereby 'weird', as I mentioned, meant 'oh-oh, things are about to get ugly'.

Situation One: 8pm Saturday

The three of us were walking down the sheltered walkway at Chai Chee, heading towards my house. It was dark and quiet. We were mindlessly re-enacting Russell Peter's stage performances. Then there was this Chinese man, walking in the opposite direction towards us who exploded into fury the moment he passed us.

Inconveniently, his sudden outburst of cursing in Hokkien scared the fuck out of the three of us. Oh, he yelled really really BAD words to us, but he continued walking.

Drunkard? Yeah, most probably. We laughed it off later. Thank God there was three of us. The bastard could have assaulted a poor soul if he was alone. Thank God the three of us are not really a bloodthirsty trio of hooligans or the drunkard ends up being the poor soul.

Speaking of bloodthirsty hooligans......

Situation Two: 11:30pm Tuesday

The three of us were taking a night stroll at a neighbourhood in Bedok Reservoir. We chilled at a void deck nearby. It didn't take long before a gang of Malay hooligans spotted the three of us engaged in conversation. There were about seven of them, sashaying their way in our direction. Zach and Luke were talking to each other and it was this moment when I realized I had to 'ahem' switch gear. We're outnumbered. Things are gonna get ugly.

Like a pack of hyenas(although I prefer to call them swines), the group split up and harrassed us by surrounding us. They started giggling in amusement as they slowly walked by us, scrutinizing us intently, waiting for us to make a mistake by making eye contact.

Well I'm sorry for all of you action junkies who's reading this, but no, we did not get into a fight. If we did, I don't think I'd be alive to blog about this. So what happened was we kept our cool and waited for something to happen. Unfortunately they walked away.

The three of us were annoyed. It'd be damn fun to kick the shit out of those dweebs. But why fight a losing battle by responding to their taunts? Yeah, it's macho, but since you don't have anything to prove here, and you have nothing to gain... getting into a fight would be completely unneccessary.

*************************

A couple of similar events have happened to us before, when the three of us are together. Just thinking about it excites me. I pictured what would have happened if the three of us... DID get into fights..

Outcome of Situation One:
Well obviously the drunkard who be beaten to pulp by the three of us martial arts enthusiasts. I have silat experience, Zach has his Muay Thai and Luke has a warrior's stature. Not to brag, but I can assure you we get the job done in not more than two minutes.

Outcome of Situation Two:
Wow, if we did actually respond to those taunts, inevitably SOMEBODY'S GONNA GETTA HURT REEEEEEAL BAD. 3 noobs versus 7 boobs. From their side, I foresee at least five will have broken jaws, at least three will have dislocated limbs, and someone'll prolly leave with a concussion (or his eyeballs gouged out).

And as for us, we'll be lucky if we even make it to the hospital. LOLZ.

Gangsterism. I've always wondered what life was like on the other side of the law. It'd be fun, but it's just not worth it.

I don't know why but when my pals and I are together, we seem to magnetise malevolence. People just feel like they need to 'kick the crap out of these kids' when they see us. Well whatever happens to us, I won't mind as long as we die together. Lolz.

If you're still wondering what the title means, it aint a mispelling of 'male violence' because that just sounds dimwitted. Malevolence means hatred or ill will, which lots of people possess nowadays for no reason. That's life in the new millenium.

Okay I have to go now.
I just need to write something here just for the sake of progress.

~progress updates
structured programming quiz 5: 10/10
TCS Reflection journal 1 : 23/25
PEEE Quiz 1 : 76/100
IDEA Tutorial 2 : 93/100

Right, gotta blast.

Parry Parry Parry

2009-05-26T21:34:00.006+08:00

Hey hey...

Alright updates updates updates...

Camp

It has been 2 days since my return from the SPSC orientation camp. It was great, except I was kinda disappointed about the night walk. I promised myself not to swear throughout the whole thing, but I broke that promise unintentionally. T.T

I scolded one of the ghosts ‘Bastard’ before kicking her (yes, her) away. She was hiding behind the door in the stairwell, which I had to pass through. Well, lucky for both of us, she’s representing SP in the IVP competition, so it shouldn’t have hurt. =P

And of course I scowled at two other ghosts ‘Damn fucking gays’ after they ambushed me from behind the pillars. I contained the urge to punt one of the crawling ghosts (who was chasing me), because I couldn’t stop laughing... All in all, it was a good experience. But I’ve had enough scares to last me a month.

Studies

Just a rundown of the past few test results........ Bad news first.

Engineering Math Class Test 1: 78%

Engineering Math Class Test 2: 67.5%

Structured Programming Lab Test 1: 83%

Structured Programming Quiz 3: 100%

Structured Programming Quiz 4: 100%

Engineering Maths Computer Quiz: 100%

Shit. It may seem like good results but actually what you are looking at shouldn’t be the case for a Year 1 student. And it’s only being like what, not even 1 term. My friends who are doing less than me are getting much higher, some even full marks for tests. My math tests are trashed... my mind has been telling me that I’m under some sort of curse... I can’t believe it. I’ll keep on trying.

One lesson poly life has taught me so far is that no matter what happens, you must learn to FACE YOUR FEARS. Your fears are the venomous flesh eaters that stop you from moving forward. Even though the world is against you, it is never the end. Whatever you do, you must be courageous enough to face the harshness of reality and push on. You'll reap the rewards later, just keep your chin up and don't look back.

Training

Yesterday I went for my special Monday training session with the seniors. The coach gave me a head start by letting me train with them. How honoured is it to be the only freshmen training with the big shots.

But hey, training with the athletes is no walk in the park. Reality check - I was nearly beaten to death when I was dragged myself into parrying training against THEM. Parry, parry, parry. Sneak in a few kicks and punches, and then parry, parry and parry until you collapse. My arms ached after deflecting so many hard blows, and I could hardly breathe under the chest guard.

Ironically, I love it. Being with them feels like I’m already a step higher than what I actually am. They, and the coach, encourage me for taking dozens of blows – that’s good news.

Likewise, here’s a rundown of what I’ve learnt OUTSIDE usual training (two weeks):

7 new battle stances

5-blow combos

Tepis & tangkis (parrying / deflecting blows)

Sapuan (‘sweeping’ your opponent off the floor..it’s my first advanced move)

Rapid barraging before luring for a surprise takedown (it’s a technique. I call it... ‘Duster’. Hahaha)

Switching stances

Hiding weakness points

Sabit (Direct translation: Sickle... it’s some sort of roundhouse kick)

Basic counterattacks

Wow, I’ve learnt quite a handful. It’s just awesome. XD I could go on in detail, but that’ll be the dumbest thing to do – revealing your tactics openly to potential foes. Defeats the purpose of 'self-defence'. For all I know, someone could be spying on me right now, analyzing my moves. Oh yeah, that was also another lesson – to continuously analyze your opponent during sparring.

Personal Life

Poly rocks. You just get new eye candies every day. Crushes? With the pace I'm going, I guess BG relationships are the last thing I'd want right now. Yeah well, they come in and out of my mind like traffic but that's normal ain't it? Wait till you get into Poly, it's like heaven compared to secondary school.

I wonder how Romeo's doing. I hope she's taking good care of the lil' guy. She's doing well too. But I know she is - she got a scholarship. =D I'm proud of you cupcake, good luck for your upcoming Chinese O's.

And as the rest of you guys out there - love ya'll and do yourself proud. Whatever shit life throws at you... just parry, parry, parry.

Evolve

2009-05-18T23:04:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary

Each day of my Poly life has been extremely fulfilling. I’ve started to accelerate my growth and maximize my time doing very meaningful things. Though it has been painful, limitless motivation has always prevailed over everything else.

It may sound bizarre (and somehow lame), but I have been carefully calculating the amount of experience I achieve each day. Yes, literally calculating using points. Just like a Pokémon, I too, level up. I evolve. I battle. But there is one exception – I do not take orders.

Have you ever felt something you desire so much that it obliterates every other petty wishes? I have. And working hard has never felt so good. I’d never thought I’d see the day when I’m training in martial arts and perfecting my skills in personal guidance of the captain himself.

It’s been weeks of training, and I have suffered quite a number of injuries already. Frequent cramps, lip bruises, cuts, and my skin must have peeled a billion times. I struggled to perfect my kicks but my mentor never gave up on me. His patience is admirable. And my comrades – my predecessors – are the source of my inspiration. I can’t let them down. I can’t let myself down. I have to be stronger. One day I will too, like them, pit my skills against other warriors in the arena and emerge victorious as a medallist.

For once in my life, I’m training to fight a TRUE battle.

Unfortunately, day after day, people continue to criticize or jeer at me. They say I would never make it. They said I was lying when I told them of my new passion. They told me they could easily crush my bones in a fight. They told me not to revise so much. They even said I’d never finish my food. They never believed in me. They just wouldn’t.

But day after day, I became more immune to the negativity of these despicable sheep. I see progress in myself. I know I've changed. I'm no more the emo, miserable, ass kissing clown I used to be.

There is no easy road on the path to greatness, and there is no telling what challenges lie ahead. Everyone must learn to take risks and must stand by their own principles and beliefs. Realize your strengths and use them to your advantage. Life will open up new paths and opportunities – if you just be patient and have faith in your own potential.

Put your heart and soul in everything you do.

Momentum

2009-05-12T18:34:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary

My life has been progressing well. My studies are way ahead on track and I've learnt to live a balanced lifestyle. However most people might disagree on the latter because they think I chiong too much.

Please... your negativity is contagious. Stay away from me you morons.

Anyway.

I breezed through my second official class math test on Logarithms today. Or so I think I did. But whatever. I got the privilege to listen to Fall Out Boy while I tackled the problems so it was more of a game to me than a test. Call me weird, but I just LOVE it - The thrill of doing algebraic equations. Seriously, they should legalize listening to music while doing math exams.

I was talking to Jiao Xu (my maths shi fu) prior the test on my paranoia. I realized that I had very little confidence in my answers and that was what held me back and drained my momentum. I would always turn to the back of the book to check my answers to every single question, despite the fact that I was really sure they were correct. I'm paranoid. So for the first time in my life, I reminded myself that I wouldn't let paranoia stop me for this test. So I put a little faith in my answers. The music kept me going.

Of course, its not the music that helped me through the test, it was definitely the practice. C'mon, the only reason you're not passing maths is because everyone else practises more than you. So would it hurt to practise a teeny bit more than the rest and stay ahead of the game? After all, you know deep inside you're above average. You don't wanna remain average. Why aren't you doing something about yourself?

Okay so enough about math. Yesterday I started writing entries into my Destiny Diary. It's something to do with my CCA and it's private. And for those who have stereotyped me as a nerd/emo/nobody, then it only makes me more convinced not to be open. There are just so many pessimists and cynics that would insult and condemn my ideas. Believe me, it HAS happened, more than once.

Personally, I don't think blogging works anymore (well, not for me). The intricate details of my life are just not worth publicizing. I'm not going to be some immature loser who whines about committing suicide and screams 'Fuck the world' just because of a screwed up one sided relationship with the opposite sex. Get this: the world doesn't care.

Oops. Another anger wave.. Did I just ruin your day? If I did just take another look at the post picture. =PPP

Right, I have to go now.. I'll update more soon. =)

Re: 818

2009-05-12T18:21:00.001+08:00

Wtf....

I spoke too soon.

-.-

818

2009-05-10T12:45:00.002+08:00

Today I cleared out 818 text messages from my inbox.

It's funny how 75% of them were from the same person.

Now that she doesnt sms so frequently anymore...

life's gonna be a lot more peaceful.

The End.

Passing Cloud

2009-05-05T22:32:00.005+08:00

Dear Diary of Randomly Pathetic Whinings,

Sometimes I wonder why I'm usually disregarded in other people's lives. It's like I'm a mere come-and-go thing or...

Something not worth talking about.
Something not worth scrutinizing.
Something not worth mentioning.
Something just plain ordinary.
Something which wastes your time.
Something insignificant in the background.
Something to take advantage of.
Something which never made much of an impact.
Something that could've been ignored.
Something you've gotten too used to.
Something considered a minor detail.
Something you use once and throw away.
Something uninteresting.
Something trivial.
Something uninspiring.
Something negligible.
Something irrelevant.
Something subsidiary.
Something unnecessary.

A cameo. A decoration. A piece of old furniture. A passing cloud. A device taken for granted. Yesterday's news.

Someone whose story isn't worth telling...

Someone whose words aren't worth repeating..

Someone whose questions aren't worth answering..

Someone whose advice isn't worth seeking..

Someone whose life isn't worth reflecting..

Someone whose dreams aren't worth respecting..

Someone whose legacy isn't worth remembering..

*Shrug*
Oh well.
Then again...
Maybe it's just my imagination.

Slaughterhouse

2009-05-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

Neither failure nor defeat exists in my veins

I am not a sheep, waiting to be prodded by my shepherd

I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk with the sheep

I will not listen to those who weep and complain,

let them join the sheep.

The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny

I will persist until I succeed.

Wow.... O.o What bold statements.

Dude, you are so damn cool. I wanna be a lion too!

Paragon

2009-05-01T23:44:00.011+08:00

I was there when you first took off.

I caught you when you couldn't flap your wings any longer. Though it wasn't much, I prepared a nest of warmth and compassion for you to rest after your courageous flights.

I flew by your side in the most calamitous of storms, I safeguarded you from the malevolent blizzards. I was your guardian in the most torrential rains, I had your back in the eye of hurricanes...

My patience for your demeanor was unwavering. My concern for your happiness knows no bounds. Your helpless, pathetic chirps of attention were soon replaced by thundering roars of passion that pulsated into the horizon.

From that little yellow ball of feathers, I've watched over you until you became a beautiful paragon that soared majestically in the heavens. You reign supreme in the highest skies. You possess the most terrifying of all battle cries. You're the ruling Queen of the Infinity, that's no surprise....

I was the wind beneath your wings....

And then...

..

you just flew off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

Ungrateful?

Disgraceful?

Disloyal?

Betrayal?

Pity?

Guilty?

Insensible?

Reprehensible?

Confusion?

Delusion?

Never will I know the reason.
...

No Sunshine

2009-04-28T21:09:00.004+08:00

*Sigh*

Ain't noooooo sunshine............ when she's gone...

Ain't nooooooo sunshine.............. when she signs off on windows live without talking to me.........

Inadequate

2009-04-28T18:28:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary

Despite valiant efforts to be self-sufficient in mathematics, I struggled through the first class test.

While being top ‘chiong-ster’ in class for completing tutorials way before in advance, ironically making ends meet simply to master a subject wasn’t enough for me. They even teasingly called me ‘no-life boy’ when they spotted me doing revision exercises during 15 minute breaks. I laughed it all off because well... it’s true anyway.

However things went screwy during the Engineering Maths class test today – the first of many to come. Could it be overconfidence? I got stuck in a few short questions. Some answers looked too shitty to be called ‘answers’. Even with multiple analyses of my workings, I couldn’t seek out what went wrong. This only proves one thing – my efforts are inadequate.

I’m not afraid of failure – because I don’t believe in failure. When you fall, you get back up, dust yourself and keep moving forward. You don’t cry. You don’t turn around. You don’t go back. You just move forward. To be honest, I kinda expected this to happen. Just because you blasted off to a flying start doesn’t mean you’ll soar effortlessly all the way to the end. I foresaw this from a mile away and it was only a matter of time before my first slip-up from the starting point. Still I’m glad I took it positively.

You should too. The state of your life is only a reflection of your state of mind. It's not you who is inadequate. Your EFFORTS are inadequate. My words may sound cliché to you, but then again, we’re not all optimists. Maybe not yet. Believe in your dreams. Believe in yourself.

Soon

2009-04-28T07:59:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary

7:30am. On the MRT today, there was a lady standing in front of me. She was a tad shorter, so when she text messaged I could see what she wrote (I'm bored dammit, I was bored!!). Her words she texted, possibly to her husband seemed to match well with the metal I was listening to.

She wrote "Anw dear, 2day I dreamt my mother died. I think im going to die soon."

At first I was like 'duh, everyone's gonna die soon. -.-'. It didn't take me long before I pondered over what she could be thinking right now. I recalled an experience similar to the first part of what she said, coz it happened to me once. I hadn't realized depression was so widespread, the person just next to you could be downright depressed. The lady took a seat in the row in front of me.

She had panda eyes, I noticed, her eyelids half shut. It's like she was emo on the inside. O.O I was suddenly reminded of how the 'eyes are the windows to the soul'. It was true. She stared blankly onto the floor. Her eyes were cold and devoid of light. Her misery was contagious....

......

God....
Thank you for giving me this day for me to live the fullest.
It's a great day to be alive.

Frustration

2009-04-27T18:36:00.010+08:00

Dear Diary,

It has only been a few weeks in Poly and I have changed tremendously. I get frequent impulses of frustration to lash out on someone and engage in physical violence. My mind is like a ticking time bomb.

Yesterday I almost punched a man in the face for repeatedly testing my patience. My subconcious mind automatically blocked off his moronic words and I ignored him. I told my uncle I 'wouldn't have spared him if his face didn't look so pathetic'.

Today I abruptly grabbed a friend by the collar and stared at him fiercely in the eyes as if a bully would do, absurdly, for no particular reason. I unintentionally embarrass myself. My legs, throughout the day, was itching to kick someone.

I contemplated, and concluded that this state of emotion was merely a side product of my recent surge in motivation fused with excessive physical strain. Adaptation to new attitudes, unfortunately, does take its toll..

I'm very sure dealing with emotional stress is something everyone will have to master. Once in a while, unsurprisingly we all go through mood swings etc. But please note: being emotional is not a weakness. Being emotional is a gift.

As you can see from the story above (yes, it's truly about me), I find myself in unsettling situations whereby anger sometimes boils beyond control. Patience and self-control is crucial in anger management, but I think it's possible that we can convert our emotional energy into more useful energy. Usually on my way home from school, if I have any fury stored up inside, I'd unleash them at home. I'd channel that anger into strength - relentlessly putting my body through intense physical workout. I'll continue for as long as it takes to calm myself.

If that's not enough, I'd (this may be a tad hard to believe) revise my schoolwork. Stockpiling harmful negative emotions can lead to self-destruction, and I'm sure we all don't want that. It's important to focus our mind's attention to other things such as reading. You see, emotions can be a key source of motivation. If we have a strong believe in ourself and our potential, emotions plus passion creates the ultimate fuel in the drive towards excellence.

Okaaay... I gotta go. My daily routine is stepped up tenfold, so I'll blog whenever I think is necessary. Still, your tags are immensely appreciated and valued, and please get the idea that I DO READ and NOTICE them.

=) Thank you.

Transition

2009-04-27T18:22:00.002+08:00

DASE 1A02 and the incredibly pathetic class poster

***

Absence equals serenity equals transition.

2009-04-09T17:21:00.001+08:00

Note to Self: It's time for change.

Idiosyncrasy

2009-03-28T23:01:00.003+08:00

It's the era whereby living soul symbolize the epitome of idiosyncrasy.

'Normal' has no meaning anymore.

It's insane.

There's not a seed of sanity on this planet anymore... wait, I mean..

There's not a grain of sanity on this planet anymore... wait, I mean..

There's not an atom of sanity on this planet anymore.. wait, I mean..

There's not a quark of sanity on this planet anymore.

Keyboard Cucumber

2009-03-27T16:44:00.005+08:00

Hi.

(My life is ending, what more do you expect from a greeting? -.-)

Anyways, I'm STILL stuck at home enduring the heart-stopping thrills of a couch potato life. Actually I'm more of a computer person than tv so what does that make me? O.o Desk Tomato? Keyboard Cucumber? Laptop Onion? Software Broccoli?

So here's the deal: Dad wont let me watch Meerkat Manor coz he says 'What's so interesting about a bunch of rats?'

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! Meerkats are NOT rats. And neither are they cats! They're related to the mongoose family.. a branch of the family of mammals. Just like the Prairie Dog belongs to the rodent family, not canine. But then again, why would you care?

Meerkat Manor is just as dramatic as a reality show or soap opera but its all meerkats. AND ITS SO EXCITING! Infidelity.. male rivalry.. murder.. social dysfunction.. betrayal.. clan wars.. perilous situations.. you wont believe all sorts of shit goes on in a meerkat's life!! Its on Animal Planet everyday. Everyone in the house thinks I'm an idiot watching some stupid show about rats.. but who cares. They may look cute and cuddly but theyre can be barbaric and unethical when it comes to family affairs. HAHAHAHA! What more can you want from an animal? I love these meerkats!

Right I gotta go for now.. Quick post better than no post right? Hahaha~

Gotta blast.

Irrefutable

2009-03-12T12:02:00.001+08:00

'Misery's my Company'

This phrase sounds irrefutably familiar................

Where the hell have I heard it before??

-.-

Variations

2009-03-08T23:32:00.003+08:00

From left to right: luke - hyder - zach

Who doesn't love variations?

(Please excuse our trademark hand-signs. We just can't help it).

Unappreciative

2009-03-08T21:48:00.001+08:00

WHY DO YOU STILL COMPLAIN WHEN YOUR LIFE IS SO GODDAMNED..

PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?
PERFECT?

WOULD YA PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION?
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING ABOUT TRAGEDY, DUMB ASS.

Hell-bent

2009-03-05T23:40:00.005+08:00

Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects

When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Truth be told I miss you

And truth be told I'm LYING

It's really amusing listening to this song over and over again. It gets conciliatory after awhile when the song's stuck in your noggin. Still I find the lyrics way too ridiculous, but what the hell.. haha.

Something's bugging me.

Come Hell or High Water, everyone seems like they're raising HELL about the opposite sex on their blogs. Most of it is of course, teenage 'what-the-HELL's, while the rest are too full of crud - wasting away the precious minutes of my life. Dammit, damn you.(to HELL).Why can't everyone just be merry with what they have instead of whining about what you don't.

Patience - It's a simple theory to happiness.

-.0

Let's put this little problem of yours a lil' bit simpler:

You don't know what the HELL's wrong with yourself even though been through HELL and back. You're still HELL-bent on repeating your actions over and over again. Getting yourself trapped with unnecessary commitments just for the HELL of it.

HELL yeah, tell me if it's all worth it: all those months, all those morons giving you HELL, turning their back on you....You know you deserve a HELL lot more than this shit but you'd rather be in HELL.

Putting yourself through HELL and now you're crawling in the dark TM, looking for an escape rope to dawn in from heaven. Right now I'm giving you a slice of HELL, so listen closely to the bottomline:

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF

Doubt

2009-02-19T21:29:00.005+08:00

And you said I couldn't draw no more.

El Loco Poco

2009-02-09T19:16:00.007+08:00

Updates, eh?

This blog isn't dead.. it's just a little neglected. I've been busy with writing my new fantasy fiction story (which comprises of 3 blogs ) so I sorta left my CrawlingInTheDark blog alone.. in the dark. Hahaha. It's been a long while since the end of that stupid 'war'. I've been thinking about what I've been doing before that and what've I become today. Too much things.. most are irrelevant things which I could have chosen to forget but instead I dwell excessively on them..

I'm always that person: The kind who asks crazy questions and looks for the answers which he'll never find. Yeah. El Loco Poco.

Most likely there aren't gonna be much posts until maybe I establish my 'new' life at Singapore Polytechnic (aerospace electronics!!! =D). Could I call this 'metamorphosis'? I don't think so.

All this while I commonly use this strong word call 'metamorph' to describe a major change or a turning point in my character. But now.. all of it seems so insignificant.. irrelevant.. pointless.. not even worth mentioning.

Those 'changes'... were they just the fated, aftermath products of the oppressive chain of events occuring.. or are they a result of my own, harebrained decisions?

Was I living a lie all this while?

Metamorphosis. I sigh sympathetically of what I used to be. Or what I've dreamt of wanting to be. I told myself I wanted to change. Yes, I did change. But it was like the new year came early. Just another pathetic resolution. Another fruitless attempt at 'making a difference'. I did not bloom. I did not evolve. I did not mature. I merely progressed, an advancement too meagre to observe any difference at all!

I've grown less apt to write about the dramatic, painful yet emotionally-driven details of my life. Maybe all of it was a waste of time. Emo shmeemo. Maybe those guys were right.. could it be that I was a mere poser? Whichever way, poser or authentic.. doesn't really matter now does it? I did get to where I wanted to go.. But I took a detour thinking it was a shortcut... when I could have just walked forward.

I could have spent more time being grateful for what I have and not sulk over what I don't have. I could have realized my potential earlier. I've been gambling my destiny for so long without even realizing it. Well.. No point being regretful now. No point regretting later.

A new age has dawned once again. I'm not making anymore promises nor am I jeopardizing myself by putting my life on the line. From this moment on it'll be all out and no turning back.

I can't afford to turn back.

I am what I am: The first of me, like no one else.

Half-baked

2009-01-23T21:57:00.003+08:00

da dum da dum...

*slap* *slap* *slap*

Nutty nutty nutty like a fruitcake.
Ooof. The rate of my heartbeat could exceed the speed of light if this insanity goes on.

GAWD, I need a vacation.

Encompassed

2009-01-14T10:38:00.003+08:00

This latest poem is dedicated to.. well, you know who you are. ;)

~The Hug~

I gasped in relief, my feet stamping the floor
In delight, I attempted to comprehend my score
I mouthed words of sheer gratitude for my Lord
For He had blessed my L1R4
My eyes frantically searched the hall
For the person who’d picked me up everytime I fall

You promised a moment that would last forever
And then I’ve found you, seemingly cheery as ever
You turned to see a cracked smile on my face
I stood frozen, my feet cemented at its place

I every way you exemplify the phrase:
A world without you is only a waste in space

‘Fourteen?’ voiced out between your lips
I nodded in reply as my stomach did flips
Someone call the ambulance coz it was hard for me to dial
I was blinded from the radiance of your smile

Before I knew it, I was encompassed
In embrace which I wish would last
I felt my breath taken away
Like the tasty catch of the day
Being tugged at the end of a line
Which was nothing short of fine
Your angel wings shielded me from the world
And *BANG*, escaped my soul as it swirled

Everything else exploded into babel
My mind clouded and rocked unstable
My legs were fifty feet off the ground
My lungs were nowhere to be found
My brain will take years to come around
An emotion so immensely profound
In mere seconds I was completely spellbound
I was up so high I forgot what was down

And when I began to understand what this means
I was falling through bottomless ravines
My heart, my lungs and its inner machines
Resumed onto their usual routines
As my soul was sucked back where it belonged
From a wonderful moment I wish was prolonged
All the luck had run out of my four-leaf clover
In a blink of an eye I realized it was over

As you withdrew your arms from me
To continue on your pleasant hugging spree
I returned from my 5-second trip to cloud nine
Its blissful aftermath tingles down my spine
A hug which I expected to be so fine
How intoxicated was I? I could never define

Thank you =)

I'll never forget the day of my O Level results.

I'll never forget you.

2009-01-11T15:42:00.002+08:00

Hyder is imperfect.

Zee

2009-01-05T16:44:00.007+08:00

This post is for 238832 (OR to those who are taking O levels sometime later). I seriously hope you would spare some time and think before you fall prey to yourself. Read this story about a person I know too well.

A year gone. Blew away, like dust in the wind. The moment his last paper - Chemistry Paper 1 - ended, Zee’s classmates celebrated with the freedom they've imprisoned in their hearts for a long time. How intoxicating it felt, all the months of suffering, every drop of sweat shed in cramming their brains was worth it. The blissful thought of freedom obliterated every ounce of torment they've endured, for what felt like a century. But not the whole class felt that way. Zee didn’t. Zee did not spread his wings to fly just like the others did. He was stunned, in confusion, in fear.

The day Zee entered 3E1, he knew this was ‘it’. He made it here and he was proud of himself. People around him congratulated him for having made it to the Pure Science Class. He knew it was gonna be tough but he figured he should start off nice and easy. After all, he was in the first class. And he wasn’t going to ‘war’ that year anyway.

So Zee ambitiously lived each day, dreaming of being a hero. ‘Let life unveil itself’, he declared, an affirmation of his confidence and resolution to take it easy. He thought ‘There shall be an intense period before the O’s when THEN I’ll torture myself. There’s still time’. What he didn’t realize back then was that single thought, which he continued to reassure in his mind, was a pledge for suicide. Ultimately, he has already been defeated, without even entering the war.

As months proceeded, people around Zee thought he was progressing. Yes, Zee did his homework, but not all of them. Yes, Zee did pass his exams, but again, not all of them. Zee pardoned each failure with a mere ‘I’ll do better at the REAL thing – the O levels.” However, inspiration to amend his mistakes did not last long. He failed, he reassured improvement, and he failed again. He was living a lie. Lying to his relatives, his friends, his parents, most severely, to himself.

When Zee’s finally year approached, he imprudently assumed himself that ‘the intense period of preparation will come, but not now’. It remained engraved on the bulletin board inside his immature mind. He continued to cherish every praise, which did nothing more than only to inflate his ego. He took his time, his homework, his exams for granted.

Eventually, a tremendous amount of pressure cascaded down on him like a landslide. He assumed that period he’s so frequently reminded of has arrived. He started studying rapidly, attempting to hold on to whatever he can extract out of his textbooks. The moment he thought he had shifted into high gear, the world came crashing down on him. Life turned upside down.

Pressure multiplied as people showered him with high expectations, hopes and well wishes. Hours are maximized at the study table. Every math sum he tackled had only backfired him right in the face. Every science fact he jammed in, it only led him to new ones. Insane. Just plain insane.

Day 1 of war. Zee rode his horse proudly into battle, clutching hard onto his weapons, in anticipation of the enemy. A ripple of fear appeared on his face. His inner voice whispered deep into his ear, "You’re not ready.” Unfortunately his conscience was right.

Weeks of war were lived with nothing but anxiety, tension, and intensity. Painful morning and night preparations were deemed futile when Zee’s inner voice was proved right again – paper after paper. Zee was hit by a fever on the day of his Physics Paper 2, which hindered him completely from preparing for the next paper the next day: E Maths Paper 2.

His second shot at his MT paper was blown to shreds when his specialty in writing expository compositions proved to be no match for the question – but he was forced to take it on as he wasn’t prepared enough for the other choices. His inner voice was proved right yet again. It was like trying to slay a dragon with a sword, made of cotton.

The days went rapidly. Practicing Add Maths was like defusing bombs. Memorizing History was counting sand grains on the beach. Time constraints only led Zee to ‘selective studying’ – in other words, laying death traps for himself. The horror, the pain, the misery.

And there he stood. The day after O levels, feeling nothing but emptiness. Cold, dark, and immense emptiness. Never, I repeat, never think that you’ve done enough for yourself or think you’ll rejoice later.

What’s the point? What’s the fucking point if you’re just gonna weep and whimper when you get your Final results?
What’s the point throwing away so much money, four years of opportunity to achieve success, only to obtain failure?
What’s the point of regretting and wishing you could start all over again?

Don’t be a fool and permanently label yourself a loser by regretting later.

Here’s the truth: If you’ve been thinking highly of my resilience, intelligence, and diligence – you have clearly overestimated me. I was in the first class, that doesn’t make me a champion. Zee was a boy who was a fool who had been immersed in selfish overconfidence, relishing the worthless worldly pleasures and busy finding buried treasure when he’s actually digging his own grave.

Time and time again, you hear people tell you: ‘Work very hard’, ‘Do your best’, ‘It’s for your own good’.. I’m not here to nag and repeat those, but like you, I am a teenager too. I’ve been through this.

Take some time to think about what you have done and what you have become. Most importantly, what you will become if you keep this up. Time waits for no man, and I know it sounds cliché, but there’s no other way. You have a lot of potential, don’t turn the tables on yourself.

Don’t be like Zee.
Don’t be like me.

It’s just not worth it.

Apparently...

2008-11-29T22:23:00.003+08:00

Hello?

Do people still come here? Dammit, we are so touched.
Hyder's on (hopefully) temporary absence due to hindrances of internet access. Sorry much, but I guess can't help that now. Ironically he said he'll be blogging after O's but woe is the world, APPARENTLY he is unable to return. *Sigh* He's probably in nowhere land right now, and I'm blogging on his behalf.

Oh yeah, he wanted to say something he didnt' get to say earlier due to hiatus:

THIS FREAKIN SUCKS.
-Hyder

Ohkay gotta go now.

-Hyder's schizophrenic self

Schizophrenic

2008-11-03T21:57:00.007+08:00

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL THAT REPLACEMENT JUST APPEAR OUTTA NOWHERE AND BRUSH ME OFF MY FEET SO I CAN FINALLY FALL FLAT ON MY FACE AND LEARN THE HARD WAY THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER LITTLE FISHIES IN THE SEA?!?!

ARGH!!! THIS PATHETIC IGNORANT LOSER IM ADDICTED TO IS SO DRIVING ME GODDAMN SCHIZOPHRENIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM MOONSTRUCK AND UNGLUED AND MENTALLY DERANGED AND STILL THAT REPLACEMENT HAS NOT ARRIVED TO SQUEEZE MY BRAIN UNTIL IM OBLIVIOUS TO THIS IRRATIONAL HYSTERIA..............

WWAHWAHWAWAHWAWAWHAWAHWAWHAAHWAHWAHWAHWAHAHWAHWAHA!!!! PVVVVTT!!!!! PVVVVVVVVVT!!!!! CONSIDER THIS MY FINAL PLEA FOR AN ORDINARY LIFE WITHOUT THIS RELENTLESS INSANITY... I WANT FREEDOM FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THIS HORRIBLE DREADFUL OBNOXIOUS INSENSITIVE LITTLE NEANDERTHAL BRAT!!!!!!

WITHOUT A REPLACEMENT I AM DEFENSELESS AND POWERLESS AND HAPLESS...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH..... IM..... IM...

SHRINKING....
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
....

*POP*

This Is It

2008-10-15T23:57:00.001+08:00

This Is It

by Hyder

This is it

There’s no more holding back
Your past struggles have only led to this-
An all-out final attack
Focus on achieving results
And you will stay on track
The perilous seas you’ll have to sail
The merciless waves your ship will smack

Seems like we’re at world’s end
And you’re the undaunted Captain Jack

This is it

No more struggles, no more regrets
Time to escape this vicious cycle
Your illustrious journey is coming to an end
And now you’re at the pinnacle
You now decide your own ending
Will it be mediocre or epic,
Disheartening or fantastic,
Phenomenal or melancholic,
Or maybe just plain catastrophic

If you’ve not decided you better be quick
There’s no point turning back
When the clock starts to tick

This is it

The enemies have been awaiting your arrival
Your victory have they forced to disallow
To front their blows with courage in your hearts
Will you dare to vow?
To harvest the storm, they said
It’s the wind you must first sow
Don’t you audaciously ask what,
Why, where, when or how

Fight gallantly, young warriors
There’s no other time but now

Heyo. So how's you like my new poem. Deep huh? But it seems kinda silly after reading it for a few times. I dedicate this poem to all my secondary 4 friends, my sister and Hau Yan =D

I wish good luck to all of you fellow warriors. I've always seen the O' level exams as a war we have to succeed in. Failure=death for me.

Currently I'm trying my very best to gain in as much info as possible before the 'war'.

March on!

Experience is key,

so don't forget to practice your spellcasting (I mean, do practise mathematics)

Don't forget your incantations too!(I mean formulae)

Make sure you're weapons (I mean, stationery) are in tip-top condition.

Sheesh. See how obsessed I am with this war thing.

LOLZ.

May we triumph in our struggle for excellence!

And freedom too!

Haha.

Bye guys.

Wish me luck. ~

Ace

2008-09-13T00:00:00.006+08:00

It's 00:00

Happy Hydemorphosis Hyder.

I'm 16 today.

It aint exactly the sweetest 16th birthday.. but hey, let's always ditch the past and ace the future aiite?
Say goodbye to emo-hyde, lovesick-hyde, or vengeful-hyde.

It's not a comeback,

it's a new beginning.

Nonexistent

2008-08-10T23:01:00.003+08:00

I was thinking my new 'emo' template would turn sour fast.

So I reverted back to the best template there is: No template.

Maybe I might close this blog down coz it's dying. And maybe a revival after the O's.

Preparation for war has really gotten me racing for time.

So now I'll slowly make myself vanish coz my presence on the computer had only catalysed the sand in my hourglass. Lol. I love being metaphorical. Till the time comes, I shall remain nonexistent.

Talk is cheap. Time is money. Fate is unfair. And destiny is inevitable.

I shall return.

~Hyd

Spellbound

2008-07-23T00:08:00.005+08:00

HEYO HEYO HEYO

Wow. This day was one of the best days ever. Only on msn, I brought me and Maiz' relationship to a whole new level and I also made some newfound friends I never thought I would: Nadiah and Wajihah.

I spent my afternoon studying with my sister Hau Yee and my awesome pal Sharil by the pond. It was so damn fun filming Sharil for his little talk show and its so fun when Hau Yee's around. These two are so close to me, they're like family (even when one 'ahem' already is). LOL!

That evening, Maiz had been acting really strange lately and often showered me with uncalled praises I never really deserved. She was being really sweet though I'm still oblivious to her charm spells. I'm still confused of how we had gotten so far in such a short time, and how our lonely souls seem to find connection once more. Either way, she really made my day with our conversation. Can't wait to see her again sometime soon.

While as the night proceeded, I started to build up the friendship status between my and my sweet tuition friends Nadiah and Wajihah, though I hardly knew them before this day. It started when Nadiah asked me a history question and then it evolved into a vibrant conversation. 'Wawa' joined in and it got a lot more insane. Amazingly, we crapped about so many things and I threw in so many idiotic jokes I never thought I could think of. In one night, our connection spiralled from a cold zero to deliriously sky-high.

Really really had a lot of fun tonight. And it was one of those intoxicated days that outwitted all the miserable ones in the past weeks. Nothing would please me more than to be with those that I really respected and cherished as special friends. You guys know who you are, and I hope more delightful souls continue to step into my life and create a whole new world for me. As the tides of the exams continue to crash against me, I'm now surviving on you guys as my life-buoys. I've a feeling this black-and-white life will soon be replaced by a whole new spellbound world full of love and laughter.

Thanks to Sharil, Maiz, Hau Yee, Hau Yan, Ummi, Nasha, and my hilarious new friends. Thanks for turning my life around, when its so long upside down. Thanks for being there for me. I'll always be there for you guys, and that's a lifelong promise. While the others whom are not mentioned, don't think I've forgotten about you guys okay. As long as your name is written somewhere in this blog, I would die if you weren't my firned. ^^

And hey, with wits, charm, love and humour, even the tiniest of friendships and ounces of infatuation can create wonders.

And yes, even for half-emos like me. :)

Mediocrity

2008-07-17T21:22:00.006+08:00

16/7/08

Career Seminar! I came to school in a cream-coloured shirt plus a dark grey tie. I kinda liked it coz it looked great even though it's cheap. LOL. Well everyone looked awesome and I favourited all my pals outfits. Somehow it really really suits their personality. Sis looked great too even when it was her second career seminar, haha. I told Mom and Dad lotsa people wore blazers. Dad criticized them and told me what's the point in dressing up for a job interview when ppl think you're already a CEO when you stepped in.

I digged all the talks and stuff. After the whole thing, TenDays and I hurried to Changi Airport T2 to spend our Swensens voucher. I thought I might get lonely at first, but it turned out okay in the end. When we got there I gobbled down a whole chicken-mushroom mayo pizza and slurped on a super soda. It's worth that twenty bucks, I felt like a puffer fish. Then we all shared the Earthquake. It reduced to 0 on the Richter Scale in less than 5 minutes. Hahaha.

When we got the bill it was like a total of a hundred plus bucks. Not surprising, but it drained the dough out of everyone. Then the girls were like using the calculator determining who pays how much. Hilarious!

I collapsed on the bed when I got home and slept for a few hours. Regretted it, coz when I woke up I thought I was gonna get indigestion but my stomach was still bloated as ever and my brain was in a daze. I did not gain a single pound.

17/7/08

Woke up with a cramped arm. It had frozen throughout the night, just my luck. School brought a bit less mediocrity on thursdays (coz there's no Physics today), and I had to retake my final final final final 2.4km run for my life in secondary school. I was first among all the other runners, but I sucked as always anyway. I had Good Charlotte to help me. Halfway through a bunch of our own schoolgirls (maybe sec 1-2) darting in their direction. They stopped to see me make a turn and they stared at me till I ran past. I thought I heard one say 'Waa he damn hot sia...' I rolled my eyes. Three cheers for imagination.

=.=

Okay so that's it. Y'know sometimes when you're a guy like me, living te life based on gloom and pessimism, it's kinda hard to face reality when it suddenly turns positive. Fate throws in bits and pieces of happiness to fool you so you'd 'brighten' up but eventually you come across some kinda negative side effect to it. So being negative sometimes eases the crap they'd throw at you later, a bit like finding out the truth when you make assumptions. I always lose when I jump to conclusions. The sad thing is, I can't stop myself.

Lady Luck always had a catch when she winks at me. I never really enjoyed her company.

~Hyd

Cara Lynn

2008-07-14T00:59:00.003+08:00

Dear Cara Lynn,

I was looking through old memoirs of the times we had in the past. Wow, were they great. If only I could turn back time I'd go through all of those with you once more. But sad to say, they're locked up in the past forever. If only you'd just answer my questions so I could break free just like you did. But no, you'd rather let me weep silently in confusion. What's your reason for leaving me like this? You never told me.

As the days grow cold and pointless, I couldn't remind myself of where we went wrong. I know we couldn't carry on like this any longer so you had to let me go. But why, Cara Lynn, why? You took me by surprise. What happened really? Was it me, was it you? Was it someone in between? Was it something like love but it's not? You never told me.

I struggled to find the missing pieces that make up my heart. There were scars that bled every once in a while, and wounds that are yet to heal. The sleepless nights went on for weeks, as I reflected on the wrong paths we took. Or maybe it was just me. What made you think I wasn't the one? You never told me.

As I pulled myself together, I shrouded myself in a whole new personality I've never thought I'd become. Darkness and uncertainty were my soulmates, while misery was my company. And love became my greatest foe. I've taught you a lot about living life in raging thunderstorm and how the path ahead will ever be unseen. I knew what was in for me now, but what will you become in the future? You never told me.

You've taught me a lot, Cara Lynn. I've never known true friendship if not for you. Though you have left me nothing but memories, you turned me into a guardian. You sent me someone to look after and guide while she grows up in high school. She's really close to me now and she's doing really well. I know the Cara Lynn I knew will be gone forever, but I promise I'll take care of her for as long as I can. If we hadn't crossed paths my life would have never been so meaningful...

But I just can't help it. How I've missed you and longed for your return. Not a word you have sent me since that fateful day. Where are you now, Cara Lynn? Will I ever get to see you again? I've been crawling in the dark searching for the answers and I've never found them.

Only you have the answers I need.. but the sad thing is..

..you never told me.

~Hyder

Charlie

2008-07-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

This is the most hilarious thing on Youtube!

~Cheerz

Desultory

2008-07-10T22:05:00.004+08:00

Hey..

If you're reading this then many thanks to you coz you're probably the only one who's been here since eons ago. (http://www.dictionary.com/) Yeah. Go check out what's an eon. Anyway the new template doesn't seem to be attracting more readers.. just the flies. Is it really that stinky around here, or its just the lack of dramatic emo-ness-ness-ness? Dammit how come when I try to step down my emo and put jokes on the blog, no one comes here. No one tags.

To my avid readers out there, do you ever get sick of me being emo shyt on the blog all the time? Geez I thought people are pissed by my words but suddenly I'm confused. I don't get it man. Maybe I should get a home on Mars or something. I heard Martians know how to bake cookies.

So a week ago I submitted my 1000 word essay for the principal's competition on 'Emo teens in Singapore'. I kinda got inspired by colossal emotional prowess teens are willing to show these days so I wrote on how we can turn emos into bagpipe-playing angels or something like that. Yup, there IS HOPE.

Me? Naah. I'm not really those exrtreme slit-your-wrist kinda emo. More like the mild-mannered-Clark-Kentish kinda emo. No violence and gore in my movie. Yeah no striped socks... or piercings.. or eyeliner.. or hair.. don't rub it in please. I admit, I am very emotional driven and sensitive and I'm not proud of that. In case you don't know yet, this emolution that I go through helps me escape my worries and heals at the wounds inside.

Hyderiffic cure for heartbreaks: My Chemical Romance, darkness, silence and hostility. And not forgetting the enchanted aura of a moonlit night.

*sigh*

I'm just not that side right now. I'll be be back with more emo crap. Soon, I think, if I'm still alive after Physics tomorrow. See yahz.

Temperature

2008-06-27T22:50:00.001+08:00

It's Burning Up, by the Jonas Brothers.

Rock on~

End of Holidays

2008-06-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

The days are becoming shorter.

The nights are disappearing fast.
The path has become twisted as ever.

The skies are starting to gloom.

The storm is brewing.

The earth is shaking.

The wind is picking up.

The darkness is swallowing us up.

The firestorm is coming down on us.

The fog is finally clearing.
The gates of destiny has opened.

THE END IS NEAR

And the Battle has JUST BEGUN.

No. It cant be.

....

Crud.

Hyder's 100th Post.

2008-06-16T12:05:00.002+08:00

Congratulations Hyder. Ya did it man, your 100th post.

It's been quite a while. I mean... wow not bad. Its been almost 3 years.

Well I'm in sec 4 and halfway through. I've gone through so many phases in this teen life that I dont' know where to begin. Smiles, upsets, laughter, horror, fatigue, celerity, courage, perseverence, hate, despair, embarrassment, nonsense, jubilance, failures and accomplishments.

What a day. What a week. What a year. What an irony.
Four years and still I have not grown out of the particular things I'm suppose to get rid of. And so many different evolutions, not one am I proud of.

Sec 1: The Mouse.

I was small, scared and oblivious to others around me. I was amazingly helpful, friendly, stupid and vulnerable. I feared all the others around me, I longed to be the best, I showed the rest what I'm made of. I was curious of what I will go through, with not a clue of what's my fate. Tiny, helpless and confused.

Sec 2: The Puppy.

Unknown to what the consequences were, I took stupid risks, with the hope of obtaining the rewards I never deserved. Like a sick, annoying little canine, I developed pointless infatuations, not one did I not regret. I endured every sick joke they played on me, every kick, every beating, every bite, every scratch. My heart pledged for vengeance, restoration and hope. And I succeeded.

Sec 3: The Wolf.

Towering over those who used to intimidate me, I stepped forward with a new destiny. Old friends departed, new companions came in. I only looked towards victory, despite so many challenges that arose. Little do I know the pursuit for desire would only open a can of worms. Alone and confused, once again, I suffered under my own actions, I repeated mistakes. I even discovered the meaning of true love, and the happiness behind it. But I found myself drowning in a pool of emotions everytime I crawled out from under the rock. But I fought to the very last bitter end.

Now in sec 4 I'm still finding myself. Not the fool, not the geek, not the emo. I'm still stuck in a broken love triangle. IM STILL STUCK IN THIS BLOODY HEARTBREAKING LOVE TRIANGLE. I don't know why do I still do this, why do I even bother DREAMING? I guess if I'd just receive all the answers it probably won't hurt so bad, aww the crud. Sinking... kicking... have to survive the waves before I drown once again. I think now I know what my sec 4 stage is.

Sec 4: The Mouse, The Puppy and The Wolf. Drifting apart from my sanity, I wish to break free once more. Maybe grow fins or even wings.. I'm still as vulnerable as the mouse, as hapless as the puppy, and as alone, and confused as the wolf. I still jump to conclusions and offer myself sacrifice to fate. I have yet to counter every weakness, and still I submit to them occassionally. My past has left many, many scars, which some I know can never heal. Put myself on the line: Crash, and burn.

Like I said, there are some things I've done or been through that I am not proud of, and is still haunting me till this day. Maybe, just maybe it'll be one last evolution before I leave high school. She's still a part of me, and its really really hard to face the reality of all this. Is there a hidden truth behind all this? She knows damn well it kills me, but I'll never break free from her clutches. Why deos she seem so close when she's the person I'll never be with in the future? Will I ever find my answers?

Metamorphosis and all that, has taken its toll, and maybe I'm not ready yet to break out of this cocoon. Happiness or destiny, one of which I shall have to sacrifice. A 100 posts, and still seeking the true meaning of victory. Still drowning in confusion. Still crawling in the dark.

One day, Hyder, you'll see.

Phrases and Formulae you oughta keep in mind

2008-06-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

LOGIC OF LOVE

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Stay happy alwayz~

The fourth time

2008-06-14T13:51:00.002+08:00

Well it's been one cool holidays but we'll be coming back in a few more days time. I seriously got nothing good to write about so i just dump the emo aside and blog this:

The local news station was interviewing an 84-year old lady because she had just got married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director,"she answered.

"Okaay... interesting,"the man thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first
married a banker in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster in her 40's, later to a preacher when in her 60's and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

"Easy, son," she smiled.
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"

:D LOLL...
Anyway, forget the old lady. I might be sticking to glasses for the rest of my pitiful life. Damn it.

Plunged

2008-05-31T19:39:00.003+08:00

Two words:

'Simply remarkable.'

After so many attempts our principal finally plunged to his watery fate. What a classic. I luv me camera.

U coulda seen the look on his face, it was like Scream. WHAHA

Troubled

2008-05-24T22:32:00.003+08:00

Just to add on to the 'Don't' list I've been writing since the day I became her friend.
( September 2006 - June 2008 - future )

Don't give her anymore drawings.
Don't blog about things about us that they're not meant to know.
Don't tell her you miss her like shit.
Don't sms her when she's having that three-letter-word-thing-that-girls-have.
Don't ask her what the hell is that three-letter-word-thing-that-girls-have.
Don't go overseas and have a sms chat with her till you blow your bills.
Don't forget to tag her blog if you tagged her sister's.
Don't keep telling her how much you like cheese.
Don't chat with her for more than 2 hours.
Don't EVER say that three-word-phrase to her coz u know it's not true.
Don't always think that she hates you.
Don't pretend to avoid her when you don't really mean it.
Don't tell her how much you dream of her.
Don't talk about anything that has to do with love.
Don't tell her about who's crushing on you.
Don't tell her about who you're crushing on.
Don't complain about life to her.
Don't tell her about how you're related to her juniors.
Don't ask her who she's in love with.
Don't ask her about you.
Don't send her lame poems.
Don't talk about your past with her.
Don't sweet talk her.
Don't send her anymore gifts or she'll grow fat and then you'll be sorry.
Don't ask her how she is coz you're only gonna get the same answer.
Don't use VERY DIFFICULT words.
Don't pretend to act cool/dumb/funny/cute/hot/macho.
Don't use metaphors.
Don't talk to her unless you have a very good reason.
Don't tell her you still like her.
Don't stab yourself when you see her at school.
Don't scare her to death. ( Usually unavoidable )
Don't send her smses she'll never understand.
Don't be so emo when you talk to her coz she doesn't like it.
Don't go crazy when she comes online. ( Can't help it. )
Don't kill yourself if she doesn't wanna talk to you.
( Too bad. I lost count on how many lives I've wasted )
Don't send her anymore Backstreet Boys songs.

Too bad I don't have a 'Do' list coz she's really unpredictable. Or maybe, it's just me. I'm sorry, girl.

May the list go on. :)

Unthinkable

2008-05-15T16:44:00.004+08:00

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freakin !#$%^&* I seriously don't know what to say, or what I was thinking, but I definitely pulled through!

In case you forget, or you're not from BV, I actually did something not many would be sane enough to do. I had to read this speech called the Letter to Myself in front of the whole school and I turned it into not only a great speech, but a great laugh as well! Geeeeeezzz....!!!

Whoever thought the someone who could actually turn a speech upside down was me>?
Whoever thought I would be brave enough to pull off something silly like that>?
Whoever thought I received more laughter than I had expected>?
Whoever thought an emo like me would sum up the courage to make the whole school laugh>?
Whoever thought I could make such an impact on my life that I would never forget>?
POST SPEECH INTERVIEW

Q: Hyder, you were chosen as one of the best and invited up the podium to read your Letter to Myself to the whole school. And the way you read, it was really 'interesting'. What do you have to say?

A: LOLs.. You know since Day 1 I wanted to make an impact. I don't care what sort of impact I leave, as long as its large scale. I saw the Letter to Myself and I saw it as an opportunity. And I did the unthinkable. I read out me Letter in some kinda western slang. Not only that, I read it freakin fast. Insane, yes, ridiculous, yes, but I pulled it off. I made NO errors in pronounciation and it came out kinda entertaining... and maniacal.

Q: Did you plan to do that from the start?

A: Okay, well seriously from the beginning I never thought that was the wisest thing to do, considering how many people are actually watching... so no, it wasn't planned. I guess sometimes you just have to show the whole school another side of you they never knew, and be a fool for 2 minutes. Still, I kinda enjoyed myself up there. I was crazy shyt. :)

Q: How did you feel after you've read the speech?

A: To tell you the truth, ever since that morning, I wasn't quite myself. In fact I was being the old paranoid Hyder. I was afrad of what the teachers might say. Or what people might think of me in a long run. I was really freakin worried for a while. But now I'm just proud of myself.

Q: You said you wanted to make an impact, tell us more.

A: I wanted to leave school with an experience I'll never forget. I wanted to show people that I'm not that kinda person who is boring, haughty and all emotional. I wanted to be myself, but I couldn't find that opportunity until now. I don't want to leave school without making an impact. So now I'm really ecstatic, coz I never really know the conservative Hyder would clown around in front of the school. Still, that letter was not meant to be all messed up. It DID have a message, right?! Killed 2 birds with one stone but I had sto sacrifice some of that so-called dignity. LOL. It was worth it.

Q: Any last words you'd like to say?

A : Sometimes you never thought you can pull of something no one else has done before, and the satisfaction is really great. Believe, be yourself and dare to take risks. You never really know until you've tried and when its something BIG, it's really an experience you'll never forget. And from then on.. your life will NEVER EVEEEEEEEER BE THE SAME AGAIN. :D

Exhilarated

2008-05-12T00:54:00.003+08:00

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY..................

Forget my previous post okay.
There's nothing about it. I was y'know, crazy emo roller coaster shyt and all that.. yes so don't read the previous post called 'gift' coz it means nothing okay, nonsense. So stop asking yourself stupid questions about me coz its all meaningless and cannot be answered. Yeah yeah. Nothing surprising there huh? I mean, *snort* c'mon, it's Hyder, since when is it surprising to see him sulk about himself like some jackass with no directions. Oh waitasec, since when has this guy have directions, i mean, psssh! For Pete's sake someone tell this guys to get a grip. He's writing all this crap he doesnt even understand and he expects people to listen to him. Whatever man. Like totally when has this blog even talks about the joys about human life its not like we're living in some fantasy emo world where everyone just goes 'wee hee look at me im a sad sad emo'. Its like feeding bull crap to us when we're stuck in the middle of the sahara. Geez would this guy come back to Earth he's driving us nuts. Yeah look one example is that you still read this sorta lame shit he's talkin to himself when you're not supposed to. Hey man u got guts to read this so maybe you should like fly away now go home or this post will drive you nuts. Seriously. So are your parents screaming their guts out at you for using the computer too long. Well i think its about time they should coz u are starting to get on my nerves. Just read the last damn sentence and stop torturing yourself man. No, really, get off the screen. Dude, I can't help it so just quit now when you can or you'll regret it later okay. Dammit you're reaching the end what the heck man. Howd u get this far. So whatever. Maybe you should get a counsellor or psychiatrist or something coz u really have issues or do u really like this post so much you just cant get ur eyes unglued from it. Man, and I thought I was nuts. The real purpose is, just dont read my previous post again coz it sux and its a damn waste of time. Like this post. Typical I must say but hey, you chose to read it. Mmhm, yup so don't remember anything about what I said earlier. Or what I JUST said.
Coz it means nothing. Nothing, okay?

Ha-ha. Mm-Hm. Yeah. Oh yes. Mmm. Oh really. Yeah. Okaay. Ahh. Ooh. Wee. Yup. Exactly. Swell. Yeah. Okies. :)

Am I happy? OH OF COURSE IM HAPPY, IM DAMN EXHILARATED in fact. :D

Gift

2008-05-11T00:26:00.003+08:00

Y'know.

Have you ever imagined yourself having a certain 'gift' but you are never really sure if its a blessing or curse?

Ever wondered what would have happened if you can rely so much on intuition that it scares you? If this so-called gift could change your destiny in a split second, and affect the people you love around you? When it comes, you fear something terrible happens and you regret when it actually does.

I don't get it. Why me? What is this strange feeling I cannot explain and tell others? Would it soon lead to my dreams, or my destruction?

I don't want them to be hurt anymore.

When will this ever end?

Be careful.

Starstruck a.k.a The Biannual Proclamation

2008-05-03T00:38:00.006+08:00

Hey~

Y'know I was thinking. YOU, as a reader of this blog, what is it that keeps you coming back here and reading all this shit. Is it the emo aura? The videos? The boombastic vocabulary? The colourless life? The cool pics? The 'ahem' hot portraits? The black? The blue? The bubbles (=.=)? The dreamy atmosphere? The endless goof? The neverending lists? The annoying poetry? The ridiculous irony? The everlasting insanity?

What what what? People say I rock at writing. Well, I must admit I really love writing, but is it really that good. Dunno, I never really judged myself.

Oh well. Lotsa things happened today. I kinda bumped into sis quite a few times the past week. And GOSH, she talked to me, how often does THAT happen?! Like, WOW. *Starstruck* Personally, I would admit that I seem to 'celebritize' the people I respect most. So, let me list them out.

Cheng Wei, John, Oliver, Wei Jie, Zhao Ying, Rachel, Cally, Jesslyn, Hau Yan, Hau Yee, Shirley, Darwin, Sharil, Nasha, Ummi, Grayson, Mubaraka, Carmen, Dun Ping, TzuYing, Raja, Maisarah, Daniel, Joanne, Dion, Ming Leon, Keith, Natalie, Kristie, Ryan, Chris (sis will be proud), Miss Goh, Miss Chia, Mrs Cheong ( T.T ).....

YOU

PEOPLE

ROCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

*pant*

Yeah, yeah, it's a real honour, thank you so much for existing.

*bows to you* And yes, I will still be alive tomorrow. I think.

~Hyder

Kick Butt

2008-05-01T00:28:00.004+08:00

Nothing special, just trailers that really kick butt...
..literally.

The first three are superhero movies but I dunno aobut the last one. What do you think? LOL...

Mundane

2008-04-28T23:58:00.007+08:00

.......

This is for ******.

What-the-hell.

I've had it with you dammit. I've been taking so much shyt from you lately that I don't know what I see in you anymore. How things have changed.

Maybe you don't realize it but you sure like to 'reprimand' me for the smallest things I say that are so small, they're mundane. Fine, sometimes I get a little carried away with my ruthless commentary but why do you have to embarrass me in front of the whole class, my own best friends, and even in front of people who hardly know me. Thanks for shaping my reputation, you've been a wonderful help.

I dunno what's gotten into you, I don't know you anymore. Where's the kindhearted and caring person I used to confide my feelings to when there was no other adult who understands? You helped me when I was made a fool by my so-called 'friends', you stood up for me when there was no justice. You cured me of depression, you eliminated the guilt that was eating through me at that time, and you gave me confidence. You even saw me shed tears. You inspired me.

But now I just hate you.

You consider me insensitive to you. Oh really? What about yourself. I totally destroyed me at times and you say I'M INSENSITIVE?! You said I 'shouted' you often now. Well, quite truthfully, I DID NOT 'shout' at you. I didn't mean to even if I did. Would you f-off, I'm starting to feel like you deserved it.

You're not a friend. You're not even a student. You're just this adult who never really bothered about us and complaining about how troubling and unfair life is. Well it is, thanks to you.

I hope I don't see you so often and I will not talk to you again, at least until I've seen you change. You probably are thinking about the same thing right? Well, shyt you.

..I hate you.

Wicked

2008-04-21T22:12:00.005+08:00

DAMMIT!

So how'd you find this wicked ride?

holy shyt..

ISNT IT JUST FREAKIN AWESOME!?

Wow.. so this is a virtual simulation of what they call 'The Behemoth' at Canada's Wonderland. It goes 125 km/h and it goes 230ft , 74 degrees vertical on its first drop.

Hell, I'm SO GONNA BE THERE.

I shall watch it over and over again coz I'ts just drivin me nuts...

don't you just love the adrenaline rushing through your veins..

Maybe next I'll put in skydiving videos....

This rocks, why haven't I thought of this sooner...

Killer Potatoes

2008-04-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

White Rose

2008-04-19T00:13:00.005+08:00

Life is gray scale.

It moves with so great celerity that colour can hardly be seen. What would your life be like if it were as gray as mine?
~

Sometimes your friends have everything...

Good grades... lots of other friends.. an overloaded wallet.. popularity at school.. a lover and a thousand admirers..

You hardly have any of the above and when you finally just sit down, and just reflect on yourself..

You see nothing but a void of black and white..

Have you ever thought of someone whom you love very very very very much, and he/she made such a deep impact on your life...

So much so that..

..your heart has shattered to only dust..?

..your personality has changed for the worse..?

..your history holds scars that may never heal..?

..your present has been nothing but miserable..?

..your destiny has changed to the wrong end..?

..your life has lost its colour..?

After all this, would you still let your love or friendship or even time flush it all away?

Would you still call this person special to you despite all that has happened?

Have you ever wondered fate has brought you to the person in the first place?

It's like...

Injuring your fingers from the thorns of a beautiful white rose

but when you bring it closer to smell it,

there's no scent.

This is ridiculous.

Mordacity

2008-04-08T21:53:00.003+08:00

So after 5 days of...

ABSOLUTE
DESPAIR/ ANXIETY/ ANGUISH/ WRETCHEDNESS/ TORMENT/ MISERY/ AGONY/ EXASPERATION/ EXCRUCIATION/ INFLAMMATION

I've finally survived the damned fever but when I least expected it the stupid throat infection still existed and is now scathing the insides of my throat. OW.

Swallowing whale-sized pills... -.-

The dumb 800mg antibiotics sured caused one heckuva stirrup in my guts.
It's like this: The heroic and gallant white blood cells were fighting the treacherous villainous bacteria in the battlefield of Hydertopia. Billions and trillions perished in the catastrophic battle for biological micro-organismic supremacy

....

When suddenly out of nowhere the devastating dragons known only as the fearsome antibiotics came in and blasted the dumbfounded armies into the oblivion! WOO HOO. Who cares if its the health clowns or the tango shmango germs, they all get disintegrated to dust. As a result, Hyder can't sleep. Explosions erupted and blaze raged on inside his tummy, and THAT is not exactly the nicest thing to feel in the world. ==

Glad that's over. Stupid thing about the antibiotics, it doesnt just kill the bacteria, it drains ur energy up as well. Even ur good cells are killed. 0.0 At least that's what mom told me. I did not once succumb to the sheer mordacity of my illness, and I'm proud of that. :D Still, i missed NAPFA and a whole lotta school and now have to catch up. This sucks. I dont wanna run with the izty bitzy tootzie shmoopzies from BV. (I mean the lower sec)

Man, now I think I have a broken neck.

Perplexity

2008-04-03T23:33:00.004+08:00

Heyys~

Just another okay week, boring like every other.
I guess ya can't really expect thrill when you're taking the fast, yet dreadful path.

I don't get it. How have I survived this far without thrill? I need something to drive my pulse wild, rock my brain beserk and send my blood rushing through my veins.. I'm deprived of sheer thrill. -.-

Just came back after night classes..
which before that I had 2.4km training at bedok reservoir, then walking about 2 km in the heavy downpour to school for media and then back at 6pm and went for nite classes at 7pm

Mom's fever was getting worse. She's just lying there on the bed her eyes closed yet chanting her prayers. Dad and my bros had tucked her in. I sat down beside her and talked to her. She says she's feeling extremely cold and weak. It's not fever....

Haniff my youngest bro had the heart of gold and sat beside her. He was worried, I could see deep fear in his eyes. He'd never seen mom so ill before and I guess he really couldn't help but cry.. tears of perplexity. He wished he could help but he couldn't. I never doubted my brother. Though he's just 7 and a half, he's really concerned for those he loves. He's not like any other and I'm proud to be his brother.

Seeing mom so helpless like that... it just stirs our emotions..

After I took a glass of water for mom she fell asleep. Or at least I think she did. It just scares me, y'know. Day in day out, mom takes care of all of us and when she's down the whole house seems to be upside down. For my brothers, their despair and unease are just so much more than I can imagine.

Get well soon, mom, I love you.

Irrepressible emotions

2008-03-25T22:53:00.007+08:00

Your Guardian Angel

by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

"Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

This song is like a stormcloud. Across the sky a dark cloud approaches, growing more massive by the second. Whirlwinds rush in, darkness overshadows everything below. Sorrow and despair would then be superseded by rage, ferocity, excitement and intensity as a thunderstorm breaks out. It goes on in me. Lightning strikes my heart and rain storms my mind.

Music has a lot of emotional influence in me. Significant songs such as this one, despite how new it may seem, may trigger memories and will lead to irrepressible, or even undesirable emotions. And boy, do they bring thrill. That's all I ever wanted in everyday life- thrill. It hurts so bad yet feels so good. It's fun being emo.

All I wanted was to see you happy. I was there for you when you needed someone, and I stayed beside you in case you break down. I saw my significance to your life but as time passes, it slowly starts to fade. You've become more stronger as the months went on.

Would you look back one day and remember the boy who never regretted staying by your side and would you call him...

..your "guardian angel?"

I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven..

Stupefaction

2008-03-21T00:05:00.002+08:00

Oh kay well, I guess I owe you some kinda explanation for the previous post since.. well.. obviously I was NOT myself. And I guess you're dying to know how the 'quacking' came about. Here's the sad story:

Unless you're HauYan or DunPing, you won't know that I had a shut-eye (it means SLEEP) during a really crucial two hours of the day, and I woke up at 10:10pm. DunPing, I guess I was too traumatised to tell you the whole story.. HauYan, I WANTED to tell you, but considering the number of 'huh?'s you're throwing back at me, I'll write it all here. Haha, I can't blame you, I'm an idiot after all. ~

ANYWAY, mom and dad left home at evening but they entrusted me with the responsibility to run an errand for a woman living two blocks away at 9.30pm. It was an incredibly-important errand, to send some stuff to the woman when she gets home. I know her, but she never knew I existed, she's mom's friend. I figured I'd get this simple job done in no time but na na na na, reality check: I only woke up 40 mins late. Why? Fatigue..stress.. and I complacency. My comp was on when I awoke, 2 ppl wanted to talk on msn, when suddenly I noticed the time on the screen.

... T.T Beautiful night for a stroll isn't it?

Panic. Panic. Panic. What now? Change and get my ass to the woman's house now? Or just sit here like a good boy and await my doom. How would the woman feel? How would my parents feel? How would I feel? Stupidity made me stay awhile to compose my thoughts. But maybe it's time the woman got some justice so I rushed there immediately.

Well, here's the painful part. I waited a good 5 minutes outside her door and a woman in her late forties confronted me with a murderous look on her face. She didn't open the gate, but she lectured me in old-fashioned malay. I stood there, timid and volatile, and my head filled with a sorrowful mixtue or regret and embarrassment. I was too overwhelmed by stupefaction to actually listen to what she was blabbering about but I think it's something about 'no responsibility' and 'lack of compassion' or whatever. A little boy popped out behind the woman with a thumb in his mouth and a rubber duckie in the other hand. I eyed him as he squeaked it relentlessly, his mother just went on and on. After a few unfamiliar malay sayings, she took the wretched bag and I fled.

As I returned home, I didn't know what to feel or think. All I could remember was that stupid noise that marched through my head like a thousand armies. Or maybe a thousand... DUCKS.

Quack..... Quack...... Quack..... Quack...... Quack...... Quack..... T.T

I sat before my computer again, I can't say anything more to my friends. When mom and dad got home, I was still thinking about the last paragraph of my will. I stepped out of my room and told them I had something to say. But here's the part where it hurt the most: they already knew.

......

Days in life such as this one, would remain in my mind for a veeeery long time.. considering how much damage it caused. My insides are still shaky from the earlier visit, but at least I'm in the right mind to reflect. Mom and dad gave me a good tongue-lashing.. on the importance of responsibility... discipline.. initiative and other stuff.. Today wasn't exactly one of the happiest days of life but I guess it did teach me a lot. Face it Hyder, you're not perfect. Now that I've blogged, I feel so much better. There's only one problem left:

....I can't sleep now. T.T

Quackity Quack Quack

2008-03-20T23:09:00.004+08:00

QUACK QUACK!! QUACK QUACK QUUAAAAAAAAAACK!!! =.=

Quack quack quaack quack quack quack. Quack quaaack quack quack HauYan quack DunPing quack quack msn quack quack. Quack quack quackk 10.10pm?? Quack!! Quack quack 9.30pm quaaack quack quack 40 quackk quackk quack!! Quackk Quack!! Quack quack quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack! Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack!! T.T

Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack!!
Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quackk quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack! OMG Quack quack quack qquack quack quack quack quack quack!

Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack...

Quack quaack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.... Quack!!
T.T

101 Things I like.

2008-03-16T00:20:00.004+08:00

(In no particular order of likeness)
I like...

1)My brothers
2)To scream my heart out
3)Sweet victories
4)Black
5)Darkness
6)Decency
7)Being emo
8)My family
9)Emo Rock
10)Sheer thrill
11)Cute chicks
12)Loneliness
13)Zach
14)Luke
15)Serenity
16)Drawing
17)TenDays
18)Special Friendships
19)Blogging

20)Jeff Hardy
21)Fighting fears
22)Justice
23)Authority
24)Recognition
25)Coolness
26)Backstreet Boys
27)My cousins
28)Spicy chicken drumlets
29)Brunettes

30)Seeing life through lenses
31)Humour
32)Travelling
33)Bad shooters
34)Breathtaking views
35)High altitudes
36)Rain
37)My sista
38)Sea breeze
39)Auroras

40)Children
41)Finding answers to life's questions
42)Breakneck speeds
43)Patience
44)Faith
45)Survival
46)Reflections
47)Shadows
48)Disappearing
49)Emotive self-portraits
50)Hoobastank
51)Stars
52)Chasing dreams
53)Thrill rides
54)Doing somersaults
55)Civilisation
56)The Click Five
57)Someone's smile
58)Admirers
59)Making new pals

60)Flights
61)Dinosaurs
62)Heroes
63)Fantasy fiction
64)Peace
65)Fulfilled promises
66)Sharks
67)Everlasting friendships
68)Trust
69)Happy days to remember
70)Holograms
71)Being remembered
72)Random dreams
73)Superpowers
74)Role Playing games
75)Releasing emotions onto paper
76)Dragons
77)Being a daredevil
78)Boombastic words
79)Roller coasters

80)Ball lightning
81)Helping my loved ones
82)Lending a shoulder to cry on
83)Creating characters
84)Designing dream houses
85)My curly hair
86)Being mysterious
87)Smart chicks
88)Marshmallows
89)Gryphons
90)Jellybeans
91)Sunny lagoons
92)Constellations
93)Falcons
94)Bumper cars
95)Raptors
96)Jellyfish
97)Asteroids

98)Metamorphing

99)Making movies

100)War games

101)You. Coz ya just wasted five minutes reading things that make me smile. =)

Hypocrite

2008-03-13T22:48:00.001+08:00

Sorrow after sorrow after sorrow.

Usually what do you expect when you actually read this blog? Listen to me grieve and lament about how sucky my life is...? Well, it's entirely up to you coz that's what I'll be doing most of the time. I would bore even myself to death if I were to ramble on the pointless details of my life. This blog, shall I declare, is a medium for me to RELEASE all dark shades of the heart. I know I'll be better afterwards, and it has never failed me once.

Why don't people just get it right. If I need help, I'd ask for it. When I'm lost and uncertain, I turn stupid. Stupidity will define your 'care and concern' as just 'being nosy'. Yup, stupid is inevitable when you're Hyder. You're just born with an excellent brain but you don't really use it well. Don't help me, I'm born to live alone, and when I need help, I'll look for help.

This is for a great friend whom maybe I would have lost out of stupidity. Explaining this to you directly after the 'incident' wouldn't be wise so maybe you'll see after you cool off. Or maybe, after I cool off.

It's hectic and difficult times like these when blogging would never have felt better. Days just pass by, I've learnt to slightly endure the pressure. I struggle to keep my life balanced, trying hard to make a difference. I have to admit, I've changed a damn lot, and I'm just not being myself for quite some time. Pretty much a real idiot, hypocrite even? Yup, it's fine, I accept the nastiests labels, I've lost my rage and I don't really care. All I've been through seemed to have developed a lot of patience in me.

You say maybe I should like complain all this in my blog. So people would develop some pity for me? Yes, I do complain, I emo ridiculously all through my posts but people just don't know how much it really helps. You're not me, you don't know what I've been through.

I'm still trying to cope to all this, interllectually, emotionally, socially... and now even morally? I know I've never been the same, yup, a hypocrite as you described, it's about time I got something I deserved. On the quest to perfect life, I ruin it at the same time. I can't remember the time I last savoured happiness, let alone be the friend I should be. I'm at the crossroads where it's either languish or death.

Fine. I'll tell you what's up. My talent and love for drawing is going down the drain for certain religious reasons. I'm drifting further away from my family. I'm having doubts about my schoolfriend's trust. People are saying things about me I never could have imagined. There's huge pressure on me, my grades are falling. I'm subjected to consecutive twist of fates. My destiny is fading away.

Desperately living life, chasing hopeless dreams, sacrificing pleasures, fighting emotions, trying to stay in the family, and now, I have to lose friends? Is it my fault death seems so tempting when I have so many things to live for, like staying someone's friend. I know you too, your share of troubles, but PLEASE (if you really was concerned) understand what it's like to be in my shoes? I'm not faking this, it's pure reality and I'm not seeking your pity, just your forgiveness.

If fate forbids you from forgiving me, then I will not regret coz I tried. I could have just let it go, but I still try. I've done a lot of things I've never really been proud of, but time always heals the wounds. You are, and always have been, one of the greatest friends of my life, so you'd leave a deep scar. You know you still have something that belongs to me, and that's one of my treasured works, called 'ZeoLand'. That's your 'name' would you please return me what's rightfully mine. Or I'll grow up with the thought that you stole it from me. If you've lost it, then I'll look for it myself when the End comes.

Goodbye, for now.

Forever

2008-02-22T23:49:00.008+08:00

Yes, common tests are over but it hardly meant anything to me. Pressure after pressure, misery after misery.

Love - The root of all evils.

Why am I not surprised.

All this time maybe you didn't know it but I've been trying my best not to cross the line between love and friendship. We've been through so much, girl, how could you think for one that I will replace someone as special like you. Whatever shit I had as my reason for my words, you know now. I've told you.

Yes, I have been jealous, but I kept it in. You're too sweet to get angry with.

Yes, I have been depressed, but I kept it in. You're too cheerful to upset.

Yes, I have been in love with you, but once again, I kept it in. You're too treasured to lose now.

You know DAMN well I'll never leave you. I'll always apologize, I'll always be there for you. I still try my best to help you even when you never listen to me. I still come crawling back to you even when you tried to murder me with your words... your actions... your emotions...

So why should this happen now. We've been thru more bad times than good, but our faith in each other picks us up. Thats what makes US so special. Maybe we're inseparable, or maybe I was destined to leave you at the first sign of rejection. But I didn't.

" Life's so great when you're not in my mind. "

That's true. I think so about you too. But no matter how contented I am with what I have, I will always look back and see that, life's incomplete without you. Yes the puzzle's almost done, it look's stunning now, but there's still a piece left. And that's you. Don't you get it?

You're part of me, you shaped me to what I am today. You made me understand true love, eternal friendship, blissful happiness, wonders of life, shadows of regret, shining rays of hope, glowing talents, ruthless misery, bleeding heartbreaks, pounding hardship, flares of envy, and a blazing passion to pull through and live another day.

I'm so glad I have the patience to carry on.

I don't give up.

But all that I have to give right now is....

that's right, ..

..CINTA.

*sebisa mungkin, tak akan pernah, sayangku akan hilang*

Devastation

2008-02-14T22:39:00.002+08:00

7 am - 2.30pm -- Everyday school lessons

2.30pm - 5.00pm -- Remedial + CCA

7 pm - 9.30pm -- Night classes

10.00pm - 1am++ -- Homework and daily revision

12/2/07
The teachers of 4e1 had a meeting yesterday and they talked about how 4e1's progress hadn't met up to the principal's standards and how much pressure we're under now. The teachers pity us. Pity. That'll save us from our sorrows. Okay, well I have to credit the teachers, they're really trying their best to nurture us to our fullest potential. It's all up to us now. But the real question is, if we're working so damn hard everyday, why aren't we moving forward?

No, wait a second, why aren't I moving forward?

Would I call myself a failure? No matter how hard I seem to try.. I'm standing still. How many nights have I spent walking alone under the streetlights, avoiding the gaze of passerbys, and enduring the dagger stares of misery in my heart?

My rage is growing.

14/2/08
Love in the air. Maybe for you there is but I feel nothing. THANK YOU SO MUCH to u gals for ur gifts (yea luv ya too). It could just be the most special day for some, to me it was different. I've never felt so much pressure before ever. When I got home I collapsed and may have shed away some of that migraine, but suddenly I felt a surge of depression inside me.

SHIT. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH SLEEP. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH TIME. AND I WILL ALWAYS NEVER HAVE ENOUGH INFORMATION JAMMED INTO MY BRAIN. I can't even think straight anymore. I don't know where I'm going.

I found myself once again walking back home from night classes. As the cars zoom past the road, I wondered how it felt to stand in the path of an oncoming truck. As I walked under the void deck, I wondered how it felt to have a flower pot falling 24-storeys and crushing my skull. If I just die now, would I be relieved or regretful? Would I ever be free?

My future's bleak. Awfully bleak.

It's Valentines and the moon's only half-full. If the moon was full tonight, I would transform into a werewolf and unless someone shoots me till I'm dead, I would devour every living soul on Earth..

...and that includes you.

.......

Paparazzis

2008-02-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

Doesn't this picture just make ya dreamy? Sorry I just cant help it im runnin outta pics..

Heyyerrs..

Ever get the feelin you're being watched? For a kid like me, paranoia is inevitable. Lols, I always get the feeling someone's watching me or even someone talking behind my back. Often I'd look over my shoulder only to fill my heart with unease. In most occasions, usually these bad vibes could turn out to be true..

Well for the first time EVER, these 'senses' actually turned out differently. It was at the library, I was wearing my sweater which was on me the whole day, and I was with John and Oliver. Everything seemed normal until I had this gut feelin im being watched again. I turned around and from quite a distance, a camera phone peering over the wall ducked instantly at my sight. ==

Okay, so I fixed my eyes there and a pair of eyes and a ponytail pretended to look somewhere else. That totally cracked me up. Moments later, there ~they~ go again, peering from between bookshelves hoping to get an emo captured on camera.

It was just a pair of sec 1 girls. I met them up close later. One asked me to 'date' the other whom she calls 'chio and retarded' while the pounded each other continuously. God, it was hilarious.

I'll give them my number tomorrow, and maybe I'll get mandarin oranges in return..

Y'know I've been in this situation for a few times but I've never really know how to handle em. Usually I'd just put on a shy smile and be happy I'm noticed. But hey, paparazzis like me do get paparazzis too! (if u know what i mean)

I'll talk more on this when I have the chance. Life is exciting, it's never gotten better. We only have a few more days before we're moving out of the NIGHT STUDY ROOM!! Back to the home room system, and worse part is, NO MORE 18degrees frostbites!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Hah~
Happy chinese new year to YOU~!

~HYD
~hyder_blazeshadow835@hotmail.com~

Bedbugs

2008-02-01T17:32:00.000+08:00

Yoyoyo...

Latest updates:

31 Jan 08
Dad sent me to school that morning and was that when I noticed there was something peculiar about my face. Just when I thought my hair looked bad enough, I noticed something much worse when I got to school. Jumping out of the car, I dropped my bag and hurried to the toilet and I saw the most ugliest bump on my right eyelid. OMG, I looked liked I just had eye cancer or somethin and it reminded me of quasimodo. Bullshit, how the hell am I gonna get this thing me, I'm a monster. Its like half my eyelid had inflated and it covered the tip of my eye.

Yeah my pals said it was swollen and I could do nothin about it. I constantly had to cover my eye coz I look hideous. So I endured the first half of the day and I escaped my facing S.Cheong and she said it looked 'very bad and you seriously need a doctor.' I had my parents fetch me to the clinic. Doctor was right, it was the bug bite. Damn you bug.

Well, at least I manage to survive without hardly anyone seeing it, but I guess I had to surrender to my friends whom I used as shields from the crowd. Lol, 3/4 of the class didn't even know why the hell I left.

Well the great part came later, I skipped tuition coz mom and dad returned home with a new laptop( I didnt expect it) I helped set up our new Vista (and im using it now) yay i have a vistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... WOOOOOOO~

still i wont be using the comp much. My life was more meaningful without the comp. I won't blog much but I;ll keep updating.

Haaaa haaa~ tag me ritez?
You're cool.

Absence

2008-01-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

Heys

Just recently my computer broke down and I probably have to go get a new power supply. right now at my grandma's so i guess i should take the opportunity to blog.
So I'll probably wont be blogging much soon at least until i get things fixed. In the meantime I'll go bury myself in books..

My blog's not dead yet okays.

Okay I've just updated my study timings and inflated it. Tuition on tues, wed, thurs, twice on saturday and also sunday. Why does it feel like I'm not having enough? Hmm.. somehow without the influence of blogging and msn, revision ain't that bad after all huh.. *Hyder has gone nuts*

Temporarily I won't be able to chat with loong and sis on msn but I'm always reachable by sms. Bizarrely, this doesnt seem to affect me much... coz n the end the bottom line is ya can't have too much of a good thing. lols...~

(But if you think I'm a good thing, I'll be happy to give you more than you deserve..)
Hehehehehehehehehehehehee.... XD

Look here and you're so damn awesome. :)))
See ya sooooon.

~Hyd

The sky is blue -.-

2008-01-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

Thanks to zinger I couldn't resist doing the quiz she sent me. Hehehehee... -.- okays

List the top five presents you want for your birthday"
Go check my wishlist it's on the column on the left. -.-

Answer the following questions:

Your relationship with her is:
I'm still trying to figure that out.

Your impression of her:
She is so damn COOL. I never regretted being her fan. XP

The most memorable thing she did for you:
Bump into her so that some of her coolness would rub on to me. So freakin honoured.

If she becomes your lover, you will:
Pretend to be surprised. (LLLLLLOLLLLLL)

If she becomes your lover, what does she need to improve on:
Um, staying that way? (sheesh why are u asking me this crap I hardly know her)

If she becomes your enemy, you will:
I'm too afraid to think of the consequences O.O

Your overall impression of her:
I told you she is so DAMN cool. Can't you get that in your head? Sheesh.

How do you think the people around her think about her:
So freakin cool?

The character you love about yourself:
I'm so hot. (-.- @#$%^&*!!!!!)

On the contrary, the character which you hate about yourself is:
Being a helpless and LAME emo and letting others control my emotions

The most ideal person you wanna be:
Some smart guy you see on the news most of the time.

For people who care and like you, say something to them?
Aw, shucks, I'm blushing here. Oh stop it you're too kind. (....-.-'''''''')

Pass this quiz to 10 persons in random order whom you wish to know how they feel about you:
[ Note: As you can clearly see numbers 2 to 10 are girls. Reason: I DON'T WANNA ASK GUYS WHAT THEY'D DO IF I BECOME THEIR LOVER. Oh well. Zach can always skip the questions. ==]
1) Zach
2) Zinger
3) Ummi
4) HauYan (Now you have 2)
5) Shirley (Now you have 2 as well)
6) Sista
7) Nasha
8) Joanne
9) Mubaraka
10) Ummi

Hyd~

Ball of Lightning

2008-01-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

Sorry I kinda got distracted during studying last night coz my camera looked so IRRESISTIBLE. Yeah, I study in the dark coz I share my room with bro. I usually sleep 2 hours after him due to late night work. And, no, there is no one behind me. (I think... O.O)

Hmmm....

I took this video just 2 hours ago. Mom called me to the balcony and pointed to a tiny twinkly dot in the sky. She told me at first she THOUGHT it was a star, but then she asked me what I thought it was. I got the camera and filmed it.

What do YOU think it is? A UFO? A ball of lightning in the sky? Some space phenomena in outer space? Ongoing supernova? Or a sign of Doomsday O.O ? Lol. Yeah, I guess those were really unlikely. Sorry to spoil your suspense but I figured it was probably some satellite launched recently after I discovered a trail of smoke ( like the ones jets would leave ) nearby. The twinkly thingy seems to be moving but I doubt it would be some sort of aircraft or worse, a UFO. Well, you never know. Anything's possible.

Speaking of possibilities, the chances of me aceing the upcoming CT1 would probably be really low coz I haven't really got down to ruthless revision. Homework's just been piling up and the drive to study just ain't there. I hope I keep up soon, the Days of Destiny aren't really that far away.

So have you seen me and my file at school?

I was planning to put 'Look here and you're a gorrilla' but I figured that would be really discouraging when I open my file every lesson. -.- So maybe this would give an impression of my darker side. One word sums it all I guess. At least it was better than the previous message which had 3 letters of blood on it : 'E-M-O'. That drove a few onlookers away, but I'd be really dumb anyway, considering how much attention I reel in these days.. Maybe I should change the message on my file every week. Too bad I can't think of any.

Hey, gotta catch up on sleep. Don't fret if I don't update nowadays. Life is like a racing track, can't afford to fall behind.

Stay cool. :)

Repentance

2008-01-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

10/1/08

I will remember this day for the rest of my life

For I have cried the most amount of remorseful tears

screamed in utter despair

yelled bitterly for forgiveness

and prayed solemnly in lamentation

Self-condemnation never felt so bitter

My anguish never felt so sour

For my deepest, darkest secret has been known.

I'm sorry, mother.

I know that you are really heartbroken but at the same time,

you feel my sorrow and you're willing to forgive me,

but I will not accept it.

I have disappointed you, and

I will make it up to you as much as I can.

For I don't deserve to be your son

if I'm not able to prove myself to you.

God forgive me,

I will endure the retribution You will place upon me

I've realized my wrongdoings and I will continue to pray for Your forgiveness

for as long as I live.

It would take a few words to declare my repentance

But it would take a miracle for me to ever smile again

Emos R Us

2008-01-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

Ecstasy - Desire - Vengeance- Despair=) Your Darkest Fear

I'm Watching You

Just to edit this post a bit, wanna say somethin. What's with the girls at school? Why'd u guys keep lookin at me and then giggle giggle like retarded clowns? What's up with me HUH? What about me makes me so fricken funny?! My mee maggie hair? My googgly eyes?? My sexy poise? O.O (okay leave out the last one :P) One thing's for sure, you smile at me, I'll smile back. I'm not THAT heartless.

Oh well. Who cares about how I look. At least my brain's in top shape. Thanks sista for cheerin me up, sometimes u dont realize how much happiness u bring in just simple smses. And YOU, stay cool and keep tagging. My blog's a junk heap without u guys.

See yahs.

Hyder's Prime Time Recovery

2008-01-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

Im sick of your fake promises
Im sick of hearing we'd last forever.
Im sick of u pretending to listen
when deep inside you're like 'whatever'
Im sick of seeing you each day
Im sick of thinkin what to say
Im sick of tryin to help u out
when you dont give a fuck about me anyway
Im sick of you dickheads betraying me
Im sick of you bitches using me
Im sick of knowing I'll never be free
from this animosity between you and me

Im sick of living life each day

knowing fate would never go my way

no matter how hard I hope or pray

the sky's still dark, the clouds are gray

Im sick of knowing Im still a shmuck

that I've been there when lightning struck

if cursed relationships are just my luck,

and no one helps me when I'm stuck

dammit I must really suck

But it took me awhile to understand

that things will never go as planned

if you run away to no man's land

and hide youself under the sand

Im sick of making wrong choices all the time

and when life is like a nursery rhyme

It's the final year and I heard the chime

that now im finally in my prime

NO MORE NONSENSE

NO MORE GAMES

NO MORE GRADES THAT BURN IN FLAMES

NO MORE KLUTZ

NO MORE SHMUTZ

NO MORE GIRLS THAT DRIVE YOU NUTS

NO MORE BUTS AND NO MORE CUTS

ITS ALL GUTS AND KICKING BUTTS

I now know who my real friends are

I now know how I got this far

Im not sick and my heart won't crack

Im not sick so I won't slack

Im not sick of my wardrobe -black

Im not sick but I deserve a smack

Oh crud,

the fricken emo's back.

Jakarta Trip 07

2007-12-18T14:48:00.000+08:00

Heys~

I'm back for about 9 days in Jakarta. It was one of the best trips of all coz I finally get to meet all my long lost relatives there. It's a rather complicated family tree, so I'll just skip to the good parts and move on to the highlights. (Btw, for the first time, I DID NOT bring my vidcam on holiday, so I had to borrow my cousin's. No vids, not right now. So instead of a 90 min clip, i took 400 photos.)

1) Family bonding
Things were off to a great start. Uncles we've never met before came brought us to the hotel and later took us to the family so-called 'mansion' hahaha. It was a great reception, I was introduced to all the grannies here and also the younger cousins. You know their lives aren't that great, but they're really awesome people. It was like 60+ of long lost relatives and only 9 of us singaporeans. Woohoo, we were like celebrities hahaha.. My cousins are the greatest, theyre so freakin cute cute cute, we jump around in circles in the house and scream at otheres ears. -.- HAHAHAH!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! The older ones (chicks) were really 'lovely' hahah!! Why'd we HAVE TO LEAVE ??????? (My cousins are in the pics of the previous posts)

2)Safari
We went at a safari trip! Driving around the vicinity looking at all the animals. There was a llama who blocked the road for about 6 mins (he's hungry), and there was a orangutan was so rotund he couldnt move, and there was a lion who just couldnt take his eyes of us. If only singapore had this kinda thing, to bad we only have it after dusk.

3)Dunia Fantasi
Directly translated, its 'Fantasy World'. Yeah, a theme park. Unfortunately I only took 3 pitiful rides, but at least they were the good ones. Reason: The park is filled up to its brim. The recent discount kept the folks coming in like waves, the queues are packed!! Worse part is, I DIDNT GET TO RIDE THE STINKIN ( actually awesome loop the loop twirly whirly )ROLLER COASTER. DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. But at least I got to ride the 3D simulator, the only ride my dad queued up for was called 'Please flush before you leave'. XD

4) Reptiles
We visited a reptile farm..I patted my new pet python and kicked the tail of the Komodo lots times. He didn't seem to mind, must've had too much breakfast. The Komodo was fed only once a week but he eats 9 chickens in one go. Finger lickin good eh?

5) Sea World
It's mainly just a typical aquarium and underwater world. But I got a few nice shots of the giant stingray. The divers have cut its deadly tail off so it would'nt kill another Steve Irwin.

6)Chicks
Y'know I can't believe I'm actually blogging about this. Oh well. Being the kaypo king that I am, i've noticed some things about the chicks at theme parks: The hot ones have boyfriends, the really hot ones are married, the really really hot ones only like other gals (ew), and the really really really hot ones are only found on tv. This hurts me soooooooooooooo bad. Chick-hunting won't be the same again. Oh well, but there's still a handful out there....................

7) Angels
Haha. Did you know I saw an angel at the hotel. She was so pretty, she was singing on the stage at the lobby. All the idiots at the cafe were watching her intently. When I was starting to notice her, I took out the camera and I took a shot. If only I had my vid, so I borrowed my cousin's. I got her on tape when suddenly she noticed me and then its as if she was singing to me. HAHAHA. My cousin said 'oi enough la' and I took advantage. I pretended as if she was REALLY singing to me, placing my hand on my chest and sighing. Dude, she giggled on stage. And then I flir-... okay never mind. Too bad I didn't go and say hello or something, or else I would have dated an angel. OH MY CRUD I AM STILL A SHY TURTLE. *Haix*

8)Shopping
This really doesn't concern me. I know MOST people would shop till they drop, not me. I'm just an idiot who carries the shopping bags and pray hard this whole disaster is over. I'm not really a shopaholic so I had to literally 'survive' malls. I don't get my own money to spend, I don't get the freedom to roam around, and I wait outside the shops while my parents spend 2-3 hrs to buy things to give relatives (which will probably end up in some back closet anyway). The worse part is, there are NO chicks. Talk about a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD day. Oh well, I bought my new shades here anw..

That's about it. I wished I didn't have to come back to this stupid reality.. oh well, here's tworeaally cool pics I took to end the long post. I'm going back to my sour life. Sweet dreams..

If Only It Lasted A Little Longer...

2007-12-17T19:42:00.000+08:00

"Inconsolable"

~Backstreet Boys~

I close the door
Like so many times, so many times before
Filmed like a scene on the cutting room floor
I wanna let you walk away tonight without a word

I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling
OOoh, if you were here right now,
I swear I'd tell you this

[Chorus:]
Baby I don't wanna waste another day
Keepin it inside, it's killing me
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

I climb the walls, yeah
I can see the edge,
But I can't take the fall, no
I've memorized the number
So why can't I make the call
Maybe cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility

Baby I don't wanna waste another day
Keepin it inside, it's killing me
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

No, no, no

I don't wanna be like this
I just wanna let you know
That everything I hold in
Is everything I can't let go (oooh, can't let go)

Cause BABYYYYY

Baby I don't wanna waste another day
Keepin it inside, it's killing me
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

Don't you know it baby
I don't wanna waste another day
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oooh, I'm inconsolable
Whoaa yeah
I'm inconsolable

For the special ones in Jakarta, for the special one right here in S'pore

love you guys...

Amidst the Stars

2007-12-06T19:06:00.000+08:00

BERSAMA BINTANG

senja kini berganti malam
menutup hati yang lelah
dimanakah engkau berada
aku tak tau dimana

pernah kita lalui semua
jerit, tangis, canda tawa
kini hanya untaian kata
hanya itulah yang aku punya

tidurlah... selamat malam
lupakan sajalah aku
mimpilah... dalam tidurmu
bersama bintang

sesungguhnya aku tak bisa
jalani waktu tanpamu
perpisahan bukanlah duka
meski harus menyisakan luka

lupakan diriku... lupakan aku
mimpilah dalam tidurmu bersama bintang

************

For only me, myself and I

Being emo means to escape the wrath of reality for a moment,

Being true to yourself is just coming back to face it.

It doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter what I see.

The only thing that matters is what I do to change what I am now.

Just close your eyes, goodnight

and forget my life of past scars

May you dream sweetly

in your sleep

amidst the stars

Frostbite

2007-12-05T21:09:00.000+08:00

The clouds rolled in..

The frosty showers of the morning pelted my umbrella as I hurried to school. I made my way up to the library, and wondered about the peculiarity of these temperatures.

When I set off for home at noon, as the rain grew more intense and as freezing as ever, I thought of the occasional blizzards of the Arctic. I shivered under the icy chills in the air-con bus.. piercing through my skin. There was just me, the blissful tunes of the music in my ears, and the numbing frostbite of the afternoon rain.

Damn.
Can the temperatures here get any lower?

Fever? Maybe. But today was exceptionally cold outside. (You thought so, lol) I just finished doing the video project for school-digital-media-awards.. been really busy, but now it's done. I felt really weird today. I wanted to sleep in but I my eyes won't shut, I'm getting an awful cold, my hiccups won't go away, and my heartbeat's off the charts.

...and my heart felt as freezing cold as the weather.

I'm freezing over..
..freeze..
..freeeze..
..freeeeeze..

*crack*

The bittersweet fairytale ending

2007-12-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

27/5/2007 -2/12/2007 (earlier, actually)

Okay well...

The bad shooter has finally found a new target to miss...

Now all uncertainty has been cleared, I do not have anything else to worry about.

Maybe some hours wasted.. maybe some scars left

sour, maybe some questions left unanswered..

So I guess it's all over now. I guess all I have to do now is bury those memories and throw away some old pictures..

I just can't believe I waited so long just for this day. I can't believe all the suffering has finally ended. But what if I could have did this earlier.. I wonder what would it be like.

Maybe a bit more painful.. who knows. If I had'nt gone through all that mumbo jumbo drama mama emo moments... I might have been dead in shock right now.

I've reached the crossroads again.

Should I dwell in this corner of darkness and ponder over if I had taken the wrong path?

Should I carry on moving straight and recover slowly and painfully from this ordeal?

Or should I just forget all the emo left in me and look over what's at the end of the rainbow..

Damned. What the crap is wrong with me. I'm aggravating the pain by bringing out all the darker side of things. Why can't I just stay happy? Why can't I just let it all go? Why can't I just let her live her life the way she wants? Oh wait..

What do I need to prove anyway?

I'll pick myself up for the end is not over yet. I can't let all this fun in the world run out before Death comes knocking on my door. Places to see, people to meet. After all, as fate has been written..

..there's one still out there. The one that I'm bound to meet one day. The one that I can finally declare my feelings to.

The one..

....that's looking for me too.

:) Cheer up hyde. You'll do just fine.

Oh well,

I'll see you on the flipside.

Imprisoned emotions..

2007-12-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

I live through my dark existence
only to bask in your beauty
your eyes that shine like sapphires
your smile that brightens even my

sad, uncertain

and darkest moments

I envy the wind that runs through your hair
that touches your lips
I long to touch you
to hold you in my arms but I cannot
for your heart,

belongs

to another...

so, I can only love you from afar
your friendship means more to me
than anything this world provides
but like an angel you touched my heart
in a way that I've never felt before
cause I've never known what love is until this day
I know that we are only friends
but my heart wishes it to be more

so I will still hope and dream
that one day I can

hold you in my arms and say....

...I love you?

Best pals for eternity

2007-11-26T19:43:00.000+08:00

To..

..my utmost closest cousin

..the striving top gun of the family

..and the best friend one could ever have

Maybe we can read other's minds but what the hell,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

ZACH

Hear Me Scream

2007-11-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

Listen up, turn it up and rock it out
party on, I wanna hear you scream and shout
this is real, as real as it gets
I came to get down to get some f*cking respect
taking it back to hardcore level
you better be ready, put your pedal to the metal
taking it back to hardcore level
you better be ready, put your pedal to the metal.

Go!

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

I want domination
I want your submission
I see you’re not resisting
To this temptation
I’ve got one confession
A love deprivation
I’ve got a jet black heart
It’s all f*cked up and it’s falling apart

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

I’ve got another confession
I fell to temptation

And there is no question
There was some connection
I’ve got to follow my heart
No matter how far
I’ve gotta roll the dice
Never look back and never think twice

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

Take your past and burn it up and let it go
Carry on; I’m stronger than you’ll ever know
That’s the deal; you get no respect
You’re gonna get yours
You better watch your f*ckin neck

Take your past and burn it up and let it go
Carry on; I’m stronger than you’ll ever know
That’s the deal; you get no respect
You’re gonna get yours
You better watch your f*ckin neck

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in

And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

Hyder's remedy for frustration

2007-11-16T19:21:00.000+08:00

Hyder’s personal remedy for heartbreaks, despair and frustration.

1. Loud rock music - Simply by tuning up the volume for vengeful heavy metal or emo rock, this reduces the amount of hatred stored in my heart. Oh yeah, my ears get the hang of it too. Rating: *****

2. Video games - It never hurts to waste time playing your heart out at action games. The terrifying roaring of the guns, the murderous sounds of punching and slashing, the helpless wails of your enemies.. all part of virtual violence. Plus, taking your anger all out on the idiots on the screen, never hurts anyone, does it? Rating: ****

3. Rock star imitation - This one's a lil PRIVATE. You just plug in your amps and unleash the mindless rocker in you. That's all I can say. Rating: *****

4. Prayers - Seriously I find this very calming and effective. Dunno about you guys though.. Rating: ***

5. Sleep - Though I find this amazingly useless, it relieves you of pain for hours anyway. Rating: **

6. Watching wrestling - I like this one, but then again, it relieves your stress only for a moment. But I think after this you'd feel more vengeful than ever O.o Rating: **

7. Drawing gory pictures - I don't do this as much as I used to, so I forgot how much it helped. Here's an example at the bottom of the post. But then again, if you can't draw, you can always rip the blank paper to shreds. Rating: ***

8. The extensive use of the words 'RAWR', 'CRUD' and 'DAMMIT' - Erm, yeah, I'm nuts, well I still don't know why I do this. Though actually, saying these just makes me wanna curse someone. Rating: *

9. Let the anger build up inside as you emo around, venting your anger on everything in the house - This method sucks. -.- Don't. You'll end up slashing yourself anyway. Rating: -*
( eh ..why is this in the list anyway )

10. BLOG IT - The most helpful and effective method of all. Self explanatory. Rating: ******

Hey. I know some of you are pissed about me rambling on about how life sucks with crazed metaphors and lame language. It's just the way I relieve this hellbent pain. My emotions can change within a blink of an eye, and when it does, I go way extreme. See number 10? Please don't think I'm this psycho dude who can't decide what to think about. I'm not okay, and sometimes my feelings are over-exaggerated on the blog. You get what I mean?

I dunno but I feel sucky now. Sometimes happiness comes in a form of an SMS.. or just a friend to tell you that there's someone who would listen to you. But when you don't have both, I guess you gotta accept your fate and learn to find happiness on your own.

..It's this uncertainty that's killing me....

..Dammit.

The number you just dialled is currently unavailable

2007-11-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

Agghh CRUD. I smashed the keyboard again and i'm using a spare. This happened before right? So, here I am only a quarter hour to 1am feeling all frustrated inside. My mind keeps drawing me triangles and now I'm seeing them everywhere. Maybe it's because I'm stuck at the sour edge an unexpected love triangle. There must be some mistake....

I should stop jumping to conclusions and stop being so immature. *.*

Why do I always think I'm on the receiving end of HEAVEN's helpline but HELL hangs up on me anyway?? And everytime I dial the number I get no reception.

-.- *haix*

My feelings are tearing me apart. All these words are full of uncertainty. Im not sure. Im never sure.

And if I dont find the answers I need..

...I'll rot away...

*beep beep beep beep beep beep beep....

It's amazing how a person can just change my emotions with just a snap of fingers. It's incredible how much impact the person has in my heart..

My shadow makes a fashion statement

2007-11-14T18:10:00.000+08:00

Silhouettes just rock don't they? XDDDDDDDDDD

Woo..check me out. XDDDDDDD

Awright.
Heya...

How u guys doin lately? How come no one tags? More posts equals more tags? Anyway, i bet u guys having great start to the holidays. Goin out everyday, goin on parties, goin on barbeques, goin on dates, goin on cruises, goin on vacations, goin on alien abductions, goin on hikes, goin on nightwalks, goin on space exploration, goin on coral reef fishing, goin on skydives.. whatever.

Lucky me. I just sit at home waiting for the sky to fall. It neither rocks, nor sucks. I regret yesterday, wasted today, yet fear tomorrow. Dammit. Someone grow me a beanstalk.

Yesterday was so weird. I found out one of my pals had a crush on me. Somehow it didn't surprise me, but it aint gonna affect me anyway. Hey, I'm still your wonderful wonderful nonsensical friend, no more no less, live with it :) Who is it? Um, you wouldnt believe me if i told you...

So..
After a week of pointlessly doing nothing, my brain has turned into a void. I can now no longer remember how to solve math problems, cook up chemical equations and understand simple laws of physics. Problem? Uhh i think it is. -.-'

I better get to work on my holiday crap, but i somehow fear something. Somethin's tellin me to just sit back and relax. It's tellin me I should break off from the world of academics. Tellin me to... slack...... slack........ slaaaaack..

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

......
4E1 dammit. Life is so miserable, yet rewarding. I contradict myself and I don't know why.
Well, tag me lots okay (and i dont mean spam). Misery, keep an eye out for critics. Code: 876 553 23AL. Weird name huh?

Well i guess my work awaits. I need to reboot. See yahs! :)))))))))))))))))))
Oh, and thanks for coming.

~Hydhydhydhydhydhydhydhydhydhyd

*y'know, being further away from you just makes me miss ya more. ;)

sCrEw tHiS.....

2007-11-09T22:53:00.001+08:00

Stupid day. Stupid boring day.
Stupid boring, wasted day.

Today sucks. Practically nothing happened. Nothing. No thrills, no spills, no chills, no frills, NOTHING. NOTHING, DAMMIT.

I'd never felt so bloody bored in my entire life. And I actually got no mood to touch on schoolwork. I stayed in the whole day, doing nothing. Okay, well I went for prayer at noon and then I watched my bro play GetAmped for a few hours. I played the ps with my bros then I felt lethargic. Then I did nothing. I dont know how the hell time passed so fast. No progress, a day wasted.

I just tried talking to her. Maybe it'd cheered me up. But it just made me feel more gloomy than ever. Its not your fault, its me. No one would talk to me coz I'm a deranged fool. And now I'm stuck at home with about 2 months of

...working on a new neverending fiction
...making my own cardgame
...talking pointless crap with unworthy souls on the internet

...doing piles and piles of homework

...mugging like there's no tomorrow
...going back to school for some media competition
...being a couch potato watching wrestling

Oh come on. Someone just get our ass down from your sick planet and just take me with you.

This
Is
Sick.

.......emo.....emo.....emo.....emo.........

top of the world

2007-11-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

TEN DAYS!!!!

The future 4E1..
a bright future ahead huh?

warming up

HEY HEY HEY

I'm Hyder. Welcome to my same-old-same-old blog. -.-
....
What's my name? Hyder. -.-
....
okay.

Haix, what a day. It's 7/11, the last day of school for us sec 3e1-ians. A week and a half of prep classes, phew! And we just had our physics SPA (science practical exam, no massages) before we ended the day. And ho ho was the morning so freakishly enjoyable. Everyone was so extra-high today, like we had steroids for breakfast.

Y'know, for the first class in 3e1, we aint that nerdy nor geeky but we're not on the rough edge either. We're somewhere in the middle, but above all the rest. And that just rocks.

3E1 guys love to yap tons of the most nonsensical crap, joke with the teachers and bullying sharil. Hahah. The girls? They just contribute 95% of our noise level. HAHAHA!! :P My class is just full of fun and humour(crappy), we never fail to make each other laugh.

And we're the most ENTERPRISING, LAME, JOYOUS, NOISIEST, BRAINIEST, PUNCTUAL class in sec 3 express. XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

HAHAHAHAH!! yeah i know it rocks, please dont envy us. But we're kinda arrogant and we're not that tight, and we tend to face the heaviest load of homework. Yeah. -.-

Why am I tellin u this? Coz I never once thought I wud love my class so much as I do now. And I feel so honoured to be among the best bunch in the school. Now that school has ended, we'll all realize and appreciate our sense of belonging to the class, like me LOL. We're sky rocketing to 4e1 in 2008, and together, we'll soar the highest skies!!!!!!

4E1 4ever.

:)

This post is beserk

2007-10-29T19:10:00.001+08:00

YEAHH.....

Why are the days at school so freakin fun? Like wow man, school NEVER FAILS to bring happiness to this kooky EMO little head of mine. I know i cant drop the emo outer shell but i've been ridiculously UN-emo these past few days.
BUT, I AM POSITIVELY, CONFIDENTLY, ABSOLUTELY, AFFIRMATIVELY, IRREFUTABLY, UNDENIABLY, *gasp* , UNAMBIGUOUSLY, INCONTROVERTIBLY SURE,
that it is because I have so many awesome friends.....ten days woohoo~

Somehow, this has sparked me to be a little more outspoken and positive about going to school, even though school is practically over -.-

Oh well, with one more week of prepatory classes, I'm sure I'll be happy. Life has somewhat gotten better after hari raya :D well how about that..

Anyway, today was rather fun, with everyone using the word of the day which is '*u*' Rather explicit word but i guess thats normal with the contaminated and sick minds of the ten days guys. -.-'' Me? Ask me nothing please.

Today the five tendays guys (john,oli,wj, cw and me) went to BK to spend our vouchers (for our oober cool cme project [video] XD) and the girls went to KFC. lol. We kept choking on our french fries everytime we came up with new 'ideas'. =.= ''' It was hilarious.

But today was odd. When i was done changing, I noticed my e maths worksheet on the floor. It looked at me with its melancholy tear-filled eyes. I picked it up out of pity. -.-' I somehow had the guts to sit down, plug in my music player and suddenly I started working down the e math sums. When I was done, I turned around and my add math homework was prancing around in a grass skirt. -.-' Unamused, I grabbed it and whizzed thru the questions.

Okay so maybe Hyder is a bit loco when it comes to homework but today I did somethign I really had'nt done before. I studied for 4 hours straight without taking a damned break. (ok maybe i took 1 break for prayer but that doesnt count) Crap man..

WHAT IS THIS ASTOUNDING SHEER ENERGY OF MOTIVATION RUNNING THRU MY BRAIN. LEFT BRAIN IS ABSORBING PHYSICS TERMS LIKE A SPONGE, WHILE THE RIGHT IS SOOTHING THE SOUL WITH THE TUNES ON MY CELLPHONE.

~~~~~~~~~waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh~~~This rocks man.
I'M SO PSYCHED UP FOR SEC 4. TIME TO SHIFT IN TO HIGHER GEAR.

I sense a whole new beginning. Watch me soar the highest skies and I'll see you at the top.

...someone slap me...

XDDDDDDDDDDDD

2007-10-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

The boys always conquer a bedroom in grandma's house.. haha
:D
This is MY gang. Hahaha..
My room!!

Family.

What more could you possibly want? With my cousins, there are no such thing as betrayals, rejections or heartbreaks. Everyone just gets along naturally as there's no point in fate that could tear us apart.

This Hari Raya, my cousin Ayyub and his family visited us from Australia, to celebrate Hari Raya with everyone else. He's the one in the far right guy in the third and fourth pic. Its so awesome getting to meet him again after i visited him in Sydney 5 years ago. Almost everyone in our family ( 50 members! ) reunite every year at this time, but since my cuz's family is in Australia, we'd always have short of one family.. :p

Yesterday was a blast. Gathering at MY place and everyone showed up. See the last pic? That's my room! Everyone else in the pics are my cousins (except my two bros of course ). Yeah we couldnt fit everyone into my room hahah.. The girls were busy taking loads of pics while the noisy young ones turned my decker bed into a pirate ship. xD haha! It was so damn fun..

Well hear this. Nothing. I repeat, nothing, can ever make me happier than being with my cousins. My aunts, uncles, my parents, siblings, cousins.. they all appreciate me so much and I am so damned lucky to be a part of this fun-loving, hilarious family!

I've never been so happy in my life.

Hari Raya aint over yet.. WOO HOO..

See yahs!

Sudden outburst of jubilance

2007-10-18T00:04:00.001+08:00

..........

YAAAAA

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy now. Yet a pity it would'nt last forever.

Aftermath (Get it?)

2007-10-09T14:44:00.000+08:00

Hoo yeah.

What a spectacular battle...

Add Maths so exploding with challenges and I was like damn..

Thank God the written exams are over... ( Oral? What? )

Final battle's always the most difficult. And it was.

I suvived it anyway.

But the results of my victory awaits..

If I don't get an A for this I'm so gonna crack my head.

Not even a B, banned from computer.

C?! I'll flush myself down the toilet and just STAY there.

Failure?

I can't think of anything worse than death.

LOL..

( see the picture above, that's me down there awaiting the arrival of my foe)

Hehehehehe..

Well finally I can have the freedom to DRAW, BLOG, WRITE and PLAYYYYY..

and also catch up on sleep.

No doubt I'm still gonna study. :P

And i hope i get to meet my old friends soon.

Oh, and YAY!!!

I've completed the TEN DAYS BLOG!!!

TEN DAYS ARE SO AWESOME!!!!!!!

I'm off for a nap.

See Yahs.

LOL!

2007-10-06T17:47:00.000+08:00

Well just to lighten things up I just thought maybe the blog needs to have somethin to laugh about. LOL! Just to brighten your day..

Hahaha.. Keep laughing!

~Hyder

The warrior

2007-10-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

The war will end soon.

For our fate depends on our intelligence and experience.

For our enemies will show no mercy.

For our destiny is inevitable.

For our future is at stake.

I just LOVE talking like that sorry WHAHAH..

Lol. Yup. So far the war has really been one memorable one.

I had one hell of a battle with Chemistry and Physics..

Both were equally tough. MCQs were okay but

Section C was disastrous.

SS and History was so freakishly savage..

Geography was lame..

I took unforeseen fatal blows from English and

the summary sucked my blood..

I pounded ML to dust hahahaha..

But..

E Maths..

paper 2..

was RUTHLESSLY DEADLY....

omg..paper 1 was cruel enough but ..

..aw geez...

*collapse*

Lol. Sorry. One thing's for sure, I've yet to face the bigdaddy of em' all: Add Maths. If I fail Add Maths then I'll be kicked to 4e5 next year. That's a long way down.. T.T

I predict Add Maths will have much more tricks up its sleeve this time.. I'm prepared for the worst. If E Maths has crushed me now, no way I'm gonna let Add maths do the same.

RAWRR!! BRING IT ON!!

I'LL FIGHT TILL THE VERY END

DIE DIE DIE!!!!

I'm so psyched..then again.. I'm really worn out. I'm off to bed. See Ya.

p.s. By the way, if u have Meiji/Marigold mixed fruit yoghurt in your fridge.. try dipping grapes, mango or orange cubes in yoghurt then eat them. OMG. That's the best thing I've tasted in months!!! VERY VERY VERY VERY TASTY! (and healthy too)

~Hyder

Long Way To Go

2007-09-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

Yo.

Yeah. It's me, twinkly eyes...

I know you have not been coming in here lately. Me neither. DUH. Who'd be stupid enough to

check this blog in the midst of exams... :P

Shall I say mugging? I don't think I am. I've been revising lots at school and then I sleep at home.

Then I don't really study much at night. I'm seriously putting my life at risk..

I've a few words to say for my opponents..

Add Maths: This is it. The final battle. There's only room for one of us on Earth.

Chemistry: I'm so totally psyched for this. I'll slam you with formulas..

Physics: No way are you gonna destroy me anymore. Die!!!

E Maths: CRUD!! *gulp* I just hope I can escape from you!

ML: What?! Just you wait man..

Combined Humans: Bring it on.. losers..

Geography: Bow before me..

English: Who?

Ain't flunking no more. NO MORE exam FAILURES. I'll prove to you that Metamorphosis has really taken its course. RAWRRRRR RAWWWRR!!!!!!!!!

So don't expect me to be online so often.. I'll fly higher than ever before now with fresh new wings..

Before I go, listen to this song..

It's a bit mean.. but the words speak so much.

I just like the song, don't think I'm trying to say something okay.

See Ya!
Long Way To Go

The Click Five

Was it you
That said that she could never get enough of me
But you confessed
That when we were alone you had to tell yourself to breathe
So maybe I
Should feel a little more like I've been living in a dream
Well I'm asking you should I stay

Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and I still got a long way to go

Why would you?
Wanna be with me instead of other guys
Oh make me feel
Like something special
God I think I've heard a million times
So would it be enough
To buy you everything and call you mine
'Cause it won't last long if I do

Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and I still got a long way to go

If I would leave tomorrow
You'd be the last to know

Even though I love you
If we stay together

Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though I love you
(I can't help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and I still got a long..long way to go

Long way to go
Long way to go
Still got a long way to go

When the lights are out

2007-09-23T11:30:00.000+08:00

"When I'm Gone"

The Click Five

Dear love
Better sit down
Bad news
Get the word out
Accidents come with conclusions

I'm numb
On the asphalt
Don't cry
Wasn't your fault
I can't feel
It's just confusion
Keep on, keep on, keep on, when I'm gone

When the lights are out
Don't be sad for long
When I'm gone
And the lights are out
I'll be shining on
I'm just gonna let my life bleed on this letter
Let my song sing on forever
I'll still love you when I'm gone

Tear drops
Paint the faces
Despair
Is contagious
Dressed in black
Clutching a red rose
Hold on, hold on, hold on, my love goes on

When the lights are out
Don't be sad for long
When I'm gone
And the lights are out
I'll be shining on
I'm just gonna let my life bleed on this letter
Let my song sing on forever
I'll still love you when I'm gone

*Hyder's guitar solo.

(LOL just kiddin) XD

When the lights are out
Don't be sad for long
When I'm gone
And the lights are out
I'll be shining on
I'm just gonna let my life bleed on this letter
Let me song sing on forever
I'll still love you when I'm gone

"babeh"?

Patience is a virtue

2007-09-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

Patience.

The ability to suppress annoyance, pain, or lost of temper.

A skill which when mastered,

may enhance one with a

psychological and physical

prowess

beyond all imagination...

Oh. Wait. Cut the crap hyder and get straight to the point.

Cancel the last three words coz thats exaggerated crap. Ehehehe..

Currently I've been exploring new ways of finding my inner peace. Isolated myself from this world of chaos and I've made frequent trips to the mosque lately. I've also been taking more night strolls when the moon is at its brightest. It has been a relaxing past few nights.

Patience is virtue.

I'm juggling so many tasks at the same time and it's really working for me.

I hope she's okay. I've got to set my priorities straight..First time I'm actually taking things so easily without a flash of anxiousness on my mind. Maybe that's why studying isn't so boring anymore...

Some things I have to let go. It's time to end this.

Rising Star

2007-09-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Watching a friend taking a first step towards his/her dream is truly inspiring. Especially if that step is more like a giant leap. Sometimes you just never know what great potential lies within a person, and you're really amazed when they finally show it. Talent, that's one gift we should never take for granted.

I watched Shirley sang her heart out at the superstar finals today. I could hardly believe it was the friend I knew, coz from what I saw, she was definitely superstar material. She blowed us all away with her awesome vocals...

Makes me wonder how much brighter she would shine in the future.. and I wonder how I would do the same... Wow... Everyone will have their moment one day.

Shirley's motto has always been 'Be The One'. Just goes to show that with enough hope, faith and the will to achieve, we'll all Be The One we're meant to be. :D

Gotta sleep now..before I go, here's a sketch I did of Shirley in the spotlight. I did it in the AVA, while she was singing!! HEHEHE.. oh gosh too many flaws..!! SORRY I WAS RUSHING!!

:) See Ya!

Sh*t ...

2007-09-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had those days

where you are so excited to talk to someone or do something,

and you wait anxiously for that moment to come...

But then when it really happens,

it turns out the way u least expected

and just turns your world upside down.

For a person, you end up hating him/her after that.

For an event, you regret it ever occurred.

For a game, you end up the worst loser

And for something so special,

its like everything you ever did was failure

and you ask yourself:

"WHERE THE HELL DID I GO WRONG?"

It just happened to me again, and this time it's like i've sunk lower than ever before.

Don't you get it? It's always been the same damned excuse for your hostility.

You know how much it kills me,

but you never really tried to see it from my point of view.

So it's your life and I have to live with it??

I've had enough.

Two can play that game.

....