Doubt

And you said I couldn't draw no more.

El Loco Poco

Updates, eh?

This blog isn't dead.. it's just a little neglected. I've been busy with writing my new fantasy fiction story (which comprises of 3 blogs ) so I sorta left my CrawlingInTheDark blog alone.. in the dark. Hahaha. It's been a long while since the end of that stupid 'war'. I've been thinking about what I've been doing before that and what've I become today. Too much things.. most are irrelevant things which I could have chosen to forget but instead I dwell excessively on them..

I'm always that person: The kind who asks crazy questions and looks for the answers which he'll never find. Yeah. El Loco Poco.

Most likely there aren't gonna be much posts until maybe I establish my 'new' life at Singapore Polytechnic (aerospace electronics!!! =D). Could I call this 'metamorphosis'? I don't think so.

All this while I commonly use this strong word call 'metamorph' to describe a major change or a turning point in my character. But now.. all of it seems so insignificant.. irrelevant.. pointless.. not even worth mentioning.

Those 'changes'... were they just the fated, aftermath products of the oppressive chain of events occuring.. or are they a result of my own, harebrained decisions?

Was I living a lie all this while?

Metamorphosis. I sigh sympathetically of what I used to be. Or what I've dreamt of wanting to be. I told myself I wanted to change. Yes, I did change. But it was like the new year came early. Just another pathetic resolution. Another fruitless attempt at 'making a difference'. I did not bloom. I did not evolve. I did not mature. I merely progressed, an advancement too meagre to observe any difference at all!

I've grown less apt to write about the dramatic, painful yet emotionally-driven details of my life. Maybe all of it was a waste of time. Emo shmeemo. Maybe those guys were right.. could it be that I was a mere poser? Whichever way, poser or authentic.. doesn't really matter now does it? I did get to where I wanted to go.. But I took a detour thinking it was a shortcut... when I could have just walked forward.

I could have spent more time being grateful for what I have and not sulk over what I don't have. I could have realized my potential earlier. I've been gambling my destiny for so long without even realizing it. Well.. No point being regretful now. No point regretting later.

A new age has dawned once again. I'm not making anymore promises nor am I jeopardizing myself by putting my life on the line. From this moment on it'll be all out and no turning back.

I can't afford to turn back.

I am what I am: The first of me, like no one else.