Apparently...

Hello?

Do people still come here? Dammit, we are so touched.
Hyder's on (hopefully) temporary absence due to hindrances of internet access. Sorry much, but I guess can't help that now. Ironically he said he'll be blogging after O's but woe is the world, APPARENTLY he is unable to return. *Sigh* He's probably in nowhere land right now, and I'm blogging on his behalf.

Oh yeah, he wanted to say something he didnt' get to say earlier due to hiatus:

THIS FREAKIN SUCKS.
-Hyder

Ohkay gotta go now.

-Hyder's schizophrenic self

Schizophrenic

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL THAT REPLACEMENT JUST APPEAR OUTTA NOWHERE AND BRUSH ME OFF MY FEET SO I CAN FINALLY FALL FLAT ON MY FACE AND LEARN THE HARD WAY THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER LITTLE FISHIES IN THE SEA?!?!

ARGH!!! THIS PATHETIC IGNORANT LOSER IM ADDICTED TO IS SO DRIVING ME GODDAMN SCHIZOPHRENIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM MOONSTRUCK AND UNGLUED AND MENTALLY DERANGED AND STILL THAT REPLACEMENT HAS NOT ARRIVED TO SQUEEZE MY BRAIN UNTIL IM OBLIVIOUS TO THIS IRRATIONAL HYSTERIA..............

WWAHWAHWAWAHWAWAWHAWAHWAWHAAHWAHWAHWAHWAHAHWAHWAHA!!!! PVVVVTT!!!!! PVVVVVVVVVT!!!!! CONSIDER THIS MY FINAL PLEA FOR AN ORDINARY LIFE WITHOUT THIS RELENTLESS INSANITY... I WANT FREEDOM FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THIS HORRIBLE DREADFUL OBNOXIOUS INSENSITIVE LITTLE NEANDERTHAL BRAT!!!!!!

WITHOUT A REPLACEMENT I AM DEFENSELESS AND POWERLESS AND HAPLESS...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH..... IM..... IM...

SHRINKING....
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
SHRINKING..
....

*POP*

This Is It

This Is It

by Hyder

This is it

There’s no more holding back
Your past struggles have only led to this-
An all-out final attack
Focus on achieving results
And you will stay on track
The perilous seas you’ll have to sail
The merciless waves your ship will smack

Seems like we’re at world’s end
And you’re the undaunted Captain Jack

This is it

No more struggles, no more regrets
Time to escape this vicious cycle
Your illustrious journey is coming to an end
And now you’re at the pinnacle
You now decide your own ending
Will it be mediocre or epic,
Disheartening or fantastic,
Phenomenal or melancholic,
Or maybe just plain catastrophic

If you’ve not decided you better be quick
There’s no point turning back
When the clock starts to tick

This is it

The enemies have been awaiting your arrival
Your victory have they forced to disallow
To front their blows with courage in your hearts
Will you dare to vow?
To harvest the storm, they said
It’s the wind you must first sow
Don’t you audaciously ask what,
Why, where, when or how

Fight gallantly, young warriors
There’s no other time but now

Heyo. So how's you like my new poem. Deep huh? But it seems kinda silly after reading it for a few times. I dedicate this poem to all my secondary 4 friends, my sister and Hau Yan =D

I wish good luck to all of you fellow warriors. I've always seen the O' level exams as a war we have to succeed in. Failure=death for me.

Currently I'm trying my very best to gain in as much info as possible before the 'war'.

March on!

Experience is key,

so don't forget to practice your spellcasting (I mean, do practise mathematics)

Don't forget your incantations too!(I mean formulae)

Make sure you're weapons (I mean, stationery) are in tip-top condition.

Sheesh. See how obsessed I am with this war thing.

LOLZ.

May we triumph in our struggle for excellence!

And freedom too!

Haha.

Bye guys.

Wish me luck. ~

Ace

It's 00:00

Happy Hydemorphosis Hyder.

I'm 16 today.

It aint exactly the sweetest 16th birthday.. but hey, let's always ditch the past and ace the future aiite?
Say goodbye to emo-hyde, lovesick-hyde, or vengeful-hyde.

It's not a comeback,

it's a new beginning.

Nonexistent

I was thinking my new 'emo' template would turn sour fast.

So I reverted back to the best template there is: No template.

Maybe I might close this blog down coz it's dying. And maybe a revival after the O's.

Preparation for war has really gotten me racing for time.

So now I'll slowly make myself vanish coz my presence on the computer had only catalysed the sand in my hourglass. Lol. I love being metaphorical. Till the time comes, I shall remain nonexistent.

Talk is cheap. Time is money. Fate is unfair. And destiny is inevitable.

I shall return.

~Hyd

Spellbound

HEYO HEYO HEYO

Wow. This day was one of the best days ever. Only on msn, I brought me and Maiz' relationship to a whole new level and I also made some newfound friends I never thought I would: Nadiah and Wajihah.

I spent my afternoon studying with my sister Hau Yee and my awesome pal Sharil by the pond. It was so damn fun filming Sharil for his little talk show and its so fun when Hau Yee's around. These two are so close to me, they're like family (even when one 'ahem' already is). LOL!

That evening, Maiz had been acting really strange lately and often showered me with uncalled praises I never really deserved. She was being really sweet though I'm still oblivious to her charm spells. I'm still confused of how we had gotten so far in such a short time, and how our lonely souls seem to find connection once more. Either way, she really made my day with our conversation. Can't wait to see her again sometime soon.

While as the night proceeded, I started to build up the friendship status between my and my sweet tuition friends Nadiah and Wajihah, though I hardly knew them before this day. It started when Nadiah asked me a history question and then it evolved into a vibrant conversation. 'Wawa' joined in and it got a lot more insane. Amazingly, we crapped about so many things and I threw in so many idiotic jokes I never thought I could think of. In one night, our connection spiralled from a cold zero to deliriously sky-high.

Really really had a lot of fun tonight. And it was one of those intoxicated days that outwitted all the miserable ones in the past weeks. Nothing would please me more than to be with those that I really respected and cherished as special friends. You guys know who you are, and I hope more delightful souls continue to step into my life and create a whole new world for me. As the tides of the exams continue to crash against me, I'm now surviving on you guys as my life-buoys. I've a feeling this black-and-white life will soon be replaced by a whole new spellbound world full of love and laughter.

Thanks to Sharil, Maiz, Hau Yee, Hau Yan, Ummi, Nasha, and my hilarious new friends. Thanks for turning my life around, when its so long upside down. Thanks for being there for me. I'll always be there for you guys, and that's a lifelong promise. While the others whom are not mentioned, don't think I've forgotten about you guys okay. As long as your name is written somewhere in this blog, I would die if you weren't my firned. ^^

And hey, with wits, charm, love and humour, even the tiniest of friendships and ounces of infatuation can create wonders.

And yes, even for half-emos like me. :)

Mediocrity

16/7/08

Career Seminar! I came to school in a cream-coloured shirt plus a dark grey tie. I kinda liked it coz it looked great even though it's cheap. LOL. Well everyone looked awesome and I favourited all my pals outfits. Somehow it really really suits their personality. Sis looked great too even when it was her second career seminar, haha. I told Mom and Dad lotsa people wore blazers. Dad criticized them and told me what's the point in dressing up for a job interview when ppl think you're already a CEO when you stepped in.

I digged all the talks and stuff. After the whole thing, TenDays and I hurried to Changi Airport T2 to spend our Swensens voucher. I thought I might get lonely at first, but it turned out okay in the end. When we got there I gobbled down a whole chicken-mushroom mayo pizza and slurped on a super soda. It's worth that twenty bucks, I felt like a puffer fish. Then we all shared the Earthquake. It reduced to 0 on the Richter Scale in less than 5 minutes. Hahaha.

When we got the bill it was like a total of a hundred plus bucks. Not surprising, but it drained the dough out of everyone. Then the girls were like using the calculator determining who pays how much. Hilarious!

I collapsed on the bed when I got home and slept for a few hours. Regretted it, coz when I woke up I thought I was gonna get indigestion but my stomach was still bloated as ever and my brain was in a daze. I did not gain a single pound.

17/7/08

Woke up with a cramped arm. It had frozen throughout the night, just my luck. School brought a bit less mediocrity on thursdays (coz there's no Physics today), and I had to retake my final final final final 2.4km run for my life in secondary school. I was first among all the other runners, but I sucked as always anyway. I had Good Charlotte to help me. Halfway through a bunch of our own schoolgirls (maybe sec 1-2) darting in their direction. They stopped to see me make a turn and they stared at me till I ran past. I thought I heard one say 'Waa he damn hot sia...' I rolled my eyes. Three cheers for imagination.

=.=

Okay so that's it. Y'know sometimes when you're a guy like me, living te life based on gloom and pessimism, it's kinda hard to face reality when it suddenly turns positive. Fate throws in bits and pieces of happiness to fool you so you'd 'brighten' up but eventually you come across some kinda negative side effect to it. So being negative sometimes eases the crap they'd throw at you later, a bit like finding out the truth when you make assumptions. I always lose when I jump to conclusions. The sad thing is, I can't stop myself.

Lady Luck always had a catch when she winks at me. I never really enjoyed her company.

~Hyd

Cara Lynn

Dear Cara Lynn,

I was looking through old memoirs of the times we had in the past. Wow, were they great. If only I could turn back time I'd go through all of those with you once more. But sad to say, they're locked up in the past forever. If only you'd just answer my questions so I could break free just like you did. But no, you'd rather let me weep silently in confusion. What's your reason for leaving me like this? You never told me.

As the days grow cold and pointless, I couldn't remind myself of where we went wrong. I know we couldn't carry on like this any longer so you had to let me go. But why, Cara Lynn, why? You took me by surprise. What happened really? Was it me, was it you? Was it someone in between? Was it something like love but it's not? You never told me.

I struggled to find the missing pieces that make up my heart. There were scars that bled every once in a while, and wounds that are yet to heal. The sleepless nights went on for weeks, as I reflected on the wrong paths we took. Or maybe it was just me. What made you think I wasn't the one? You never told me.

As I pulled myself together, I shrouded myself in a whole new personality I've never thought I'd become. Darkness and uncertainty were my soulmates, while misery was my company. And love became my greatest foe. I've taught you a lot about living life in raging thunderstorm and how the path ahead will ever be unseen. I knew what was in for me now, but what will you become in the future? You never told me.

You've taught me a lot, Cara Lynn. I've never known true friendship if not for you. Though you have left me nothing but memories, you turned me into a guardian. You sent me someone to look after and guide while she grows up in high school. She's really close to me now and she's doing really well. I know the Cara Lynn I knew will be gone forever, but I promise I'll take care of her for as long as I can. If we hadn't crossed paths my life would have never been so meaningful...

But I just can't help it. How I've missed you and longed for your return. Not a word you have sent me since that fateful day. Where are you now, Cara Lynn? Will I ever get to see you again? I've been crawling in the dark searching for the answers and I've never found them.

Only you have the answers I need.. but the sad thing is..

..

..you never told me.

~Hyder

Charlie

This is the most hilarious thing on Youtube!

~Cheerz

Desultory

Hey..

If you're reading this then many thanks to you coz you're probably the only one who's been here since eons ago. (http://www.dictionary.com/) Yeah. Go check out what's an eon. Anyway the new template doesn't seem to be attracting more readers.. just the flies. Is it really that stinky around here, or its just the lack of dramatic emo-ness-ness-ness? Dammit how come when I try to step down my emo and put jokes on the blog, no one comes here. No one tags.

To my avid readers out there, do you ever get sick of me being emo shyt on the blog all the time? Geez I thought people are pissed by my words but suddenly I'm confused. I don't get it man. Maybe I should get a home on Mars or something. I heard Martians know how to bake cookies.

So a week ago I submitted my 1000 word essay for the principal's competition on 'Emo teens in Singapore'. I kinda got inspired by colossal emotional prowess teens are willing to show these days so I wrote on how we can turn emos into bagpipe-playing angels or something like that. Yup, there IS HOPE.

Me? Naah. I'm not really those exrtreme slit-your-wrist kinda emo. More like the mild-mannered-Clark-Kentish kinda emo. No violence and gore in my movie. Yeah no striped socks... or piercings.. or eyeliner.. or hair.. don't rub it in please. I admit, I am very emotional driven and sensitive and I'm not proud of that. In case you don't know yet, this emolution that I go through helps me escape my worries and heals at the wounds inside.

Hyderiffic cure for heartbreaks: My Chemical Romance, darkness, silence and hostility. And not forgetting the enchanted aura of a moonlit night.



*sigh*

I'm just not that side right now. I'll be be back with more emo crap. Soon, I think, if I'm still alive after Physics tomorrow. See yahz.

Temperature

It's Burning Up, by the Jonas Brothers.

Rock on~

End of Holidays

The days are becoming shorter.

The nights are disappearing fast.
The path has become twisted as ever.

The skies are starting to gloom.

The storm is brewing.

The earth is shaking.

The wind is picking up.

The darkness is swallowing us up.

The firestorm is coming down on us.

The fog is finally clearing.
The gates of destiny has opened.

THE END IS NEAR

And the Battle has JUST BEGUN.

No. It cant be.

....

Crud.

Hyder's 100th Post.

Congratulations Hyder. Ya did it man, your 100th post.

It's been quite a while. I mean... wow not bad. Its been almost 3 years.

Well I'm in sec 4 and halfway through. I've gone through so many phases in this teen life that I dont' know where to begin. Smiles, upsets, laughter, horror, fatigue, celerity, courage, perseverence, hate, despair, embarrassment, nonsense, jubilance, failures and accomplishments.

What a day. What a week. What a year. What an irony.
Four years and still I have not grown out of the particular things I'm suppose to get rid of. And so many different evolutions, not one am I proud of.

Sec 1: The Mouse.

I was small, scared and oblivious to others around me. I was amazingly helpful, friendly, stupid and vulnerable. I feared all the others around me, I longed to be the best, I showed the rest what I'm made of. I was curious of what I will go through, with not a clue of what's my fate. Tiny, helpless and confused.

Sec 2: The Puppy.

Unknown to what the consequences were, I took stupid risks, with the hope of obtaining the rewards I never deserved. Like a sick, annoying little canine, I developed pointless infatuations, not one did I not regret. I endured every sick joke they played on me, every kick, every beating, every bite, every scratch. My heart pledged for vengeance, restoration and hope. And I succeeded.

Sec 3: The Wolf.

Towering over those who used to intimidate me, I stepped forward with a new destiny. Old friends departed, new companions came in. I only looked towards victory, despite so many challenges that arose. Little do I know the pursuit for desire would only open a can of worms. Alone and confused, once again, I suffered under my own actions, I repeated mistakes. I even discovered the meaning of true love, and the happiness behind it. But I found myself drowning in a pool of emotions everytime I crawled out from under the rock. But I fought to the very last bitter end.

Now in sec 4 I'm still finding myself. Not the fool, not the geek, not the emo. I'm still stuck in a broken love triangle. IM STILL STUCK IN THIS BLOODY HEARTBREAKING LOVE TRIANGLE. I don't know why do I still do this, why do I even bother DREAMING? I guess if I'd just receive all the answers it probably won't hurt so bad, aww the crud. Sinking... kicking... have to survive the waves before I drown once again. I think now I know what my sec 4 stage is.

Sec 4: The Mouse, The Puppy and The Wolf. Drifting apart from my sanity, I wish to break free once more. Maybe grow fins or even wings.. I'm still as vulnerable as the mouse, as hapless as the puppy, and as alone, and confused as the wolf. I still jump to conclusions and offer myself sacrifice to fate. I have yet to counter every weakness, and still I submit to them occassionally. My past has left many, many scars, which some I know can never heal. Put myself on the line: Crash, and burn.

Like I said, there are some things I've done or been through that I am not proud of, and is still haunting me till this day. Maybe, just maybe it'll be one last evolution before I leave high school. She's still a part of me, and its really really hard to face the reality of all this. Is there a hidden truth behind all this? She knows damn well it kills me, but I'll never break free from her clutches. Why deos she seem so close when she's the person I'll never be with in the future? Will I ever find my answers?

Metamorphosis and all that, has taken its toll, and maybe I'm not ready yet to break out of this cocoon. Happiness or destiny, one of which I shall have to sacrifice. A 100 posts, and still seeking the true meaning of victory. Still drowning in confusion. Still crawling in the dark.

One day, Hyder, you'll see.

Phrases and Formulae you oughta keep in mind

LOGIC OF LOVE

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime



SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



Stay happy alwayz~

The fourth time

Well it's been one cool holidays but we'll be coming back in a few more days time. I seriously got nothing good to write about so i just dump the emo aside and blog this:

The local news station was interviewing an 84-year old lady because she had just got married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director,"she answered.

"Okaay... interesting,"the man thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first
married a banker in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster in her 40's, later to a preacher when in her 60's and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

"Easy, son," she smiled.
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"



:D LOLL...
Anyway, forget the old lady. I might be sticking to glasses for the rest of my pitiful life. Damn it.

Plunged

Two words:

'Simply remarkable.'

After so many attempts our principal finally plunged to his watery fate. What a classic. I luv me camera.

U coulda seen the look on his face, it was like Scream. WHAHA

Troubled

Just to add on to the 'Don't' list I've been writing since the day I became her friend.
( September 2006 - June 2008 - future )


Don't give her anymore drawings.
Don't blog about things about us that they're not meant to know.
Don't tell her you miss her like shit.
Don't sms her when she's having that three-letter-word-thing-that-girls-have.
Don't ask her what the hell is that three-letter-word-thing-that-girls-have.
Don't go overseas and have a sms chat with her till you blow your bills.
Don't forget to tag her blog if you tagged her sister's.
Don't keep telling her how much you like cheese.
Don't chat with her for more than 2 hours.
Don't EVER say that three-word-phrase to her coz u know it's not true.
Don't always think that she hates you.
Don't pretend to avoid her when you don't really mean it.
Don't tell her how much you dream of her.
Don't talk about anything that has to do with love.
Don't tell her about who's crushing on you.
Don't tell her about who you're crushing on.
Don't complain about life to her.
Don't tell her about how you're related to her juniors.
Don't ask her who she's in love with.
Don't ask her about you.
Don't send her lame poems.
Don't talk about your past with her.
Don't sweet talk her.
Don't send her anymore gifts or she'll grow fat and then you'll be sorry.
Don't ask her how she is coz you're only gonna get the same answer.
Don't use VERY DIFFICULT words.
Don't pretend to act cool/dumb/funny/cute/hot/macho.
Don't use metaphors.
Don't talk to her unless you have a very good reason.
Don't tell her you still like her.
Don't stab yourself when you see her at school.
Don't scare her to death. ( Usually unavoidable )
Don't send her smses she'll never understand.
Don't be so emo when you talk to her coz she doesn't like it.
Don't go crazy when she comes online. ( Can't help it. )
Don't kill yourself if she doesn't wanna talk to you.
( Too bad. I lost count on how many lives I've wasted )
Don't send her anymore Backstreet Boys songs.


Too bad I don't have a 'Do' list coz she's really unpredictable. Or maybe, it's just me. I'm sorry, girl.

May the list go on. :)

Unthinkable

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freakin !#$%^&* I seriously don't know what to say, or what I was thinking, but I definitely pulled through!

In case you forget, or you're not from BV, I actually did something not many would be sane enough to do. I had to read this speech called the Letter to Myself in front of the whole school and I turned it into not only a great speech, but a great laugh as well! Geeeeeezzz....!!!

Whoever thought the someone who could actually turn a speech upside down was me>?
Whoever thought I would be brave enough to pull off something silly like that>?
Whoever thought I received more laughter than I had expected>?
Whoever thought an emo like me would sum up the courage to make the whole school laugh>?
Whoever thought I could make such an impact on my life that I would never forget>?
POST SPEECH INTERVIEW

Q: Hyder, you were chosen as one of the best and invited up the podium to read your Letter to Myself to the whole school. And the way you read, it was really 'interesting'. What do you have to say?

A: LOLs.. You know since Day 1 I wanted to make an impact. I don't care what sort of impact I leave, as long as its large scale. I saw the Letter to Myself and I saw it as an opportunity. And I did the unthinkable. I read out me Letter in some kinda western slang. Not only that, I read it freakin fast. Insane, yes, ridiculous, yes, but I pulled it off. I made NO errors in pronounciation and it came out kinda entertaining... and maniacal.

Q: Did you plan to do that from the start?

A: Okay, well seriously from the beginning I never thought that was the wisest thing to do, considering how many people are actually watching... so no, it wasn't planned. I guess sometimes you just have to show the whole school another side of you they never knew, and be a fool for 2 minutes. Still, I kinda enjoyed myself up there. I was crazy shyt. :)

Q: How did you feel after you've read the speech?

A: To tell you the truth, ever since that morning, I wasn't quite myself. In fact I was being the old paranoid Hyder. I was afrad of what the teachers might say. Or what people might think of me in a long run. I was really freakin worried for a while. But now I'm just proud of myself.

Q: You said you wanted to make an impact, tell us more.

A: I wanted to leave school with an experience I'll never forget. I wanted to show people that I'm not that kinda person who is boring, haughty and all emotional. I wanted to be myself, but I couldn't find that opportunity until now. I don't want to leave school without making an impact. So now I'm really ecstatic, coz I never really know the conservative Hyder would clown around in front of the school. Still, that letter was not meant to be all messed up. It DID have a message, right?! Killed 2 birds with one stone but I had sto sacrifice some of that so-called dignity. LOL. It was worth it.

Q: Any last words you'd like to say?

A : Sometimes you never thought you can pull of something no one else has done before, and the satisfaction is really great. Believe, be yourself and dare to take risks. You never really know until you've tried and when its something BIG, it's really an experience you'll never forget. And from then on.. your life will NEVER EVEEEEEEEER BE THE SAME AGAIN. :D

Exhilarated

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY..................

Forget my previous post okay.
There's nothing about it. I was y'know, crazy emo roller coaster shyt and all that.. yes so don't read the previous post called 'gift' coz it means nothing okay, nonsense. So stop asking yourself stupid questions about me coz its all meaningless and cannot be answered. Yeah yeah. Nothing surprising there huh? I mean, *snort* c'mon, it's Hyder, since when is it surprising to see him sulk about himself like some jackass with no directions. Oh waitasec, since when has this guy have directions, i mean, psssh! For Pete's sake someone tell this guys to get a grip. He's writing all this crap he doesnt even understand and he expects people to listen to him. Whatever man. Like totally when has this blog even talks about the joys about human life its not like we're living in some fantasy emo world where everyone just goes 'wee hee look at me im a sad sad emo'. Its like feeding bull crap to us when we're stuck in the middle of the sahara. Geez would this guy come back to Earth he's driving us nuts. Yeah look one example is that you still read this sorta lame shit he's talkin to himself when you're not supposed to. Hey man u got guts to read this so maybe you should like fly away now go home or this post will drive you nuts. Seriously. So are your parents screaming their guts out at you for using the computer too long. Well i think its about time they should coz u are starting to get on my nerves. Just read the last damn sentence and stop torturing yourself man. No, really, get off the screen. Dude, I can't help it so just quit now when you can or you'll regret it later okay. Dammit you're reaching the end what the heck man. Howd u get this far. So whatever. Maybe you should get a counsellor or psychiatrist or something coz u really have issues or do u really like this post so much you just cant get ur eyes unglued from it. Man, and I thought I was nuts. The real purpose is, just dont read my previous post again coz it sux and its a damn waste of time. Like this post. Typical I must say but hey, you chose to read it. Mmhm, yup so don't remember anything about what I said earlier. Or what I JUST said.
Coz it means nothing. Nothing, okay?

Ha-ha. Mm-Hm. Yeah. Oh yes. Mmm. Oh really. Yeah. Okaay. Ahh. Ooh. Wee. Yup. Exactly. Swell. Yeah. Okies. :)

Am I happy? OH OF COURSE IM HAPPY, IM DAMN EXHILARATED in fact. :D

Gift

Y'know.

Have you ever imagined yourself having a certain 'gift' but you are never really sure if its a blessing or curse?

Ever wondered what would have happened if you can rely so much on intuition that it scares you? If this so-called gift could change your destiny in a split second, and affect the people you love around you? When it comes, you fear something terrible happens and you regret when it actually does.

I don't get it. Why me? What is this strange feeling I cannot explain and tell others? Would it soon lead to my dreams, or my destruction?

I don't want them to be hurt anymore.

When will this ever end?

Be careful.

Starstruck a.k.a The Biannual Proclamation

Hey~

Y'know I was thinking. YOU, as a reader of this blog, what is it that keeps you coming back here and reading all this shit. Is it the emo aura? The videos? The boombastic vocabulary? The colourless life? The cool pics? The 'ahem' hot portraits? The black? The blue? The bubbles (=.=)? The dreamy atmosphere? The endless goof? The neverending lists? The annoying poetry? The ridiculous irony? The everlasting insanity?

What what what? People say I rock at writing. Well, I must admit I really love writing, but is it really that good. Dunno, I never really judged myself.

Oh well. Lotsa things happened today. I kinda bumped into sis quite a few times the past week. And GOSH, she talked to me, how often does THAT happen?! Like, WOW. *Starstruck* Personally, I would admit that I seem to 'celebritize' the people I respect most. So, let me list them out.

Cheng Wei, John, Oliver, Wei Jie, Zhao Ying, Rachel, Cally, Jesslyn, Hau Yan, Hau Yee, Shirley, Darwin, Sharil, Nasha, Ummi, Grayson, Mubaraka, Carmen, Dun Ping, TzuYing, Raja, Maisarah, Daniel, Joanne, Dion, Ming Leon, Keith, Natalie, Kristie, Ryan, Chris (sis will be proud), Miss Goh, Miss Chia, Mrs Cheong ( T.T ).....

YOU

PEOPLE

ROCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

*pant*

Yeah, yeah, it's a real honour, thank you so much for existing.

*bows to you* And yes, I will still be alive tomorrow. I think.

~Hyder

Kick Butt

Nothing special, just trailers that really kick butt...
..literally.

The first three are superhero movies but I dunno aobut the last one. What do you think? LOL...

Mundane

.......

This is for ******.

What-the-hell.

I've had it with you dammit. I've been taking so much shyt from you lately that I don't know what I see in you anymore. How things have changed.

Maybe you don't realize it but you sure like to 'reprimand' me for the smallest things I say that are so small, they're mundane. Fine, sometimes I get a little carried away with my ruthless commentary but why do you have to embarrass me in front of the whole class, my own best friends, and even in front of people who hardly know me. Thanks for shaping my reputation, you've been a wonderful help.

I dunno what's gotten into you, I don't know you anymore. Where's the kindhearted and caring person I used to confide my feelings to when there was no other adult who understands? You helped me when I was made a fool by my so-called 'friends', you stood up for me when there was no justice. You cured me of depression, you eliminated the guilt that was eating through me at that time, and you gave me confidence. You even saw me shed tears. You inspired me.

But now I just hate you.

You consider me insensitive to you. Oh really? What about yourself. I totally destroyed me at times and you say I'M INSENSITIVE?! You said I 'shouted' you often now. Well, quite truthfully, I DID NOT 'shout' at you. I didn't mean to even if I did. Would you f-off, I'm starting to feel like you deserved it.

You're not a friend. You're not even a student. You're just this adult who never really bothered about us and complaining about how troubling and unfair life is. Well it is, thanks to you.

I hope I don't see you so often and I will not talk to you again, at least until I've seen you change. You probably are thinking about the same thing right? Well, shyt you.

..I hate you.

Wicked

DAMMIT!

So how'd you find this wicked ride?

holy shyt..

ISNT IT JUST FREAKIN AWESOME!?

Wow.. so this is a virtual simulation of what they call 'The Behemoth' at Canada's Wonderland. It goes 125 km/h and it goes 230ft , 74 degrees vertical on its first drop.

Hell, I'm SO GONNA BE THERE.

I shall watch it over and over again coz I'ts just drivin me nuts...

don't you just love the adrenaline rushing through your veins..

Maybe next I'll put in skydiving videos....

This rocks, why haven't I thought of this sooner...

Killer Potatoes

White Rose

Life is gray scale.

It moves with so great celerity that colour can hardly be seen. What would your life be like if it were as gray as mine?
~

Sometimes your friends have everything...

Good grades... lots of other friends.. an overloaded wallet.. popularity at school.. a lover and a thousand admirers..

You hardly have any of the above and when you finally just sit down, and just reflect on yourself..

You see nothing but a void of black and white..

~

Have you ever thought of someone whom you love very very very very much, and he/she made such a deep impact on your life...

So much so that..

..your heart has shattered to only dust..?

..your personality has changed for the worse..?

..your history holds scars that may never heal..?

..your present has been nothing but miserable..?

..your destiny has changed to the wrong end..?

..your life has lost its colour..?

After all this, would you still let your love or friendship or even time flush it all away?

Would you still call this person special to you despite all that has happened?

Have you ever wondered fate has brought you to the person in the first place?

~

It's like...

Injuring your fingers from the thorns of a beautiful white rose

but when you bring it closer to smell it,

there's no scent.

This is ridiculous.

Mordacity

So after 5 days of...

ABSOLUTE
DESPAIR/ ANXIETY/ ANGUISH/ WRETCHEDNESS/ TORMENT/ MISERY/ AGONY/ EXASPERATION/ EXCRUCIATION/ INFLAMMATION

I've finally survived the damned fever but when I least expected it the stupid throat infection still existed and is now scathing the insides of my throat. OW.

Swallowing whale-sized pills... -.-

The dumb 800mg antibiotics sured caused one heckuva stirrup in my guts.
It's like this: The heroic and gallant white blood cells were fighting the treacherous villainous bacteria in the battlefield of Hydertopia. Billions and trillions perished in the catastrophic battle for biological micro-organismic supremacy ....

When suddenly out of nowhere the devastating dragons known only as the fearsome antibiotics came in and blasted the dumbfounded armies into the oblivion! WOO HOO. Who cares if its the health clowns or the tango shmango germs, they all get disintegrated to dust. As a result, Hyder can't sleep. Explosions erupted and blaze raged on inside his tummy, and THAT is not exactly the nicest thing to feel in the world. ==

Glad that's over. Stupid thing about the antibiotics, it doesnt just kill the bacteria, it drains ur energy up as well. Even ur good cells are killed. 0.0 At least that's what mom told me. I did not once succumb to the sheer mordacity of my illness, and I'm proud of that. :D Still, i missed NAPFA and a whole lotta school and now have to catch up. This sucks. I dont wanna run with the izty bitzy tootzie shmoopzies from BV. (I mean the lower sec)

Man, now I think I have a broken neck.

Perplexity

Heyys~

Just another okay week, boring like every other.
I guess ya can't really expect thrill when you're taking the fast, yet dreadful path.

I don't get it. How have I survived this far without thrill? I need something to drive my pulse wild, rock my brain beserk and send my blood rushing through my veins.. I'm deprived of sheer thrill. -.-

Just came back after night classes..
which before that I had 2.4km training at bedok reservoir, then walking about 2 km in the heavy downpour to school for media and then back at 6pm and went for nite classes at 7pm

Mom's fever was getting worse. She's just lying there on the bed her eyes closed yet chanting her prayers. Dad and my bros had tucked her in. I sat down beside her and talked to her. She says she's feeling extremely cold and weak. It's not fever....

Haniff my youngest bro had the heart of gold and sat beside her. He was worried, I could see deep fear in his eyes. He'd never seen mom so ill before and I guess he really couldn't help but cry.. tears of perplexity. He wished he could help but he couldn't. I never doubted my brother. Though he's just 7 and a half, he's really concerned for those he loves. He's not like any other and I'm proud to be his brother.

Seeing mom so helpless like that... it just stirs our emotions..

After I took a glass of water for mom she fell asleep. Or at least I think she did. It just scares me, y'know. Day in day out, mom takes care of all of us and when she's down the whole house seems to be upside down. For my brothers, their despair and unease are just so much more than I can imagine.

Get well soon, mom, I love you.

Irrepressible emotions

Your Guardian Angel

by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

"Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

This song is like a stormcloud. Across the sky a dark cloud approaches, growing more massive by the second. Whirlwinds rush in, darkness overshadows everything below. Sorrow and despair would then be superseded by rage, ferocity, excitement and intensity as a thunderstorm breaks out. It goes on in me. Lightning strikes my heart and rain storms my mind.

Music has a lot of emotional influence in me. Significant songs such as this one, despite how new it may seem, may trigger memories and will lead to irrepressible, or even undesirable emotions. And boy, do they bring thrill. That's all I ever wanted in everyday life- thrill. It hurts so bad yet feels so good. It's fun being emo.

All I wanted was to see you happy. I was there for you when you needed someone, and I stayed beside you in case you break down. I saw my significance to your life but as time passes, it slowly starts to fade. You've become more stronger as the months went on.

Would you look back one day and remember the boy who never regretted staying by your side and would you call him...

..your "guardian angel?"

I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven..

Stupefaction

Oh kay well, I guess I owe you some kinda explanation for the previous post since.. well.. obviously I was NOT myself. And I guess you're dying to know how the 'quacking' came about. Here's the sad story:

Unless you're HauYan or DunPing, you won't know that I had a shut-eye (it means SLEEP) during a really crucial two hours of the day, and I woke up at 10:10pm. DunPing, I guess I was too traumatised to tell you the whole story.. HauYan, I WANTED to tell you, but considering the number of 'huh?'s you're throwing back at me, I'll write it all here. Haha, I can't blame you, I'm an idiot after all. ~

ANYWAY, mom and dad left home at evening but they entrusted me with the responsibility to run an errand for a woman living two blocks away at 9.30pm. It was an incredibly-important errand, to send some stuff to the woman when she gets home. I know her, but she never knew I existed, she's mom's friend. I figured I'd get this simple job done in no time but na na na na, reality check: I only woke up 40 mins late. Why? Fatigue..stress.. and I complacency. My comp was on when I awoke, 2 ppl wanted to talk on msn, when suddenly I noticed the time on the screen.

... T.T Beautiful night for a stroll isn't it?

Panic. Panic. Panic. What now? Change and get my ass to the woman's house now? Or just sit here like a good boy and await my doom. How would the woman feel? How would my parents feel? How would I feel? Stupidity made me stay awhile to compose my thoughts. But maybe it's time the woman got some justice so I rushed there immediately.

Well, here's the painful part. I waited a good 5 minutes outside her door and a woman in her late forties confronted me with a murderous look on her face. She didn't open the gate, but she lectured me in old-fashioned malay. I stood there, timid and volatile, and my head filled with a sorrowful mixtue or regret and embarrassment. I was too overwhelmed by stupefaction to actually listen to what she was blabbering about but I think it's something about 'no responsibility' and 'lack of compassion' or whatever. A little boy popped out behind the woman with a thumb in his mouth and a rubber duckie in the other hand. I eyed him as he squeaked it relentlessly, his mother just went on and on. After a few unfamiliar malay sayings, she took the wretched bag and I fled.

As I returned home, I didn't know what to feel or think. All I could remember was that stupid noise that marched through my head like a thousand armies. Or maybe a thousand... DUCKS.

Quack..... Quack...... Quack..... Quack...... Quack...... Quack..... T.T

I sat before my computer again, I can't say anything more to my friends. When mom and dad got home, I was still thinking about the last paragraph of my will. I stepped out of my room and told them I had something to say. But here's the part where it hurt the most: they already knew.

......

Days in life such as this one, would remain in my mind for a veeeery long time.. considering how much damage it caused. My insides are still shaky from the earlier visit, but at least I'm in the right mind to reflect. Mom and dad gave me a good tongue-lashing.. on the importance of responsibility... discipline.. initiative and other stuff.. Today wasn't exactly one of the happiest days of life but I guess it did teach me a lot. Face it Hyder, you're not perfect. Now that I've blogged, I feel so much better. There's only one problem left:

....I can't sleep now. T.T

Quackity Quack Quack

QUACK QUACK!! QUACK QUACK QUUAAAAAAAAAACK!!! =.=

Quack quack quaack quack quack quack. Quack quaaack quack quack HauYan quack DunPing quack quack msn quack quack. Quack quack quackk 10.10pm?? Quack!! Quack quack 9.30pm quaaack quack quack 40 quackk quackk quack!! Quackk Quack!! Quack quack quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack! Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack!! T.T

Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack!!
Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quackk quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack! OMG Quack quack quack qquack quack quack quack quack quack!

Quack quaaack quack quack quackk quackk quack quack quack...

Quack quaack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.... Quack!!
T.T

101 Things I like.

(In no particular order of likeness)
I like...

1)My brothers
2)To scream my heart out
3)Sweet victories
4)Black
5)Darkness
6)Decency
7)Being emo
8)My family
9)Emo Rock
10)Sheer thrill
11)Cute chicks
12)Loneliness
13)Zach
14)Luke
15)Serenity
16)Drawing
17)TenDays
18)Special Friendships
19)Blogging

20)Jeff Hardy
21)Fighting fears
22)Justice
23)Authority
24)Recognition
25)Coolness
26)Backstreet Boys
27)My cousins
28)Spicy chicken drumlets
29)Brunettes

30)Seeing life through lenses
31)Humour
32)Travelling
33)Bad shooters
34)Breathtaking views
35)High altitudes
36)Rain
37)My sista
38)Sea breeze
39)Auroras

40)Children
41)Finding answers to life's questions
42)Breakneck speeds
43)Patience
44)Faith
45)Survival
46)Reflections
47)Shadows
48)Disappearing
49)Emotive self-portraits
50)Hoobastank
51)Stars
52)Chasing dreams
53)Thrill rides
54)Doing somersaults
55)Civilisation
56)The Click Five
57)Someone's smile
58)Admirers
59)Making new pals

60)Flights
61)Dinosaurs
62)Heroes
63)Fantasy fiction
64)Peace
65)Fulfilled promises
66)Sharks
67)Everlasting friendships
68)Trust
69)Happy days to remember
70)Holograms
71)Being remembered
72)Random dreams
73)Superpowers
74)Role Playing games
75)Releasing emotions onto paper
76)Dragons
77)Being a daredevil
78)Boombastic words
79)Roller coasters

80)Ball lightning
81)Helping my loved ones
82)Lending a shoulder to cry on
83)Creating characters
84)Designing dream houses
85)My curly hair
86)Being mysterious
87)Smart chicks
88)Marshmallows
89)Gryphons
90)Jellybeans
91)Sunny lagoons
92)Constellations
93)Falcons
94)Bumper cars
95)Raptors
96)Jellyfish
97)Asteroids

98)Metamorphing

99)Making movies

100)War games

101)You. Coz ya just wasted five minutes reading things that make me smile. =)

Hypocrite

Sorrow after sorrow after sorrow.

Usually what do you expect when you actually read this blog? Listen to me grieve and lament about how sucky my life is...? Well, it's entirely up to you coz that's what I'll be doing most of the time. I would bore even myself to death if I were to ramble on the pointless details of my life. This blog, shall I declare, is a medium for me to RELEASE all dark shades of the heart. I know I'll be better afterwards, and it has never failed me once.

Why don't people just get it right. If I need help, I'd ask for it. When I'm lost and uncertain, I turn stupid. Stupidity will define your 'care and concern' as just 'being nosy'. Yup, stupid is inevitable when you're Hyder. You're just born with an excellent brain but you don't really use it well. Don't help me, I'm born to live alone, and when I need help, I'll look for help.

This is for a great friend whom maybe I would have lost out of stupidity. Explaining this to you directly after the 'incident' wouldn't be wise so maybe you'll see after you cool off. Or maybe, after I cool off.

It's hectic and difficult times like these when blogging would never have felt better. Days just pass by, I've learnt to slightly endure the pressure. I struggle to keep my life balanced, trying hard to make a difference. I have to admit, I've changed a damn lot, and I'm just not being myself for quite some time. Pretty much a real idiot, hypocrite even? Yup, it's fine, I accept the nastiests labels, I've lost my rage and I don't really care. All I've been through seemed to have developed a lot of patience in me.

You say maybe I should like complain all this in my blog. So people would develop some pity for me? Yes, I do complain, I emo ridiculously all through my posts but people just don't know how much it really helps. You're not me, you don't know what I've been through.

I'm still trying to cope to all this, interllectually, emotionally, socially... and now even morally? I know I've never been the same, yup, a hypocrite as you described, it's about time I got something I deserved. On the quest to perfect life, I ruin it at the same time. I can't remember the time I last savoured happiness, let alone be the friend I should be. I'm at the crossroads where it's either languish or death.

Fine. I'll tell you what's up. My talent and love for drawing is going down the drain for certain religious reasons. I'm drifting further away from my family. I'm having doubts about my schoolfriend's trust. People are saying things about me I never could have imagined. There's huge pressure on me, my grades are falling. I'm subjected to consecutive twist of fates. My destiny is fading away.

Desperately living life, chasing hopeless dreams, sacrificing pleasures, fighting emotions, trying to stay in the family, and now, I have to lose friends? Is it my fault death seems so tempting when I have so many things to live for, like staying someone's friend. I know you too, your share of troubles, but PLEASE (if you really was concerned) understand what it's like to be in my shoes? I'm not faking this, it's pure reality and I'm not seeking your pity, just your forgiveness.

If fate forbids you from forgiving me, then I will not regret coz I tried. I could have just let it go, but I still try. I've done a lot of things I've never really been proud of, but time always heals the wounds. You are, and always have been, one of the greatest friends of my life, so you'd leave a deep scar. You know you still have something that belongs to me, and that's one of my treasured works, called 'ZeoLand'. That's your 'name' would you please return me what's rightfully mine. Or I'll grow up with the thought that you stole it from me. If you've lost it, then I'll look for it myself when the End comes.

Goodbye, for now.

Forever

Yes, common tests are over but it hardly meant anything to me. Pressure after pressure, misery after misery.

Love - The root of all evils.

Why am I not surprised.

All this time maybe you didn't know it but I've been trying my best not to cross the line between love and friendship. We've been through so much, girl, how could you think for one that I will replace someone as special like you. Whatever shit I had as my reason for my words, you know now. I've told you.

Yes, I have been jealous, but I kept it in. You're too sweet to get angry with.

Yes, I have been depressed, but I kept it in. You're too cheerful to upset.

Yes, I have been in love with you, but once again, I kept it in. You're too treasured to lose now.

You know DAMN well I'll never leave you. I'll always apologize, I'll always be there for you. I still try my best to help you even when you never listen to me. I still come crawling back to you even when you tried to murder me with your words... your actions... your emotions...

So why should this happen now. We've been thru more bad times than good, but our faith in each other picks us up. Thats what makes US so special. Maybe we're inseparable, or maybe I was destined to leave you at the first sign of rejection. But I didn't.

" Life's so great when you're not in my mind. "

That's true. I think so about you too. But no matter how contented I am with what I have, I will always look back and see that, life's incomplete without you. Yes the puzzle's almost done, it look's stunning now, but there's still a piece left. And that's you. Don't you get it?

You're part of me, you shaped me to what I am today. You made me understand true love, eternal friendship, blissful happiness, wonders of life, shadows of regret, shining rays of hope, glowing talents, ruthless misery, bleeding heartbreaks, pounding hardship, flares of envy, and a blazing passion to pull through and live another day.

I'm so glad I have the patience to carry on.

I don't give up.

But all that I have to give right now is....

that's right, ..

..CINTA.

*sebisa mungkin, tak akan pernah, sayangku akan hilang*