Bleed

THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE WORSE DAY EVER.

....

Damned this heart, bleeding for nothing.

Now you're disappearing away from my life.

Like we never knew each other.

Overreacting as always, I always surprise myself with

my 'other' side.

No one will understand what freakin' things I've been thru..

What is this burst of emotions raging in my head?

I can't breathe properly, I can't think anymore.

I never asked for it but it came anyway.

I don't know myself anymore.

Am I the one true cause of my own misery?

Just wanna let you know.

Your smile, your laughter, your words..

..you know it's like heaven for me.

But your sorrow, your ignorance..

and your silence..

is hell for me too.

Today you made my day with your performance..

but it meant nothing when you turned away.

I don't wanna sulk.

I don't wanna cry.

I don't wanna go on living this guilt

without even knowing why..

Please.

Talk to me...

Scarring the fragile heart

Have you ever wondered why some of your friends seem to know a lot about people they found seemingly attractive on the net, and why they talk about these people all day?

Makes me wonder: You my friend, have a vast ocean of knowledge on this person's background though the person doesn't even know you exist. And yet I'm your best friend and you know me no more than a speck of dust.

Sometimes you can't help wondering what they REALLY think of you. Take me for instance, I've experienced countless betrayals and met a whole zoo of traitors. Hmm... must be some kinda of record.. or just a curse that is chained on me for life..

Here are some stories:

There was Girl A, whom she meant the world to me. But at one point she had enough of me and left a scar in my heart, far too painful to bear. Fortunately, this was a friendship which was made to last, and it did. The situation between her and I now is different, but the wound remains, in a memory that wouldn’t fade away.

Then there’s Boy B, whom at that time, I considered him a friend so amazing, it certainly changed my life. Being with him meant security and trust. But this friendship was a mere fluke in the end, I was backstabbed, at the point of time when I thought my ‘friend’ was the person I could approach after a lonely period which only added insult to injury.

Boy C, was a friendly acquaintance for 2 years. I treated him just as a friend, whom he had no problems cooperating and doing projects with, not to mention laugh at the same jokes. But Boy C soon found a reason to believe that Hyder is a sort of ..jynx? He just turned his back, for an immature reason that had involved Boy B as well. B & C weren’t true friends. Immature minds think alike.

There was Girl D and her gang, who used humiliation and revealed a dark secret that changed my life forever. The horrible things they do on the internet. The horrible things they did to me.

There was Boy E, whom came to school as a new student and Hyder was his best company. As they parted, Boy E moved to back to Indonesia and then to Australia, where he met Hyder again online, but this time, a whole new person: “ I don’t know you, freak.”

There were many others who were meant to be unspoken, but can never be forgotten.
All of them had taken the dagger of betrayal, and each carved their own initials into this meek, fragile heart. Why? Why did all this happen to me in such a short period of time? It's like still being alive after being struck by lightning 7 times, and yet you still fly kites in the storm.

Thankfully things are starting to look up, Metamorphosis will cleanse off all this evil memories.
I'm really happy with my friends now, and I'm enjoying my new class. But my fear just won't go away. I know, I will face more situations like these for the rest of my life..

This is the real reason why I value friendship more than anything else. I wanna treasure my true friends till the end. This is why I have a Special People List. Lol.
Pitiful me, going blabity blabity blah about betrayal and loss of trust.. Sorry. I know some of you may be just like me, luck isn't with us when these things happen, but hey, you ain't the only one. Justice will be served one day. These people will receive retribution, and they'll pay. Don't worry. Have faith in youself. You might just have a happy ending.

Before you go, just wanna let you know that, whatever that lurks in my mind, it'll be written in the blog. Extremely personal okay? Cheers~

Haunted Past

To: The Girl

Why,
Why now?
Why did you decieve me?
Why break the heart that beat for you?
Why did you ever accepted me when you knew it will end this way?
Why stab the blade into the heart you had already scarred enough?
Why?

Where,
Where do I go now?
Where have I gone wrong?
Where did you go wrong?
Where can I hide this painful scar that you carved?
Where?

When,
When will you feel sorry?
When did I ever mistreated you?
When will I ever get to show the side of me you didn't know?
When will this pain ever go away?
When?

What,
What made you change your mind?
What did you get from hurting me like this?
What is the true reason behind all this?
What have I done to deserve this?
What have you done?
What?

How,
How will I ever get over this?
How do you like hurting someone who had helped you so much?
How do you feel after all we've been through?
How can you expect me to just forget this and move on?
How?

Have you,
Have you ever considered how I felt?
Have you ever wondered why I care about you so much?
Have you ever pondered why we got so far together and ended just like that?
Have you ever seen the misery that lies hidden among my smiles?
Have you ever felt the magic in the way we look in each other's eyes?
Have you ever treasured the words I say to you?
Have you ever had the courage to face the one who's right beside you all along?
Have you ever thought about me, us, and not just about yourself?

All this time, I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer. But with so many questions you left unanswered, it's no use. You may think it's been so long and you're over it like it never happened, but what about me? The truth lies within you, and it seems that I'll never know.

Maybe it is 'just the past'. Maybe you should just ask me to stop being so immature. Maybe I was never meant to be special to you at all. Maybe I should just f*ck off.

......

It's all in the mind

Change.

It isn't easy adapting to major changes in your life, everyone knows that. We've all been in similar situations and we've all faced a great deal of change in this stage of growing up. But changes usually have a similar pattern, they start out rough, and will proceed gradually and soon you're adapted to it completely.

If you're changing for the better, you'll never regret. Changing for the worse, is another thing, but you better realize it sooner or later..

I've drawn up new plans for my everyday life, I'll try to be more consistent in my work and to avoid wasting too much time. And today, it's coming on pretty well. Sometimes I just wonder, why now? Why didn't I think of this sooner? Why not later? Well the past is gone and procrastination will not solve anything. It's now or never.

If you talk to me on msn and I don't reply, means there's something I have to do first. Priorities must be set straight. Maybe sms me if it's really urgent. I'm breaking free of this prepostrous cycle of slack and I'll fly higher than ever before.

Sometimes you just want things to change in your life, but you just don't have the motivation to work harder. All part of a teen's life. It takes time, and effort too, it ain't easy. Making the choice is important. For me, all I needed was lightning to strike me twice and months of regret to fuel me determination for change. And I want revenge. I want to show them what I'm made of. I want to show them that I can fly higher than them. SUCCESS IS DA BEST REVENGE. I WANT TO THROW SNOT AT THEIR FACES!!!! XD
muahahahahahahaha....

Just so you know, I won't be wasting much of my time on the comp (msn time cut down) coz I've decided to stick to the books. Sms me if anything. But I'll still be blogging though. :)

By the way.. I GOT A1 FOR ADD MATHS!!! FIRST TIME!!!! YEAHH!!! I ROCK! :p Oh and I greeted one of those Japanese chicks who came to our school for visit. O-M-G. I practically melted in front of her smiling at me. OMG. SHE WAS SO HOT. XD XD lol. Damn. Stupid infatuations. First Kiki, now her. And Sharil won't tell me her 'cool' name, and he shaked her hand like 4 freakin times and kept walking with her. GRRRRRRRR...

Oh well. Time's a-wastin'. I'll go all the way.

Discipline oneself.

Achieve greater heights.

Evolve into a whole new person.

METAMORPH.

(stop thinking I'm a power ranger or butterfly. I'm only a "Hyder")

Restored. Reformed. Reborn.

"Metamorphosis: Restored. Reformed. Reborn."
"I will not forget today for I have faced the wrath of retribution, nor will there ever be a better resolution, it's time to break free of this bitter revolution."
"Misery's my company."
"My dreams are drawn on paper."
"I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer."
"Live your life like you're gonna live forever, devote your life to God like you will die tomorrow."
"I stand before a road that will lead into the unknown. I want to go, but I'm paralysed with fear. Fear of a choice, or the outcome isn't clear."
"There's light at the end of the tunnel. Just pray it's not a train."
"Your destiny is inevitable."
"Success is the best revenge."

Lol. I sure do have a way with words.. :P Okay well, two are inspired by Hoobastank, one by Good Charlotte, one's a famous joke, while one is taught by a teacher. Whoa. I'm deep..i think.

Anyway, thanks for coming. Yup. That picture above is the cover of Metamorphosis Magazine. LOL. Kiddin. I drew that... yeah metamorphosis.

That's me, breaking free out of my 'chrysalis' which tendrils forbid me from escaping but I will succeed. I'm bursting into flames of determination. Muahahahaha.

Erm, since my previous post left you guys thinking I must be going nuts, sorry about that. I was too emo to write normally. LOL. That day affected me a lot, made me realize that all along, I've been walking the path to a doomed destiny. This path ends here.

Metamorphosis. (noun)

A profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and then pupa to the adult butterfly.

Oops. O.O Wrong definition.

Metamorphosis. (noun)

Any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.

Aah..better. 'Change'. That's the simplest word to describe this. I'm reforming to hopefully a much better person, academically and mentally. And no, I will not grow butterfly wings. :) I will completely transform on my 15th birthday, so I'm on my last stage now, and I'm doing well. What? ...I'm serious.

After Metamorphosis: Study habits will improve. Work attitude will improve. Discipline will improve. Initiative will improve. Time management will improve. Computer addiction will be terminated. MSN usage will be reduced. TV time will be cut down. Rate of exam failures will decrease to zero. Mp3 usage will be reduced. Drawing skills will improve at a FASTER rate. Daydreaming will be allowed before bed ONLY. Crushes at school will be reduced to one [haha ;) ]And hopefully, personality traits will improve.

The choices were laid out and I've made my decision. You may not see the change, coz it's all in the mind. But please, do understand. :) :) :)

Before I go, I hope you don't mind me switching to Westlife. Westlife songs are so damn NICE, you just HAVE to listen. I recommend you to listen to ALL, coz I'll be more than happy to send them to you if you like. :) SEE YA!

Metamorphosis

The time has come.

There's no turning back. The metamorphosis stage

is near complete. Soon I will break out of this

pointless life and reform into a new me.

Regret.

Miserable.

Hurt.

Determined.

That's how I'm feeling now.

After all the wrongs I've done,

all the work I've procrastinated,

all the lies I've told,

all those swears and curses,

nagging and criticism

and all those tears I've shed...

It's time for a change.

Although the path ahead remains dark,

and which it will forever be,

Today, I was slapped,

insulted,

and half of me was destroyed..

but it made me see the light.

No more friends to walk by my side anymore.

No one cares about who I am anymore.

It's my destiny,

I will walk this path alone.

I will not forget today,

for I have faced the wrath of retribution,

nor will there ever be a better resolution,

It's time to break free of this

bitter revolution.

Reach for the skies~~

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Back from the "Same-old-sing-a-long-singapore-song" Concert. A year back this day was one that I really treasured. :) I have my reasons, maybe u might know. Well at least this time I get to sit with awesome Nasha and Sharil, and its much less boring esp. when u got Darwin next to ya. Yay for Ummi and the RHYAs (yeah, them again)-.- .. Hahahaha..

Seen my tagboard? Wow thanks to you guys for not raining on my parade and always supporting me, you guys rock. Can't believe its already August dammit.. like so fast?!?! Wow. It's like I'm back on the go-kart track, leaving everyone in dust. And woohoo the road is clear ahead~

Haiix.. It's gonna be one quick weekend and I only have a few days to change. Too late. I'm a goner... time to hop onboard the train of Chemistry-&-Physics-&-Humanities, where it's all boring no matter where you are on the track. Maybe I won't be blogging, or writing stories, or drawing until CT ends.. I hope I can refrain from the blog like Shirley.. hahaha

Oh one more thing, Ummi + Nasha my two lovable ~**best-friends**~, sorry about the bear hug incident, (or was it the tiger's hug?) HAHAHAHA. You guys are oh-so-fun.. Thanks for making me feel so darned special and stuff, you guys can never be replaced. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :))))))) Misery loves company. I know I've been hanging around a lot with u guys lately, I just hope I didn't desert anyone else...

Right then.
Mugging season's just gettin started, huh shirley? Hahaha.. Happy mugging everyone!

-.-'''''

Believe in Yourself.

Deformed

-_-

RAWWRRRR RAWWWWRRR RAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRR

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREAT. There's no better time to post. Hmm how should I start this one?


I'm a wart-faced toad, coz have u heard da news? My face is misproportioned and disfigured! You'd rather look at and ass' ass than MY FACE. Coz im the ugliest piece of crap that ever lived. Don't tell me twice coz I've heard it THREE DAMN TIMES ON THE SAME WEEKEND.


No more pictures, no more mirrors, no more criticsm, THIS time i'm certain.


Ooh. They say u cant judge a book by its cover. WELL GUESS WHAT. IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I've found the answer that triggered all the feelings of my haters. Yup. Look no further. Coz the answers are all WRITTEN ON MY FACE. Say no more. You guys were right. And to think I could actually win someone's heart, but by the LOOKS of it, that will never happen!!!


It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You told me the truth, and I accepted it. No one to blame but myself. I love the way I look. But I can't believe I actually shed a fricken tear because of this. And now im not only a wart-faced toad, I'm a sissy one too. So all that 'prince' thingy was mere trash talk.


Say whatever u want, the answers are unanimous. And please don't tag about this, I've had enough... I know I'm overeacting, I can't help this. I've heard that damned word too many times.
.......

It's not the picture. It's me. :(
Don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Gooded English :)

Hey y'all.

Currently busy with all my homework, but it's break time and I'd thought I'd drop in the blog just to update for fun.

.....

Oh great. Nothin' to talk about. I hate it when this happens, but you just got that urge to blog about somethin'...oh well. It's Loserville here at my house. Haven't gone out to have fun in ages... and exams coming soon. I just hope I'll be able to go out with Zach and Luke again, at least before the next ice age.. -.-'' The fear of boring you guys out just sticks in me..this blog is NOT MEANT TO BE UNREAD... :P sorry.. it's more like a bulletin board than a diary..

Hmm.. i hope i get a lot of people coming here coz I aint really that much of a hot cookie at school. Thanks to the passerby who spams my blog just to say it rocks. I appreciate that, LOL! :) :) :) LOVE BLOGGING.

I'll just end this post on a funny note. This'll make you appreciate learning English at school. I got these pics from an email from Misery hahahah.. enjoy!

-.-' Oyster, tomato or dog sauce?
Grow us a hand
All liquor heads MUST BE refused.
Maybe we should check this place out... OOhhh Lobster Death!! Yum..
Fcuk that butcher.Self-explanatory. :)

Stand under my umbrella

Rainin' more than ever.

I've been wizzing thru ppl's blogs again. Jumpin from one link to another like lice. Typical bloggers write whole chunks of their life and stuff em all in one post. Bored, I jumped to another one. Same here still. But well, not all blogs are like that, some have questions, some are metaphorical, highly graphic, poetic, and some just are way too dreamy( like someone's :D). And some just write out all the crap that happens every bit of their lives. Now that's something I DO NOT want to read to my children (If i end up with any). But still, it's their blog and it's not my right to criticize. Lol. I think my blog sucks too ( coz no one ever said it rocks ), but who cares.

Life is on fast track, and there's paranoia in the air. I keep procrastinatin' my stuff and if i dont change now, lets just say i mite as well jump off a cliff. Well, im gonna start on a new story to see my writing capabilities and explode my imagination to seven different colours. Or maybe i should start writin more speeches. Or maybe just hit the books and start mugging? Crud. I need to scream. Be right back.

* faint, sheer cries of agony could be heard from afar * *Neighbours yell*

Okay great there's the doorbell. Ignore em', its only the neighbours. Silly peeps. 5 in the morning and singin' "Phantom of the Opera" in the showers. And they call me lame. -.-

Present status:

I am much more cheery nowadays. I really click with my newfound pals. National day comin. Common tests staring at me. School's been a breeze. Chemistry gettin much nicer. Physics just hammer me on the noggin ( i mean head ). But now when I go to recess, it aint safe anymore. I'm not as free as before, paranoia bites when people turn and look at me. Old friends are now nobody. Old admirers are long gone. And those peeps who used to mock me just treat me like im invisible (which is just aint the same). Life changes fast in these times, and GLOBAL WARMING has got nuthin' to do with it. But at least im copin' with changes. Thanks to my new fwens. I mean friends. LoL... and there's really no time to dream... :(

Really tired. Gotta collapse soon. PLEASE PLEASE come here often. Your visits are really appreciated.. Misery wantsta say somethin...

Misery says: Hey. If you're thinking I'm Hyder, IM NOT. Im just a regular kid ( ok im 18 so im not a kid ) and just because I'm the tag moderator doesn't mean I'm Hyder's alter ego. I wish I could look after the lil' guy, but he's so far away on the little red dot, and I'm in the states. Don't ask about me, and don't mess with Hyder's blog, or I'll send you my little pet 'WORM' thru ur server. Bye.

Wow's he's so cool. And the last part was a joke..

..I think...