No Sunshine

*Sigh*

Ain't noooooo sunshine............ when she's gone...

Ain't nooooooo sunshine.............. when she signs off on windows live without talking to me.........

Inadequate

Dear Diary

Despite valiant efforts to be self-sufficient in mathematics, I struggled through the first class test.

While being top ‘chiong-ster’ in class for completing tutorials way before in advance, ironically making ends meet simply to master a subject wasn’t enough for me. They even teasingly called me ‘no-life boy’ when they spotted me doing revision exercises during 15 minute breaks. I laughed it all off because well... it’s true anyway.

However things went screwy during the Engineering Maths class test today – the first of many to come. Could it be overconfidence? I got stuck in a few short questions. Some answers looked too shitty to be called ‘answers’. Even with multiple analyses of my workings, I couldn’t seek out what went wrong. This only proves one thing – my efforts are inadequate.

I’m not afraid of failure – because I don’t believe in failure. When you fall, you get back up, dust yourself and keep moving forward. You don’t cry. You don’t turn around. You don’t go back. You just move forward. To be honest, I kinda expected this to happen. Just because you blasted off to a flying start doesn’t mean you’ll soar effortlessly all the way to the end. I foresaw this from a mile away and it was only a matter of time before my first slip-up from the starting point. Still I’m glad I took it positively.

You should too. The state of your life is only a reflection of your state of mind. It's not you who is inadequate. Your EFFORTS are inadequate. My words may sound cliché to you, but then again, we’re not all optimists. Maybe not yet. Believe in your dreams. Believe in yourself.

Soon

Dear Diary

7:30am. On the MRT today, there was a lady standing in front of me. She was a tad shorter, so when she text messaged I could see what she wrote (I'm bored dammit, I was bored!!). Her words she texted, possibly to her husband seemed to match well with the metal I was listening to.

She wrote "Anw dear, 2day I dreamt my mother died. I think im going to die soon."

At first I was like 'duh, everyone's gonna die soon. -.-'. It didn't take me long before I pondered over what she could be thinking right now. I recalled an experience similar to the first part of what she said, coz it happened to me once. I hadn't realized depression was so widespread, the person just next to you could be downright depressed. The lady took a seat in the row in front of me.

She had panda eyes, I noticed, her eyelids half shut. It's like she was emo on the inside. O.O I was suddenly reminded of how the 'eyes are the windows to the soul'. It was true. She stared blankly onto the floor. Her eyes were cold and devoid of light. Her misery was contagious....

......

God....
Thank you for giving me this day for me to live the fullest.
It's a great day to be alive.

Frustration

Dear Diary,

It has only been a few weeks in Poly and I have changed tremendously. I get frequent impulses of frustration to lash out on someone and engage in physical violence. My mind is like a ticking time bomb.



Yesterday I almost punched a man in the face for repeatedly testing my patience. My subconcious mind automatically blocked off his moronic words and I ignored him. I told my uncle I 'wouldn't have spared him if his face didn't look so pathetic'.



Today I abruptly grabbed a friend by the collar and stared at him fiercely in the eyes as if a bully would do, absurdly, for no particular reason. I unintentionally embarrass myself. My legs, throughout the day, was itching to kick someone.



I contemplated, and concluded that this state of emotion was merely a side product of my recent surge in motivation fused with excessive physical strain. Adaptation to new attitudes, unfortunately, does take its toll..

I'm very sure dealing with emotional stress is something everyone will have to master. Once in a while, unsurprisingly we all go through mood swings etc. But please note: being emotional is not a weakness. Being emotional is a gift.

As you can see from the story above (yes, it's truly about me), I find myself in unsettling situations whereby anger sometimes boils beyond control. Patience and self-control is crucial in anger management, but I think it's possible that we can convert our emotional energy into more useful energy. Usually on my way home from school, if I have any fury stored up inside, I'd unleash them at home. I'd channel that anger into strength - relentlessly putting my body through intense physical workout. I'll continue for as long as it takes to calm myself.

If that's not enough, I'd (this may be a tad hard to believe) revise my schoolwork. Stockpiling harmful negative emotions can lead to self-destruction, and I'm sure we all don't want that. It's important to focus our mind's attention to other things such as reading. You see, emotions can be a key source of motivation. If we have a strong believe in ourself and our potential, emotions plus passion creates the ultimate fuel in the drive towards excellence.

Okaaay... I gotta go. My daily routine is stepped up tenfold, so I'll blog whenever I think is necessary. Still, your tags are immensely appreciated and valued, and please get the idea that I DO READ and NOTICE them.

=) Thank you.

Transition

DASE 1A02 and the incredibly pathetic class poster

***

Absence equals serenity equals transition.

=)

Note to Self: It's time for change.