Hell-bent

Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects

When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Truth be told I miss you

And truth be told I'm LYING

It's really amusing listening to this song over and over again. It gets conciliatory after awhile when the song's stuck in your noggin. Still I find the lyrics way too ridiculous, but what the hell.. haha.

Something's bugging me.

Come Hell or High Water, everyone seems like they're raising HELL about the opposite sex on their blogs. Most of it is of course, teenage 'what-the-HELL's, while the rest are too full of crud - wasting away the precious minutes of my life. Dammit, damn you.(to HELL).Why can't everyone just be merry with what they have instead of whining about what you don't.

Patience - It's a simple theory to happiness.

-.0

Let's put this little problem of yours a lil' bit simpler:

You don't know what the HELL's wrong with yourself even though been through HELL and back. You're still HELL-bent on repeating your actions over and over again. Getting yourself trapped with unnecessary commitments just for the HELL of it.

HELL yeah, tell me if it's all worth it: all those months, all those morons giving you HELL, turning their back on you....You know you deserve a HELL lot more than this shit but you'd rather be in HELL.

Putting yourself through HELL and now you're crawling in the dark TM, looking for an escape rope to dawn in from heaven. Right now I'm giving you a slice of HELL, so listen closely to the bottomline:

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF

Doubt

And you said I couldn't draw no more.

El Loco Poco

Updates, eh?

This blog isn't dead.. it's just a little neglected. I've been busy with writing my new fantasy fiction story (which comprises of 3 blogs ) so I sorta left my CrawlingInTheDark blog alone.. in the dark. Hahaha. It's been a long while since the end of that stupid 'war'. I've been thinking about what I've been doing before that and what've I become today. Too much things.. most are irrelevant things which I could have chosen to forget but instead I dwell excessively on them..

I'm always that person: The kind who asks crazy questions and looks for the answers which he'll never find. Yeah. El Loco Poco.

Most likely there aren't gonna be much posts until maybe I establish my 'new' life at Singapore Polytechnic (aerospace electronics!!! =D). Could I call this 'metamorphosis'? I don't think so.

All this while I commonly use this strong word call 'metamorph' to describe a major change or a turning point in my character. But now.. all of it seems so insignificant.. irrelevant.. pointless.. not even worth mentioning.

Those 'changes'... were they just the fated, aftermath products of the oppressive chain of events occuring.. or are they a result of my own, harebrained decisions?

Was I living a lie all this while?

Metamorphosis. I sigh sympathetically of what I used to be. Or what I've dreamt of wanting to be. I told myself I wanted to change. Yes, I did change. But it was like the new year came early. Just another pathetic resolution. Another fruitless attempt at 'making a difference'. I did not bloom. I did not evolve. I did not mature. I merely progressed, an advancement too meagre to observe any difference at all!

I've grown less apt to write about the dramatic, painful yet emotionally-driven details of my life. Maybe all of it was a waste of time. Emo shmeemo. Maybe those guys were right.. could it be that I was a mere poser? Whichever way, poser or authentic.. doesn't really matter now does it? I did get to where I wanted to go.. But I took a detour thinking it was a shortcut... when I could have just walked forward.

I could have spent more time being grateful for what I have and not sulk over what I don't have. I could have realized my potential earlier. I've been gambling my destiny for so long without even realizing it. Well.. No point being regretful now. No point regretting later.

A new age has dawned once again. I'm not making anymore promises nor am I jeopardizing myself by putting my life on the line. From this moment on it'll be all out and no turning back.

I can't afford to turn back.

I am what I am: The first of me, like no one else.

Half-baked

da dum da dum...

*slap* *slap* *slap*

Nutty nutty nutty like a fruitcake.
Ooof. The rate of my heartbeat could exceed the speed of light if this insanity goes on.

GAWD, I need a vacation.

Encompassed

This latest poem is dedicated to.. well, you know who you are. ;)

~The Hug~

I gasped in relief, my feet stamping the floor
In delight, I attempted to comprehend my score
I mouthed words of sheer gratitude for my Lord
For He had blessed my L1R4
My eyes frantically searched the hall
For the person who’d picked me up everytime I fall

You promised a moment that would last forever
And then I’ve found you, seemingly cheery as ever
You turned to see a cracked smile on my face
I stood frozen, my feet cemented at its place

I every way you exemplify the phrase:
A world without you is only a waste in space

‘Fourteen?’ voiced out between your lips
I nodded in reply as my stomach did flips
Someone call the ambulance coz it was hard for me to dial
I was blinded from the radiance of your smile

Before I knew it, I was encompassed
In embrace which I wish would last
I felt my breath taken away
Like the tasty catch of the day
Being tugged at the end of a line
Which was nothing short of fine
Your angel wings shielded me from the world
And *BANG*, escaped my soul as it swirled

Everything else exploded into babel
My mind clouded and rocked unstable
My legs were fifty feet off the ground
My lungs were nowhere to be found
My brain will take years to come around
An emotion so immensely profound
In mere seconds I was completely spellbound
I was up so high I forgot what was down

And when I began to understand what this means
I was falling through bottomless ravines
My heart, my lungs and its inner machines
Resumed onto their usual routines
As my soul was sucked back where it belonged
From a wonderful moment I wish was prolonged
All the luck had run out of my four-leaf clover
In a blink of an eye I realized it was over

As you withdrew your arms from me
To continue on your pleasant hugging spree
I returned from my 5-second trip to cloud nine
Its blissful aftermath tingles down my spine
A hug which I expected to be so fine
How intoxicated was I? I could never define

Thank you =)

I'll never forget the day of my O Level results.

I'll never forget you.

Hyder is imperfect.

Zee

This post is for 238832 (OR to those who are taking O levels sometime later). I seriously hope you would spare some time and think before you fall prey to yourself. Read this story about a person I know too well.

A year gone. Blew away, like dust in the wind. The moment his last paper - Chemistry Paper 1 - ended, Zee’s classmates celebrated with the freedom they've imprisoned in their hearts for a long time. How intoxicating it felt, all the months of suffering, every drop of sweat shed in cramming their brains was worth it. The blissful thought of freedom obliterated every ounce of torment they've endured, for what felt like a century. But not the whole class felt that way. Zee didn’t. Zee did not spread his wings to fly just like the others did. He was stunned, in confusion, in fear.

The day Zee entered 3E1, he knew this was ‘it’. He made it here and he was proud of himself. People around him congratulated him for having made it to the Pure Science Class. He knew it was gonna be tough but he figured he should start off nice and easy. After all, he was in the first class. And he wasn’t going to ‘war’ that year anyway.

So Zee ambitiously lived each day, dreaming of being a hero. ‘Let life unveil itself’, he declared, an affirmation of his confidence and resolution to take it easy. He thought ‘There shall be an intense period before the O’s when THEN I’ll torture myself. There’s still time’. What he didn’t realize back then was that single thought, which he continued to reassure in his mind, was a pledge for suicide. Ultimately, he has already been defeated, without even entering the war.

As months proceeded, people around Zee thought he was progressing. Yes, Zee did his homework, but not all of them. Yes, Zee did pass his exams, but again, not all of them. Zee pardoned each failure with a mere ‘I’ll do better at the REAL thing – the O levels.” However, inspiration to amend his mistakes did not last long. He failed, he reassured improvement, and he failed again. He was living a lie. Lying to his relatives, his friends, his parents, most severely, to himself.

When Zee’s finally year approached, he imprudently assumed himself that ‘the intense period of preparation will come, but not now’. It remained engraved on the bulletin board inside his immature mind. He continued to cherish every praise, which did nothing more than only to inflate his ego. He took his time, his homework, his exams for granted.

Eventually, a tremendous amount of pressure cascaded down on him like a landslide. He assumed that period he’s so frequently reminded of has arrived. He started studying rapidly, attempting to hold on to whatever he can extract out of his textbooks. The moment he thought he had shifted into high gear, the world came crashing down on him. Life turned upside down.

Pressure multiplied as people showered him with high expectations, hopes and well wishes. Hours are maximized at the study table. Every math sum he tackled had only backfired him right in the face. Every science fact he jammed in, it only led him to new ones. Insane. Just plain insane.

Day 1 of war. Zee rode his horse proudly into battle, clutching hard onto his weapons, in anticipation of the enemy. A ripple of fear appeared on his face. His inner voice whispered deep into his ear, "You’re not ready.” Unfortunately his conscience was right.


Weeks of war were lived with nothing but anxiety, tension, and intensity. Painful morning and night preparations were deemed futile when Zee’s inner voice was proved right again – paper after paper. Zee was hit by a fever on the day of his Physics Paper 2, which hindered him completely from preparing for the next paper the next day: E Maths Paper 2.

His second shot at his MT paper was blown to shreds when his specialty in writing expository compositions proved to be no match for the question – but he was forced to take it on as he wasn’t prepared enough for the other choices. His inner voice was proved right yet again. It was like trying to slay a dragon with a sword, made of cotton.

The days went rapidly. Practicing Add Maths was like defusing bombs. Memorizing History was counting sand grains on the beach. Time constraints only led Zee to ‘selective studying’ – in other words, laying death traps for himself. The horror, the pain, the misery.

And there he stood. The day after O levels, feeling nothing but emptiness. Cold, dark, and immense emptiness. Never, I repeat, never think that you’ve done enough for yourself or think you’ll rejoice later.

What’s the point? What’s the fucking point if you’re just gonna weep and whimper when you get your Final results?
What’s the point throwing away so much money, four years of opportunity to achieve success, only to obtain failure?
What’s the point of regretting and wishing you could start all over again?

Don’t be a fool and permanently label yourself a loser by regretting later.

Here’s the truth: If you’ve been thinking highly of my resilience, intelligence, and diligence – you have clearly overestimated me. I was in the first class, that doesn’t make me a champion. Zee was a boy who was a fool who had been immersed in selfish overconfidence, relishing the worthless worldly pleasures and busy finding buried treasure when he’s actually digging his own grave.

Time and time again, you hear people tell you: ‘Work very hard’, ‘Do your best’, ‘It’s for your own good’.. I’m not here to nag and repeat those, but like you, I am a teenager too. I’ve been through this.

Take some time to think about what you have done and what you have become. Most importantly, what you will become if you keep this up. Time waits for no man, and I know it sounds cliché, but there’s no other way. You have a lot of potential, don’t turn the tables on yourself.

Don’t be like Zee.
Don’t be like me.

It’s just not worth it.

Apparently...

Hello?

Do people still come here? Dammit, we are so touched.
Hyder's on (hopefully) temporary absence due to hindrances of internet access. Sorry much, but I guess can't help that now. Ironically he said he'll be blogging after O's but woe is the world, APPARENTLY he is unable to return. *Sigh* He's probably in nowhere land right now, and I'm blogging on his behalf.

Oh yeah, he wanted to say something he didnt' get to say earlier due to hiatus:

THIS FREAKIN SUCKS.
-Hyder

Ohkay gotta go now.

-Hyder's schizophrenic self

Schizophrenic

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL THAT REPLACEMENT JUST APPEAR OUTTA NOWHERE AND BRUSH ME OFF MY FEET SO I CAN FINALLY FALL FLAT ON MY FACE AND LEARN THE HARD WAY THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER LITTLE FISHIES IN THE SEA?!?!

ARGH!!! THIS PATHETIC IGNORANT LOSER IM ADDICTED TO IS SO DRIVING ME GODDAMN SCHIZOPHRENIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM MOONSTRUCK AND UNGLUED AND MENTALLY DERANGED AND STILL THAT REPLACEMENT HAS NOT ARRIVED TO SQUEEZE MY BRAIN UNTIL IM OBLIVIOUS TO THIS IRRATIONAL HYSTERIA..............

WWAHWAHWAWAHWAWAWHAWAHWAWHAAHWAHWAHWAHWAHAHWAHWAHA!!!! PVVVVTT!!!!! PVVVVVVVVVT!!!!! CONSIDER THIS MY FINAL PLEA FOR AN ORDINARY LIFE WITHOUT THIS RELENTLESS INSANITY... I WANT FREEDOM FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THIS HORRIBLE DREADFUL OBNOXIOUS INSENSITIVE LITTLE NEANDERTHAL BRAT!!!!!!

WITHOUT A REPLACEMENT I AM DEFENSELESS AND POWERLESS AND HAPLESS...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH..... IM..... IM...

SHRINKING....
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
....

*POP*

This Is It

This Is It

by Hyder

This is it

There’s no more holding back
Your past struggles have only led to this-
An all-out final attack
Focus on achieving results
And you will stay on track
The perilous seas you’ll have to sail
The merciless waves your ship will smack

Seems like we’re at world’s end
And you’re the undaunted Captain Jack

This is it

No more struggles, no more regrets
Time to escape this vicious cycle
Your illustrious journey is coming to an end
And now you’re at the pinnacle
You now decide your own ending
Will it be mediocre or epic,
Disheartening or fantastic,
Phenomenal or melancholic,
Or maybe just plain catastrophic

If you’ve not decided you better be quick
There’s no point turning back
When the clock starts to tick

This is it

The enemies have been awaiting your arrival
Your victory have they forced to disallow
To front their blows with courage in your hearts
Will you dare to vow?
To harvest the storm, they said
It’s the wind you must first sow
Don’t you audaciously ask what,
Why, where, when or how

Fight gallantly, young warriors
There’s no other time but now

Heyo. So how's you like my new poem. Deep huh? But it seems kinda silly after reading it for a few times. I dedicate this poem to all my secondary 4 friends, my sister and Hau Yan =D

I wish good luck to all of you fellow warriors. I've always seen the O' level exams as a war we have to succeed in. Failure=death for me.

Currently I'm trying my very best to gain in as much info as possible before the 'war'.

March on!

Experience is key,

so don't forget to practice your spellcasting (I mean, do practise mathematics)

Don't forget your incantations too!(I mean formulae)

Make sure you're weapons (I mean, stationery) are in tip-top condition.

Sheesh. See how obsessed I am with this war thing.

LOLZ.

May we triumph in our struggle for excellence!

And freedom too!

Haha.

Bye guys.

Wish me luck. ~